Friday, June 01, 2007

Somthin' Sinister's A'Slitherin' at the Circle K

I'm a former employee of this chain of stores whose only real claim to fame was being in the fine piece of cinema known as Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. You know the movie that launched fine actors such as Alex Winter and others. Except the dude that played Ted, his career just went nowhere, huh? But , I'm not here to talk about cute yet wooden-faced actors who can't act for crap (unless he's high), but look damned good doing it. (Well, perhaps when I was high)

No, this is about the Circle K, namely the one in my Redneck of the woods. One of the employees of Circle K called my father-in-law (the manager) a few minutes ago to come and kill a five foot long water moccasin. His reply. "Kiss my old Irish arse. I'm disabled, remember? Oh yes I am dammit! I'm diabetic!" *click*

Now, I realize what you're all thinkin'. Ah, this is Jenn, she says she lives in 'das stix' so, what's the big deal? Yeah yeah, I live in the sticks but Circle K is in what passes for the city around here. Stroptropolis, if you will. Then, and here's the kicker. This is the fourth very large water moccasin they've gotten out of Circle K in the past month. I'm not really afraid of snakes. Okay, don't get me wrong, I'm not their biggest fan either, but a water moccasin is not one of my favorites because it's aggressive, territorial and if you wanna know the freakin truth, just plain mean.

I don't know about yall, but I figure it's time to call in a professional or failing that a psycho, namely my mother. She feels snakes and sharks are all out to get her anyway and has adopted "Shoot them suckers first" as her motto, hell, it's on our family crest. If you're wondering, that would be a hand written sign to warn people about stealing our crap. People meaning strangers who don't know about my mother.

I figure my father-in-law could give my mama a carton of siggies, a pair of boots, and a box of ammo and just let her go to town in there. He'd get rid of the snakes and the store would be well ventilated by the time she was done. Being that it is my mother, before she left, the candy would be color coded, dusted, and aligned with the planet Venus too. You do not want to freaking know what it was like living with Mondo Mommy Dearest From Hell. She should be glad she ain't well ventilated is all I'm sayin.

So, please, be aware that the snakes are out and apparently, they think they're supposed to be shoppin at the local convenience stores. Okay, I don't know what they're thinkin' but unless you've got my mother on your hip (God knows she'd fit!) just be careful.

Luv and Hisses!



Mary Stella said...

The only snakes I've seen at our local Circle K have two legs. *g*

Jenna Leigh said...

My mama would shoot those too if not for those annoying things called 'laws', you know. LOL!!