Word Count what does it mean?

To an author, that's sort of like when men go on trips and brag about how quick they got there. Well, for redneck men anyway.

And what is a story but a trip for the mind? Like legal LSD, its a mental trip for you take down a road. If you read one of my books, I've stated up front its a psycho-scenic journey full of zany, quirky characters that will jump out contaminate you with my own brand of weird. I'm contagious, I'm not fatal, but I am terminal.

You can't say I didn't warn you:

Dateless in the Dodge:

Sharlene Hammons didn't volunteer to play the dating game, but that's just what's happened since she moved into Peony Heights. Since then, her so-called friends have paraded a ton of beefcake past her door all in the name of love. When she, Jake and her boss, Cade Barton, go undercover to bust a dating service for its nefarious deeds, she thinks she'll get a break from the madness by pretending he's really her boyfriend. Unfortunately, Cade is a double agent working for the Neighborhood Inquisition.
*********

This excerpt could be subtitled Adventures in Babysitting:

Sharlene paced back and forth in front of the blanket, pausing every few seconds to crouch down in front of the baby. She put her hands out to touch her but Gabrielle shied away, screaming even louder.
"Damn." She stomped her foot and paced again, putting her hands over her ears for a few seconds of peace. What did she know about babies? When they were wet you changed them, when they were hungry, you fed them. When they cried, you... Sang.
"Hush, little baby, don't you cry." Sharlene warbled to her, crouching in front of her again.
For a heartbeat Gabrielle stopped crying, she sniffled.
"Mama's gonna be back by and by."
At the word mama, her delicate face crumbled and she fell on her back, her head thumping on the floor.
"Oh, no, don't do that!"
She took a deep breath and let out the most horrendous howling noise. "Daaaaaaaa!"
"Gabrielle, please." This was ridiculous. She went to pick her up but the baby jerked away from her. "Look here, missy!" She made her voice firm and got kicked in the boob for her trouble.
"Ow! Fine, if that's how you wanna play it." Sharlene simply lay down beside her so that they were eye to eye.
Gabrielle's cries stopped and this time, they didn't start again. Ah, blessed peace. Her ears were ringing from all the noise; she could sue for hearing damage.
"DA!"
"He is out on a date with your mother. Remember she's the one that carried you for nine months in her stomach, mm?" Sharlene propped her head up on her hand.
"Pfth." Spit was her answer.
"Yeck."
More spit slid down her mouth onto the blanket.
"What are you a drool factory?"
"Mmmm." Gabrielle moaned piteously. She popped one of the twenty pacifiers lying on the blanket in her mouth and chewed fiercely on it before spitting it out for another. This went on until she'd exhausted her supply. She eyed Sharlene, as if sizing her up for her next meal.
"What?"Was all she got out before the baby pounced on her. "Ack! Hey, stop that! Ew!"
Gabrielle's mouth gaped open and sucked her whole chin inside. Her tiny gums slid back and forth over her skin. "Mm. mm. Mm." She made little grunting noises as she repeated this process, while her fingers tangled themselves in Sharlene's long blonde hair, all the better to hold her in place.
"My brains are being sucked out through my chin. What are you a zombie?"
"Mmm." This was more like a growl, and she tugged her hair a little harder.
Sharlene lay flat of her back with the baby on top of her like a slightly more attractive face sucker from the movie Alien. However, there was one good thing about this new development. With her mouth full of Sharlene's chin, she couldn't very well scream.
"I am so glad you're happy."
"Gah."
"Yeah, gah to you too." Sharlene's stomach growled, as unlike Gabrielle, she wasn't eating someone’s face. "I'm starving. Do you think maybe we could stop sucking face long enough for me to order a pizza?" She pulled on the baby, got a growl, and increased suction for her trouble. "Ok, fine. But, I'm not explaining the huge hickey to your daddy. You're a little young to be coming out of the closet too. Sheesh."
The doorbell rang, and she struggled to stand, not an easy feat with a small child attached to your face. She peered through the windows on the side of the door and sighed. "Any chance of you letting go for a few minutes?" She stared into the bright blue eyes so close to her own. An extra hard suck answered her and she winced before opening the door. "Hi Cade, what can I do for you?"
****
Cade stared for a long minute before stepping inside the door. Sharlene’s blonde hair fell in long tangles around her face. Her t-shirt was shoved up, exposing the bottom of a hot pink bra. His brow rose as he took this in, as well as the short black shorts that rode low on her hips. She had a pair of legs that wouldn't quit.
Oh, he knew he shouldn't be looking, but he couldn't quite help himself, besides, she was distracted by the baby sucking her face off right now, so he may as well look while the looking was good. And, it was damn good.
"Cade!" Her voice was muffled, but he caught the pissy tone.
"Mm?"
She pulled Gabby back enough to speak clearly. A small squeal rewarded this treatment. "For the third time, do you know anything about babies?"
"Yeah."
"Then. Help. Me." The force of her glare helped to quell his libido, somewhat.
"Oh!"He snapped his head back and nodded. "Sure." He held his hands out. “"Give her to me."
"I would if I could. She’s been like this for almost an hour. I can't break the suction, believe me, I've tried." She pulled, but Gabrielle held tight.
"Let me try. C'mon, Gabby." He put his hands around her belly, his fingers inadvertently brushing against Sharlene’s breast as he did so. She jerked and her eyes shot up to his. "S-sorry."
"Touch what you want, just get her off my face. She’s killing me. I swear, I can feel a brain-slide starting and it’s heading for her mouth. I doubt that’s part of her daily diet plan."
He laughed, but she didn't join him, so he tried again, this time avoiding any areas that might keep him in a cold shower tonight. "Gabby, let go of Auntie Shar's chin." He pulled and the baby growled at him. "Hey now."
"Ow! She's pulling my hair." Sharlene went up on her toes following him and the baby. "Auntie Shar, my... Ouch!"
Cade stumbled and they both wheeled slowly toward the couch in a slow motion dance destined for what he knew would end in disaster. "Oh, hell."
"My hair!"
"Mmm!" Gabby bit down even harder, her grip tightening on Sharlene's hair.
Sharlene began to hiss, her eyes widening over the top of the baby's head.
"What is it?" He instinctively wrapped his arms around them pulling them close as they fell onto the couch. Her hips slid between his legs, something he would have enjoyed any other time. The soft swell of her breasts pushing against his chest took his breath away, or it could have been the baby's butt pressing against his windpipe.
Then Sharlene screamed, Gabby screamed and Cade wasn't ashamed to admit that he screamed too. Finally, they stopped he lay in the tangle of arms and legs and tears blinking up at the sight blood trickling down Sharlene's face. Blood? The phone rang before he could investigate further.
"Get the phone." She murmured, her voice as calm as always.

"God look at all the blood." As he picked up the phone, he swiped some off her chin and held it up for her and the baby to see. And that was when all hell broke loose.

Hope you like it.. And if them little freaky symbols are in there.. I DON'T KNOW WHY, I HATE THEM TOO.. *I think they are gremlins*

Jenna Leigh
aka
Jennzilla
Travellor of the Psychopath

Coffee Time Loop Chat

Champagne Books is having a Coffee Break!!

What? An all day loop chat.

Where? Coffee Time Romance/ Karen Find out About New Books

When? Friday July 28 Beginning 12 pm Eastern. That's 11 a.m. to us more centered individuals

So, come on over and see us, and find out about new books and all the ones coming out soon. We'll have excerpts, prizes and loads of fun. Hope to see you there.
What is Champagne Books all about?

Here is our link to browse around.
Champagne Books

Beach Baby Beach Baby Down on the Sand..

Come on over to Midnight Social and party with us!! We'll be there from 12 Noon Eastern until...

There's goin to be a treasure hunt, excerpts from Spellfire Moons as well as the Romps, Raptures and many other juicy, delightful, stories from the Midnight Showcase authors. So, you don't want to miss it! Join up on the Midnight Social loop early and have a blast. Think of it like this, you can have a beach party without the heat, the smell and the annoying sand in your bathing suit bottoms. It's a win win situation. Hope to see you there!



Click to join Midnight_Social

Hubby may be insane.. but..

He is also pretty smart, sometimes. And, yeah, he's hawt too. Yall don't think I put up with that dang thermostat crap for nothing right? Riiigght.

Hubby's Blog He poses a pretty neat question on there. What sitcom would your life or at least your work life be?

Heck, my life is nuts so, I dont' know, I guess my work place is pretty cool. There's xrays bouncing all over the dang place, too bad we can't be the X-files(wipes off David Duchovny drool) and have these scary monsters creeping out of the closet at regular intervals. *pauses* Wait a dang minute, this is me we're talking about. No, that aint happening, they don't pay me enough. Yeah, and besides, my supervisor has a gun, the episodes would only last long enough for him or the Dr's to get to their trucks and say YEEEHAW THAT'LL LOOK GREAT ON THE WALL! KA-BLAMM!! Cue Commercial break, that's all yall!

So, what? Rednecks on Parade? I'd have to make up my own dang show. Sort of like Survivor or Rockstar, but with some extra bits.. I'll have to ponder on this. But, I still wanna be Latka's girlfriend. *wiggles brows* And Glamazon is still gotta be Elaine.. But they'd better put me in that cage thing of Danny Devito's character Louie.. mmm.

Dibby Dibby Dah

The heat is on...

Ok this man is hot. I will admit there is a certain sort of heat, that I actually enjoy. I like to sweat when I look at him. When his smoldering gaze settles upon me alone among the millions of others, and I know it is me that he's looking at not YOU PEOPLE *pauses for a drink of tea* and there's a certain, you know, pooling of liquid, in my ..

Oh .. just.. stop looking at the damn picture.

What? I wasn't talking to yall, I was talkin to myself! Gah! Anyway.. That sort of heat is way cool, and I like it a LOT.. *sigh* Dayam. *shields eyes and types*

If you will recall, hubby and I had the thermo wars not a week ago, and yes, I did state in a not so nice manner that I would buy my own 'flashlight' and if he ticked me off, said 'flashlight' would have three speeds and some most delightfully wicked multi-functional thingimabobble doohickies on it, and it would be my new best friend. However, I did not know my new 'flashlight' wouldn't be a BOB but would in fact be a FAN. Yeah, Xrated has turned into oscillated.

He turned off my damned AC again! OMG! I can NOT believe him. I am between sleep and waking.. it's 2 am. Is this the bitching hour or something? I have to ask Meems, if she doesn't know the answer, she'll either know or she'll let me come live with her, where I am quite sure her hubby doesn't do this sort of heinous crapola. And if he does, then it is two of us against him, so nannie nannie boo boo. Anyhow, I am just there, blinking at the ceiling, wondering why I can't sleep, and then wondering why I'm sweating so profusely.

I again think of the menopause, and smile, but once again, my hopes are dashed upon the shores of the Summer of De'Spare (as in the bedroom, where he'll be sleepin if he does this again) My brain shifts into sweaty overdrive, panicking because I have to work in the morning on no sleep, by myself. What if I pass out, nobody else is there. OMGOMG!

Finally, I snap out of the fugue state, and stomp out of my room down the hall and slam the thing off 95! Yes, you heard me right, 90 frickin 5!! GAAAAAAAAH! I turn around and stomp back into my room and turn the bathroom light on, the one that he always yells about shining him in the eyes. *growls* And I stand at the end of the bed and I glare at him, loudly. Glares make noise, if you do them RIGHT! However, he sleeps on, so peacefully, looking so innocent and sweet that I wish to kill him with my second best knife. I won't use my first best because I will NOT have it languish in the evidence pen of some redneck podunk police department while I get off scot free for killing him. Because let me tell you not a jury will convict me once I tell them why I did it!

Prosecuter: Ma'am? Why'd you stab yo hubby 20 times?
Me: Well, he turned my dang AC off.
Defender: What month was this again?
Me: It was July and ..
Jurists: gasps!!!
Judge: chokes
Prosecuter: I object!!
Judge: To what? Hell, he needed killin! Case dismissed!
Jurists: Hell yeah! Killin's too good for him..

Ok, maybe not scot free, I may have to serve at least ONE term as governor. *sighs* But, after that, I'm not doin nothing else. No talk shows, and no baby kissin, they have germs.

I do love that man, though, and he must have felt guilty, because he bought me my fav salad and a Frosty for lunch.

But he's being watched.. Amazon Teen Queen's is my spy and if he so much as touches that thermostat, she comes and tells me. But the real danger lurks beneath the bed.. EFO the secret agent cat/assassin, he's decided that the time has come to ventilate the MFU (male feeder unit) Meowch!

I hope that we make it through August without killing one another in the Thermo-wars. I'm If I win the Lotto, my first purchase shall be a house at the North Pole, I'm moving there for the remainder of the summer.

Viv La AC!! Blow baby blow

Jenn

One is the lon...

Ok, can't even finish that.. I'd be lyin..
Spellfire's number one for right now. For one hot minute, so Go look at it.. and SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Thanks Jamie for the heads up!!
Fictionwise

Yeah yeah .. whoohoo!

Pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain

As she doesn't really exist you see. I am the all powerful, all knowing, all seeing Jennzilla. All shall worship me and despair. *coughs* Who in the crap left the smog machine on again? Fine, yes, I am updating my avatar. piccie.. leave me be!

LOS'ers doesn't mean what you think.

This is a story, of four very lurvly gurls.. they all had hair of.. Well, only our hair dressers know for sure. *coughs* Moving on..

Spellfire is Number 2! Yeehaw! Mae Powers and Jewel Adams, Melanie, Karen, Charissa, and yes, me are all in this digest together. Mae and Jewel are veterens you know. But, the other four, well.. we're so not. LOL.



We are newbies to the core. Hey, that rhymes! No, I'm not a poet, and even I know it. The point is that we ain't doin too shabby. So, if you haven't picked up a copy of Spellfire Moons.. then hey, try it you might like it.

Spellfire Moons



I have my very own page there, you know. Which sort of flipped me out.

Fictionwise Link
Available now by this author *blink blink* I still can't get my head around that.
Braless in the Buick/May 2006
Spellfire Moons /July 2006

In the immortal words of readers everywhere: What else is new? I'm workin on it! Honest, pinky swear. I've sent it out.. I did. Promise. I sent the wyvern to my publisher. I hope she loves me, I mean it and says yes, dear, we'll take it. *flutters lashes*

You know for me, at least, this all started because I like red. Fantasy Lover's book cover is red, and it's got a nekkie man chest on it. Darn you Sherilyn Kenyon.. this is all your fault. *sniffles* I love you, you know.

Jenna Leigh

Changes? Or, Hormones, Hot, and Jenn .. not a good combo

The EFO is a vile and wicked kitty. Today, I took a cat nap. Perhaps this is why I awoke to him sitting on my chest, he was jealous or somethin. When I opened my eyes he was giving me his patented glare.

At first, he only licked my nose, which I found sort of sweet in that grossed out, he can lick his own butt sort of way. Then, he made me pet his ears. When I stopped he BIT me on the finger really hard. I was still asleep enough to be traumatized well beyond the extent of my injury. I screamed bloody murder and hubby came running. He overcame his usual fear of the cat and pulled him off the bed, claw by claw and put him out of the room. This ended nap time for Jennjenn. *sighs*

This has not been a good week for me. I started out the week pink. PINK is NOT a good color for me to be. I was burned, dammit! I am not all that hawnky! Seriously, I shouldn't be burning in the sun. Pfth. But, I did. Now, I'm the Cocoa Goddess (shut it, I've wanted to be that for a while, SO DEAL!) and I'm happy, but Monday, I was the Pink Princess, and I did NOT like it.

So, what's changed bout me lately? I don't know, but something has. I'm becoming more and more angry, less inclined to give, more inclined to take, less happy, more .. bitch. Ok, those that know me say, what the hell else is new? I've been one for a while, yes, I know that. But, I've been the bouyant bitch, the happy shiney bitch that makes you laugh while she cuts your throat and bathes in your blood by the light of the silvery moon. *pauses* That's a song isn't it? If not, it should be. Anyway, lately, I've found myself having these tendencies, and they are darker, meaner, more inclined to land me in a jail cell full of women that will trade me for a pack of ciggies. I smoke ciggies, I refuse to be traded for them, dammitall.

Where are these thoughts coming from? The ones that come out late at night and laugh in their tiny little voices and tell me to do things with sharp and/or blunt objects to loved ones that may or may not be fiddling with my A/C thermostat. *blinks* If this seems to be a petty reason to kill, maim, or bludgeon someone, then you aint spent a summer in the South, my little northern friend. More than likely, you've got no dang A/C and if you do have one, you don't even use the dang thing, so shut up. Until you've walked a mile in my flip flops and had them stick to the melted alsphalt, then SHUT UP!

Sweaty Nights of Summer:

Night 1: 2 am.. I'm awake because I've slept most of the night away in a stupor.. I hear a clanging noise and sit straight up in the bed, smack hubby and go WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT NOISE OMGOMGOMG GO AND KILL IT! Hubby asks, "Why do I have to kill it?" I inform him that he is in the possession of both the flashlight and the penis, therefore, it is his duty in life to perform this action. He sighs, picks up his flashlight, adjusts the aforementioned penis and jerks open the door to the AC makin a godawful racket.

I tell him to kick the damn thing.. he taps it with his pinky toe. I say again to kick it.. he gives it a slightly harder tap. OMG is he not a man? Do not they ALL believe in kicking and/or hitting things like the hoods of cars and tops of TV's? So, hot and sweaty and having a Southern Belle fit I scream KICK IT he does, the noise stops. However, he goes INSANELY PARANOID, thus beginning my descent into Psychoville. For those of you that just thought that it shouldnt be a very long trip, I heard that. (and ye shall surely perish) To top the cotton, he keeps turning off the damn airconditioner!! AACCCKKK!!!


Night 2: 11 p.m. After I've told the Memster nighties, and made myself take the shower, I'm laying in the bed, and my hair is wet.. I mean wringing wet with sweat, I'm burning up!! I go OMG, am I dying? Or even better *big fat grin* Am I having what I've been looking forward to my whole adult female life? Yes, girls and boys, the MENOPAUSE!! As I know I'm not this lucky, I smack the hubby on the arm and ask him if he's screwed with the thermostat. "Um, dunno." is the answer.

We'd agreed not to, since, we'd supervised it all evening long and it'd been fine. But, he has gone behind my back and TURNED IT UP ON 95 DEGREES.. jeez. I'm laying here in Lake Jenn wondering why I can't breathe and he's trying to give me the St. William act. You know, I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. I am hormonal this week, therefore, I may have overreacted a tad by jumping out of the bed, stomping down the hall and slamming the thermostat down on 50. I hope it snows in the house and we all get frostbite. Did I hear Jinglebells ??? GOOD!


Night 3: Well, day three.. I come home and since he won't run the air while we ain't home. IT IS ROASTING TEMPERATURE IN THIS HOUSE... The cat IS ANGRY! Therefore, now you know why he bit me. This is why it's all his fault.. If I catch the Catscratch Fever, or whatever the crap it's called, I'm blaming hubby and his ditty bag of neuroses.. I shall also use it as defense at the murder trial, well that and PMS.. because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.. Oh, come on, yall knew that was comin'


Jenn
Aaahhh Those Summer Nights

Sent down the river

m

There be gators.. YES! THERE ARE GATORS!! Luckily for moi, my mommy not only brings the tater salad, she also has a pistol. Aint she the bestest ever? *sighs* She made us burgers.. *blinks* Come to think of it, I didn't see any damn gators. OMG! If I ate gator burgers I will be very very angry! *spits* I didn't see Steve Irwin either, I wonder if these two ate him. I bet he was crunchy and tasted good with hot sauce. What? We don't do ketchup, it's hot sauce or the highway yall.

Anyhoo...
This is the first thing you see when you walk up to the Nana Compound. The reptile smiles welcome you, they say come on in, relax, set a spell. Pah. At least they match the big fat concrete one down by the water. He's scary slimey and way too realistic looking for me.

So, this was my day. I went to the river, had to stay outside all fripping day LONG! My motto has been "Outside is the reason God invented inside." for a very long time. There is a variation on it that also fits. "Outside is the reason God invented air conditioning." Yes, that's right, I live in the south, it's hot.

We went to Nana Compound, where we were fed the food of the gods, at least according to my hubby. That's hamburgers to you and me. Then, we are herded into the death barge and carted down the river Stinks. *coughs* Oh fine! We went up the river to the sand bar. I didn't want to go, but I did. She made me. My mother made me go, against my will. I'm 30 *mutter mutter* years old and I'm made to go outside. *pouts*

When we pull up to the sand bar, at first I am most put out as there are these things there that I like to call PEOPLE. I don't do people. I don't like them, I do deal well with them, I don't think they really should exist. On further investigation, however, I find they aren't actual people, they are in fact insane rednecks, whom I know. These aren't people, therefore, they do exist. Don't look at me like that, I know what you are thinking, and you're right. Let's move on.

All of these rednecks are , loud, and erm.. ok, drunk. Some are even *whispers* relatives. One or two are classmates. Yes, it is in the water, and yes we still drink it and swim in it. Not the river, which I got into, against my wishes, as it was hot and I was dying.

Also: I despise fish unless they are mealed, fried, accompanied by hushpuppies, frenchfries, light bread, and on my plate. They BIT me! This is supposed to go the other way around. Someone needs to send them a memo, waterproof of course.

There needs to be a memo sent to the idiots in the boats to stop looking at my 16 yr old daughter and saying things like wohoo baby, and yummy and oh yeah and doing that hunching the air thing. I am not amused. My husband was well past the nonamused stage. My mother was turning purple and if her husband allowed handguns on the Puddin Party Barge, they'd have been ventilated in areas that have left THEM very unamused as well. However, he doesn't allow it, as he knows my mother all too well.

The day went well, all things considered, even the hunching wohoo baby boys, which besides me giving them the one fingered universal salute, I ignored. I was all smug too, thinking that I didn't sunburn. I bragged to my fellow author friends about it. I told them that I was too ethnically enriched to burn. Well pah, I've been living like a little hermit mushroom for too long. Did you know that if you stay inside 24/7/365 that the warrantee runs out on your damn natural immunity to the sun? I didn't. But oohoo nelly, I know it now! I glow in the dark! But, never let it be said that long term exposure to the Glamazon has NOT had some had some effects..

Cause, I wore my hot pink scrubs to match my SUNBURN!


Jenna Leigh

Your Friendly Neighborhood Magenta-Neck
Somehow that just does NOT have the same ring to it.. *sighs*

Feeding your Muse..

With good home cookin', some good old country fried evil covered in home grown mean. Moouahahha. Yeah yeah, you shut up. I love a good somebody done somebody wrong song just as much as the next hick, but damn it! A girl's gotta have an anthem to stand up and kick a man to the curb by sometimes you know.

That Sara Evans almost does it, but she tends to whine in that When You Where Cheatin. It gets on my nerves after a while.

But this Danielle Peck is heifer of a different color. I like it.. the other day when I finally FINALLY figured out that I no longer had VH1 Country after a week of this here CMT Pure channel with these 330 Sessions, which aren't half bad. This is my kind of reality tv if you must know. There is no real drama, all the singers are professional already, so I don't have to listen to crap I wouldn't subject my damn shower stall to and well.. I like country music singers, cause they're a real close family. (Hank come on and tell me why do ya drank?)

So, I'm watching this show and this woman comes on and starts out and says.. Ooohhhh and basically, blows me away. LOL. I sit up and go OMG! That is the song that they should have sang back when mama and daddy broke up! Jeez. There is one line in there that states most emphatically.. Jesus forgives you, I won't.. cause Jesus loves you, but I don't..

Mean huh? Surprised this spoke to me so much that I went to the Hellmouth and bought the CD? What do you mean you aren't surprised? Oh.. you know me that well huh? I'm not surprised either *grins* That's cool.. I got the Finding a Good Man song too.. and don't think I aint singing it at the top of my lungs right now.. hubby's closed my door and turned up the tv.. he has no hope of tuning me out..

Here's to you Danielle Peck.. for feeding my mean muse and making me smile. I'm so taking this CD to my mama for a listen. She'll love it too.. The mean lil apple dont' fall far from the tree yall.

Love ya,

Jenn

Children of the Corn... Child of the 80's

Yeah yeah, shut UP! I know I'm supposed to be writing something! However, I must tell about my neurosis. I must purge my pitiful pain upon this page for all to see thereby letting out my sorrow so that I may somehow overcome *sobs*
Oh fiddle, I'm letting yall know that I'm scared of the dang corn, ok?
Yes, me! I'm afraid of corn!
***
Not on the plate, if you slather it in butter I can scarf it like a big dawg. Then I am the predator and it becomes my prey.. bwhahahahhhah. *coughs*
However, when it's on the stalk *points at the picture* looking like that, and it's dark and the wind blows through it, making that sawing sighing weird noise, I swear I hear that boy talking. "He wants you too Malachai." *shudders* Eeeek! Surely Malachai is my hubby's name, right?*runs away* (How in the crap do you spell that? and how does that little boy talk that way?)

The point is, my father in law has MEANLY planted three rows of that vicious veggie which looms over a small alley of grass for me to walk through to get to my Grandfather in law's. *grumbles*

In the day time, I'm ok. But at night, it turns into .. STEPHEN KING HOUR!! ACCK! I see things.. and then, OMG the movie Signs.. and there is no Mel Gibson to soften the blow either. *whimpers*

Why is corn so scary? And the scarecrow's too. We don't have one thank God, crows don't come down here cause it's too damn hot, and we got a mean Pom who'd eat them. *blinks* Oh and a baby who I mentioned racking the hubby in my previous blog post. *hee hee hee* She'd try and eat them too or drown them in the swimming pool. Which makes me wonder why I'm so scared of the hapless and potentially yummy corn when the Children in the Corn (aka Hubby's baby sister) are where the real danger lies.. Wait, darkness falls, big tall swaying corn.. bugs, spiders. AAAAAACK!

As always, Stephen King had the right idea..

Children of the Corn was a slash and gore book that became a slash and gore 80's film or was it a deep and abiding truthful tell all book about the frightening savagery of children? Mm, points for an author to ponder on a Sunday afternoon when she's supposed to be writing a synopsis instead.

Wait.. You realize, he used kids to scare people a lot?
Little Redrum in the Shining.. and them damn twins too.. eek
Gage in Pet Sematary.. The cat too
Carrie.. poor thing.. she went PMS postal!
Rose Red The little girl with the arm? She was scary

He likes to use little kids in his stories to lure people in to bring them down to . .. SCARE YOU! Kids are innocent they are otherworldly they are simply other to adults and he knows it. We aren't kids anymore and we sometimes look at them like they're aliens. Especially when they're teens. Babies... instruments of horror, who knew? Well, the King did. REDRUM!! And I'm not getting into the dogs, clowns and dolls *shudders* ew.


Jenn
Who is going back to her dang synopsis now.
psst.. I know there is one that will agree w/me about loving the King of Horror.. *hands her a cookie with blood red icing* *winks*

There's a thin line

Between love and hate.
This isn't just a song you know. In your relationships, whether spouse, friend, child, work (spit, hiss, growl .. er.. sorry) or where you grocery shop, (ze Hellmart) there are always two sides to the coin. Especially for me. I don't know if it's because I'm a woman, a writer, a Libra or crazy LOL or what, but I have this duality in me.

Case in point:

Hubby comes home while I'm promo-ing the book. Puts on her promo face:
Spellfire Moons is OUT !! WHOO YEAH! I'm so happy about it too, yall.

What does he do? He comes in here and stands over me like a vulture and talks while I'm trying to type out something to the loops knowing I can't walk and chew gum at the same time much less think. I stop and ask him to wait a minute and let me do this and I'll be right out. I do this nicely. *pauses* I do! Why are you all snickering, I can be nice, sometimes. So, he keeps on with his rant. I finally say, in the no longer nice way that if he doesn't remove himself from my immediate vicinity it shan't be pretty. And I gnash my teeth at him. He stalks off still ranting.

I am sick too. *cough cough cough* Is it dark in here or is it just me? Good bye cruel world! Parting is such sweet sorrow.. *opens one eye* Fine! I aint dyin but still, he could leave me the crap alone! I don't care if the daughter is still asleep at noon, hell if I could have stayed asleep I would have too! Stupid new meds, how dare they allow me to wake up so bloody refreshed feeling. Pah! Fiddle and all that. However, I do have a kidney infection, but this doesn't prevent him from whining for me to help him CLEAN THE BLOODY HOUSE
OMG THE HUMANITY THE HORROR!! THE PAIN !!!THE PAIN!!
MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!! MY BRAIN HAS MELTED..

Yall aren't buyin that any more than he did are yall? Well crap! Am I gonna have to give my Oscar back to the Academy? I refuse.. it's too damn late anways cause I peeled all the gold foil off and ate the chocy so pfffth!

So, we clean and clean and clean.. and I have way more socks than I thought, and way more bras too. Why do I keep old razors? And how in the hell did all this stuff get under the bed? *shoves it all back under there* He enjoys the vacuum, which frightens me. However, he doesn't understand the concept of the toilet brush or the comet on the sink and the cleaning the mirror of all this toothpaste flickings, which irritates ME to no end.

So, basically I hate him. *smiles*

He bought an air purifier so this is why we did all this b.s. and my room smells all clean now, like my mother's house. I will be unable to sleep for fear that she'll come sidling in and loom over me with her arms folded across her chest waiting for me to wake up so she can critique my crappy hospital corners. They're wonderful by the way, and what would SHE know? She's had a damn waterbed for the past 20 years. *snorts* I'm so glad she doesn't read my blog *blinks* At least, I hope she doesn't read my blog. Dear God, don't let her read my blog.

Still hating him...

Then, he comes into the house.. gets his Light Sabers and Darth Vadar Mask (don't ask and NO they haven't been used for THAT! gah) and goes outside. I hear him, my daughter, his baby sister and nieces outside, giggles, squeals. Then the inevitable happens, the high pitched screams begin, the sound of running, more giggles..

He comes in.. slams the door and locks it.. His baby sister (she's two) racked him with a saber.. laughed like a loon. His hair is stuck up all over his head and he looks pretty much adorable.. aw, damn, I guess I've crossed back over the line..

and I love him again,

even though he's Jethro the Redneck Jedi.. ok, especially then.And you know I'm sayin it.

The Force is strong within those young ones and yes, I am teaching them well. Impressive.. most.. impressive.. Hubby better watch out the next time the Jenn-Pire Strikes Back, cause I'm gonna teach the littlest Ewok some new tricks over behind the 3rd moon of Jenndor where he can't see us.

Jenn Vadar
Signing off..
PS: Yall know I'm really peeved now cause I am really a damn Trekkie! I'm down on my knees beggin Spocks forgiveness too(erm.. yeah that's what I'm doin' down here *winks*)

Trying to put up my cover.. Again

Here we go, hopefully. Technical difficulties are making me wish I had a magic wand. I'm moving to Spellfire TX as soon as I can.
That'd be fun. I wonder if they'll let me work at the area hospital and bandage all the cute studly men that get hurt in the bars.
A nice Were would be nice *sighs*
Oh.. er.. never mind.
*grins*
Back to your regularly scheduled insanity
Jenna Leigh