Friday, June 20, 2008

It's just an innocent article of clothing until..

On one of the loops I belong to, another author asked that we go and vote about reading romances. Well, I clicked on the link and winced, but still voted yes, because no matter what it was still a vote for something I believe in, right? Right. Then, after simmering about it for a few minutes, I hit the discussion button, commenting on my how my only choice for yes was antiquated and insulting.

However, that's not my blog, and I couldn't cut loose about the stupidity of the pollster who came up with this:

Yes! Yes! Yes! Bodice Rippers are my ultimate!

But this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. And it's this.
What freaking decade are those people living in? Bodice ripper? My grandmama read books with those beautiful painted covers that had woman bent back over the arm of the handsome brawny hero. The heroine's boobs were practically bursting out of her.. yes, I'll say it.. BODICE!

I used to like those covers because they had bright flowers, and there was usually a ship or mansion in the background, to tell you what the hero's job was in the book (ship captain aka pirate, landowner, baron, earl, etc) and the colors were eye catching. Of course, shirtless painted Fabio was way sexy with black, brown, red, etc hair too. I do love a good Fabio boob shot. Yes, that would be sarcasm. The man boobs on The Wolf's Heart, well, that's a different story. Marcus is hawt. Oohooo baby! Ahem.. anyway.

But even as a teenager, I knew that them big old girl boobs were their own bodice breakers waiting to happen. Oh come on! For the love of whalebone, did you look at those covers? Those women are cinched up tighter than Ft Knox. Just one sneeze and a seed pearl off her midnight blue velvet bodice flies across Capt'n Delamar's cabin at top speed! Go ahead and laugh, it's funny til someone loses an eye...then it's frickin hilarious! (And now yall know the real reason pirates have eye patches. Tis the Curse of the Seed Pearl. Ow crap my eye! I mean, um.. Arrgh!)

So, no, I don't care for 'bodice ripper' as a blanket term to decribe romance novels, especially since I write in the contemporary setting for the most part. I can honestly say that no bodices have ever been ripped in the making of my books. That's right, any and all boobies that come unbound in Braless in the Buick, broke out on their own, and were not freed by the ripping of bodices. Swear.

Plus, the way they phrased that question was condescending. It made me feel like a happy-go-lucky cheerleader hyped up on candy-coated Christmas crack if I said YES YES YES! Bodice rippers are my ultimate! The cheerleader analogy was irritating in the extreme because I'm a dark chocolate paranormal kinda gal, if ya wanna know the truth of it. This means I'd rather be out behind the gym smokin' with the vamps and weres--and whatever might come before the ciggy. *nudge nudge wink wink*

Now if they'd have offered the option: "Yes, I love steamy panty ripper books!" well, now that would have been a different story, which I've both read and written with happy grin on my face.

Burn Your Bodices!

Jenna Leigh