Saturday, June 30, 2007

Fantastic? Hmm, pretty good.

It's been established that my hubby has a deep and abiding love of comic book flicks. In fact, I dub him Sir William, The Duke of Comic Cinema. Whilst I being a good and trusting wife slaved over the shopping list in ZE HELLMART, he ran off to the electronics department. Oh, fine.. I was sniffing the shampoo, are yall happy? I like to sniff the shampoo, it's one of my all time fave things in the whole wide world! Sheesh! The point is this, His Grace of Geekdom got into a slight altercation with the Concubines of Capitalism at our fine department store. All about this...

He wanted this movie they said they didn't have it. He roamed around until he found an entire end cap full of them. This usually laid back man became a royal pain the the ass and stalked back to the counter informing them of the movies' location. (by shoving the DVD in their faces) He then came over to me and said they couldn't find their butts with both hands and a map. It could have gotten ugly if not for the distraction of the strawberry milkshake oreo cookies I'd placed strategically in my buggy.

So, we came home and after the putting away of groceries, some into airtight containers to keep them away from the invasive ants (grr) I lay down to rest on the couch and was subjected to this movie. (It's on again as I type by the way) It was better than I thought it'd be, not as good as say X-Men as sadly, there's no Hugh Jackman to be found anywhere, despite me looking for him. *coughs* All I'm sayin is any movie is made better for the blatant placement of the Half-Nekkie Hugh, or any blog for that matter.

Where was I? *blink blink blink* Oh, yes. What in the world were these Fantastic Fruitcakes thinking when they threw their lot in with a man named Victor Von Doom anyway? I mean really, yall, I know he's not that sort of doctor-- though he plays one on TV*snicker*--but if I were a patient and he came into my room holding out that sinisterly shiny hand of his saying, "Hi, I'm Dr. Von Doom.." That's it.. I'd be out the door before the lights could blink twice.

He was hot on Charmed too but even then.. gack! He was a demon therefore, bad. Since Sue and Reed are all smart and some junk, I know they don't watch TV except for the news or maybe a documentary on the migration habits of the Mongrovian fruit bat for shits and giggles. *rolls eyes* But I'm betting The Human Torch aka Mr. Man Hoor aka Johnny never missed an episode of the WonderBra Witches, so he should have known that Vic was a baddie before they ever hopped a rocket with him. Doom is not a person I'd be going into space with. Surely that name's a jinx. And you know he's bad anyway because he's the only one who's got any dang money in the whole movie!

Only the rich and powerful are really bad in comic movies, unless they have an English accent, a disability and are um.. bald. *Ref to Charles Xavier X-Men home of Half Nekkid Hugh*

If you're mysteriously wealthy, can walk, have all your hair and have an English accent even though you're from Germany and you're Jewish, well, you are bad! Wait, no not bad, yes, bad, no, sort of ambiguous, no bad! We're not sure really, all we know is your powers are gone. Or are we? That chess piece moved. Hmm. Dammit! *Ref to Magneto X-Men Home of.. ahem.. anyway.*

If you have all your hair, can walk and are rich (or were before you lost yo' mind) have a big science-y brain and/or are willing to experiment on yourself and hate spiders, you might be a Spiderman baddie. *Ref to Norman Osborn aka the Green Goblin and his son Harry aka Lil Green and also Dr. Otto Octavius* I think someone didn't care for his science teacher.. hmm.

Note: I only meet one of the above qualifiers, thank you very much! Wait, three , I got hair, I can walk and spiders are really icky. Well, I don't care.. Spiderman sux. More Half Nekkid Hugh!!

While Fantastic Four has made HRH happy.. I wasn't as impressed. Of course, I grade on a different scale. No Hugh and nobody as cute as Ghost Ridin' Nick Cage in a damp towel or as oldster sexy as Sam Elliot either. The action was great though and my fave character of the entire movie was Tha Thang.

Wait a minute, if he's the Duke, that makes me..The Duchess of Geekdom!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Time to Howl!!

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It's out! I'm so happy I could, well, to tell the truth, I'm too tired to do much more than wiggle my butt around in my chair right now, but I can shake that thang, lemme tell ya.

Blurb: When a nosy reporter reunites with a werewolf in tycoon’s clothing, sparks fly and passions ignite. The burning question is, who’s taming who?

Investigative Reporter Elaine Westerbrook is determined to find the answers to the questions that haunt her. Plagued all her life by dreams of creatures that can’t possibly exist, she’ll do anything to get the information she needs, up to and including reigniting a fire with the deliciously mysterious Marcus Bei—a fire she thought extinguished long ago.

Marcus Bei fought tooth and claw to be an Alpha in the corporate world but it’s nothing compared to being Alpha of his pack. It’s lonely at the top as the Lupin of the Arizona werewolf pack, but that’s the price he’ll pay to keep his pack safe from his father and others like him. So when childhood sweetheart Elaine walks back into his life, his first instinct is to shove her right back out again. But Marcus can’t find the strength to push away the very thing his other half has been waiting for so long—his mate.

Together, Marcus and Elaine search for the truth and find out if they have a future in spite of a past threatening to tear them apart. Will Elaine run when she discovers what Marcus really is, or will she accept The Wolf’s Heart?

Doin' the Chair Cha Cha

Jenna Leigh

Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Last Legacy is out now!

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Lilly Tremaine only thinks she wants to live in a fantasy world. Meeting Faelen McKenna might change her mind. He is a wyvern and a very special one, able to change into a man, if only at night. The guardian of her family for almost a thousand years, he’s here to protect her. When they finally meet face to face, sparks fly. Unfortunately, they are flying from Lilly’s eyes because he has to be the most exasperating man she's ever met.

When he whisks her off to the magical realm of Aetherea, she is amazed at the denizens of this new land. Gods, elves, fairies, muses, dragons and queens are all living in a parallel universe that exists alongside reality. However, danger looms on the horizon, because someone is trying to keep Faelen and Lilly apart. They fight the forces of evil to achieve what every fairy tale must have, a happy ending.

He grinned mischievously at her and spoke in a monotone. "You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind, a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead: Your next stop: The Twilight Zone."

She jumped when the theme song began to play on the radio. "Make that stop!" She put her hands over her ears and closed her eyes. What if she turned her head and that banshee thing was looking in her window? She would die on the spot. She hated that movie, hated that part of the movie even more so. The thought of it still had the power to give her chills. Lilly used to imagine the engine-ripping hag sitting on a tree branch outside her window waiting for her to look at her before she ripped out her heart.

When nothing scratched at the window, she opened one eye and looked around. It all seemed normal. However, years of cinematic training had taught her that’s exactly what they wanted her to think before they got her. She shuddered, cursing every book and movie she’d ever read for fueling her imagination about how bad the ‘they’ could actually be.

"Lilly, calm down. This isn’t the Twilight Zone. It’s only another place, slightly to left of the center of the universe. My kind isn’t normal, so we don’t have a normal place where just anyone can find it. This is the land of magic, the fairy, if you will. One owns this pub we’re going to, in fact. Come on." He got out and hurried around to open her door.

She sat with her fists clenched tightly in her lap. When he opened the door and the light came on, she gave another squeak and cringed. "Don’t be the banshee lady."

"Lilly! I’m not the banshee lady. She owns the music store down the street. She’s very nice."
Despite his reasonable tone, she refused to leave the safety of the car. Instead, she curled up a little further in the seat. He squatted down beside her and put his hand on hers, giving it a tug. "Come on."

"No, you go on ahead, I’ll be fine right here, honest." She closed her eyes again.

"I will protect you, I promise." He sounded sincere, plus, she hadn’t heard any banshees howling yet.

She cracked one eye open. "Swear?"

"Yes." He raised his right hand and gave her a solemn look. She stared back just as solemnly then, with a decisive nod let him help her out of the car. Her legs were shaky, but the warmth of his hand on her arm was reassuring. Lilly smoothed her dress, then her hair.

"Stop fidgeting, you look fine." He put his arm around her waist as he led her to the door of the pub. Soon they stood before an ancient round door studded with square-headed nails. It looked like the entrance to a dungeon, or hell. Either way, she was sure whatever lay behind it would terrify her. Banshees? There were actually banshees? This sucked rocks.

Faelen knocked, and a small panel about midway on the door opened.

"Who is it?" someone hissed.

"Who the hell do you think?" Faelen leaned down and glared at the person behind the door. "Let me in, dammit. It’s cold."

"Bloody hell, you again?" The panel slid closed and Lilly sighed in relief. Good, they couldn’t go in; she was fine with that, really. Then came a sound designed to fill a person with dread, a sound to chill the bones, and still the beating of a person’s heart. It was the creaking of the door opening.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Trailer Trash Barbie and Her Little Sister is Skipper

Thanks to an email from Jamie Hill I have a Rant.. I mean blog subject. Britney Spears, who's been acting like she ain't got the sense God gave a billy goat now wants her fans to name her CD for her. Seriously she expects people to buy it, she should at least have the decency to name it.

She started out with a bang. I remember when she jumped out onto the stage in her white pants and pink belly baring top shaking her jailbait money maker like she had good sense. I know people wondered what her mama was thinking. I can guess what Mama Spears thought cause, I know the area the vapid little cow hails from. There ain't no future down there for girls but marrying some loser with kids of his own, who only wants to make her pregnant ASAP.

Wait, that's what happened with KFed. Hmm. Apparently, even the goofy as she is, she could see the irony of her situation because she started drinking and partying hard. Of course, she's 'sober' and is in rehab now. At least she will be until the get out of jail party her friend Paris Slut-ton throws.

Well, she'd best shape up! Hasn't she ever watched Steel Magnolias? Dolly Parton would bitch slap her with a curling iron then give her one of her wigs, and let's face it, she needs it because whatever that thing is she's been wearing looks like poodle that's been run over by truck. If it were up to me, we'd rescind her citizenship making so she could NEVER cross the Louisiana state line again and take that insanimaniac family of hers with her.

Now look none of us are perfect down here. People love our 'Cajun Cookin' but we're even more famous for our crooked politicians past and present. Then, there were those crazed looters who stole jewelry and furs because dammit they were hungry *rolls eyes* haven't we all had a tasty grilled diamond bracelet? As Rachel Raye would say, "Yummo!" Then there's the familiar refrain of "Who dat talking bout beatin dem Saints, who dat?" And the even more familiar snarky reply of "Basically, every team in the NFL, har har har!" That's fine, LSU won so yall can just kiss our Lagnappe, ya hear? But damn, that girl gives us good Louisiana folks a bad name.

I'm going to say this for all of us downhome, backroad, country girls who have kept our mouths shut because we've had what we like to call home raising. We were taught to be polite, not to raise a fuss. But there comes a time in every Southern Girl's life when enough is enough. It's time to face the ugly truth. Britney please, for the love of gumbo, stop flashing your hoohah by 'mistake'. That's a lie, yall. Every Southern girl learned from the time she could walk, how to get out of a frickin Bigfoot truck in a short skirt and high heels on Sunday morning without showing the preacher what they got. If that girl wants me to believe she can't get out of a lowslung limo without showing the free world her Brazilian, well, she's out of her shaved little brain. And if she can't.. here's a thought..wear underwear.

Perhaps she's just been away too long. Britney, honey, stop flashing. For one thing, it's not the season for it. And another, even during Mardi Gras, every Louisiana girl knows the phrase is "Show Us Your Tits" not your bits.

Bayou Babe

Jenna Leigh

Friday, June 01, 2007

Somthin' Sinister's A'Slitherin' at the Circle K

I'm a former employee of this chain of stores whose only real claim to fame was being in the fine piece of cinema known as Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. You know the movie that launched fine actors such as Alex Winter and others. Except the dude that played Ted, his career just went nowhere, huh? But , I'm not here to talk about cute yet wooden-faced actors who can't act for crap (unless he's high), but look damned good doing it. (Well, perhaps when I was high)

No, this is about the Circle K, namely the one in my Redneck of the woods. One of the employees of Circle K called my father-in-law (the manager) a few minutes ago to come and kill a five foot long water moccasin. His reply. "Kiss my old Irish arse. I'm disabled, remember? Oh yes I am dammit! I'm diabetic!" *click*

Now, I realize what you're all thinkin'. Ah, this is Jenn, she says she lives in 'das stix' so, what's the big deal? Yeah yeah, I live in the sticks but Circle K is in what passes for the city around here. Stroptropolis, if you will. Then, and here's the kicker. This is the fourth very large water moccasin they've gotten out of Circle K in the past month. I'm not really afraid of snakes. Okay, don't get me wrong, I'm not their biggest fan either, but a water moccasin is not one of my favorites because it's aggressive, territorial and if you wanna know the freakin truth, just plain mean.

I don't know about yall, but I figure it's time to call in a professional or failing that a psycho, namely my mother. She feels snakes and sharks are all out to get her anyway and has adopted "Shoot them suckers first" as her motto, hell, it's on our family crest. If you're wondering, that would be a hand written sign to warn people about stealing our crap. People meaning strangers who don't know about my mother.

I figure my father-in-law could give my mama a carton of siggies, a pair of boots, and a box of ammo and just let her go to town in there. He'd get rid of the snakes and the store would be well ventilated by the time she was done. Being that it is my mother, before she left, the candy would be color coded, dusted, and aligned with the planet Venus too. You do not want to freaking know what it was like living with Mondo Mommy Dearest From Hell. She should be glad she ain't well ventilated is all I'm sayin.

So, please, be aware that the snakes are out and apparently, they think they're supposed to be shoppin at the local convenience stores. Okay, I don't know what they're thinkin' but unless you've got my mother on your hip (God knows she'd fit!) just be careful.

Luv and Hisses!