Saturday, December 30, 2006

New Year New Me and They Like Me They Really Like Me




Oh, I sincerely doubt that, let me get that out of the way right up front. I never really make New Year's resolutions simply because I know my own faults very well indeed. They are sloth, laziness, and procrastination. If you're thinking that those first two mean the same thing, oh well, who cares? My strengths are a large quantity of bitter rage, the will to spew it, and the gall to do it with a smile. Ok, I'm not that bad... most of the time. *grins*

However, I've made up my mind to be a little better at some of the things I can change. So, here's my list for 2007

1. Write more every single day. Before I hit the mail list, the loops, or even turn on my messenger. Write something. It doesn't have to be on the same thing, just write. I have a tendency to get side tracked easily, and before I know it, I'm sucked into Cyber Land.. which if you must know has CyberChocy and CyberCrack available for free. Both are addictive as hell.

2. Be kind remember to unwind. I've got this thing going on right now with my shoulder, neck and head that I think is stress related. Numbness and tingling.. Ack! Gotta get rid of it, or I'm gonna need some surgery. No.. eek, no cutting. NO!

3. Walk. That's right outside, in the open air. Blech. Me, the hermit, communing with nature. I despise the outdoors with a passion. But I'm going to start making myself walk starting the first pretty day in January. *gag me*

4. Be there for my family. My daughter will be gone before I know it. I am the kind that tends to distance myself, emotionally and physically, for reasons I don't even begin to go into here, but I'm stopping that. She's growing up, almost grown, heck she IS grown.. sighs. My hubby's a saint and I'm the sinner in the relationship, maybe it's time to sin a little more with him. *grins*

5. Promo more. That's right. I'm a writer. However, I've never been comfortable with tooting my own horn to advertise that fact. I'm the aw shucks yeah, I wrote this and all type of person. Maybe it's a southern thing, maybe it's a girl thing, maybe it's that I don't want to be bragging and push away potential friends, or a combination of all that, but I'm proud of what I do. I'm good at it or they wouldn't keep saying yes to my submissions, right? Right! Call me the promo princess! The selling slu.. er.. I'll stop right there and say I'll put myself out there more.


In the interests of getting an early start, I'll do a little bit of that tonight.


Braless in the Buick earned a CAPA nomination in from The Romance Studio!

I was so surprised to see my name in the Contemporary Romance section and yes, very pleased as well! I'd like to take this opportunity to thank them for the nomination and thanks to Linda for the wonderful review she gave me that made me feel so good when I first started out. Those make a difference, no matter when you get them but to a new author, they make a world of difference.



Oh and just to let you all know that Braless in the Buick is on sale now at

Champagne Books in print form

and

Fictionwise in ebook



Happy New Year!


Jenna





Friday, December 22, 2006

Crazy Days of Christmas

You can't actually see ME, which is a good thing as I look like crap in this picture. However, the sign gives you an idea of how my trip to town went, I would have LOVED to have either of those two items today.

We'd planned to go to the mall, however, when we got about a mile from there, and saw that the line of cars waiting to get into the parking lot was at least that long, my husband and myself decided that discretion was the better part of valor and our small stash of Christmas cash would be better spent on gifts instead of bail money. So, we turned around and scooted back the way we'd come, and I found out that the ULM Starbucks has some pretty spiffy coffee. Yeehaw, go Warhawks! *gag me on THAT* but that's a different blog.

Off we did trot to ze Hellmouth as fast as our caffeine enchanced tootsies allowed which, if you must know is pretty darned quick. Go Java! Once there, hubby immediately made me go with him to toys. I've hypothosized (read ranted) that everything in the Hellmouth is centered around the toy and/or the electronics department so that to reach what you need you must pass these two things and therefore, you have to listen to your child/man whine that he needs this or that toy. I know this to be true as I've spent the last 16 years of my life in the possession of these two things--a child or man.

My husband could absolutely LIVE in the toy and/or electronic department. If he's not in one, he's in the other. I can get lost in this store, disappear *snaps* like that. He, on the other hand, will always in one of these places, scoping out the kewl new action figures *coughs* dolls *coughs* or else digging in that Hell's Pit of retail, the Bargain Movie Bin.

That's right, ladies, if your hubby goes missing, just trip right over to that section of the Hellmouth and I bet you'll see his legs waving around in the air as he's diving for D-Class dreck disguised as watchable cinema. Priced to move, this stuff will make into your living room where you'll be subjected to the antics of Bill and Ted, Bob and Doug, Dumb and Dumber, and Me Myself and Irene, a threesome from Hell if ever there was one, then again this is Hellmouth we're talkin about. I'm not sayin that there aren't some diamonds in the rough there, like Better Off Dead (ooh John!) or Big Trouble in Little China, which are classic cult hits, but they're few and far between and not worth the me having to tow him out of that pit by his ankles time and again.

However, today, he promised me that he had a game plan, he even had on his game face. Ha! The face lasted until he got out of toys and into electronics. Ooh, says he.. movies. "NO!" I say. "We have enough movies." But but but.. as he stutters, I attempt to tow him away from the endless array of movies. Alas, I failed and we brought home two more. Blech. Therefore I left him and went in search of the that mythical unmentionable .. a bra that fits.. HAA AS IF! However, it does make him flip out when he can't find me because I'm in the ladies' fitting room cursing beneath my breath as I fight with lycra and spandex two materials which I know where invented in Hell and wasn't the bra invented by a man? I come out of the fitting room to see the clerk giving me the worried 'OMG you've got a stalker' eye and look to see him standing there scowling. I smile and hold myself back from running him over with my cart; (more than once) put back the other five bras and keep the one that sort of fits. Yay me (pah)

Then we go and get ________ (this part of the blog has been censored due to evil nosy teen girl who may read) after that it's a bit of grocery shopping, a flyby trip to the book store, and then off to eat and HOME!! Oh no.. wait.. the dollar store for some bags then HOME!! oh dear wait... he wants me to go to the hometown Hellmouth. *sigh* Sometimes, I think he's addicted or more accurately possessed. I am going to have to see someone about this fetish of his.

Then, finally after seeing that my daughter is safely at McHell, working the window like the little minion she is, we finally oh finally come HOME! I'm ready to kill him until.. he puts on an elf hat with a bell on the end, sneaks off and wraps a present for me and smiles as he asks me with the biggest, shiniest, most Christmas-y eyes I've ever seen on a grown man if I'd like to shake it.

Sighs.. I've gone and caught the Christmas Cooties from my hubby the luv bug and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Merry Christmas Yall

Jenna Leigh

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Coffee Time Romance and Champagne Books

Invites you to join us for our 2nd annual Christmas Party
Tonight Starting at 9:00 PM Eastern/8:00 Central
Special prize to ALL who attend!
http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/chat_entry.html

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Five Favorite Christmas Songs



Kate Davies hit me with a Christmas Tag. No, not the sort that come on presents, though, that reminds me, I need to wrap some packages before my nosy family starts snooping around.


But, that would mean I had to get up off my lazy butt, so instead, I'll tell you my five favorite Christmas songs of all time.


1. O Holy Night-Preferably sung by Aaron Neville, because that man can put a hurting on a high note like nobody's business. Plus, I know this one by heart from all my years in church choir, so I can sing along, loudly, to my family's everlasting delight.


2. Silent Night-Again, I can sing along, or all by myself. Hmm, are you sensing a theme here? My family does, ooh, around Thanksgiving when I start flipping the dial to search out that one station that's started to play Christmas carols.


3. Silver Bells-Not much to do with the religious aspect of the holiday, but more the memories of a time gone by when people were nicer, even when shopping. I like to listen to it and smile happily to myself and think 'yeah as if' right before I walk into the mall. Then, reality sets in with a vengence. Those stop lights may blink a bright red and green, but the cop's lights a bright blue, yall. I didn't sock that lady, honest, officer, she ran into my foot, all ten times. *grins*


4. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree-You can't listen to this and sit still and/or be quiet. I've loved this song since I was a little girl. I've known all the words since then too. Yeah, I sing it, and yeah, I do rock around the living room, shakin' my butt to the beat too. I'm sure Santa would approve.


5. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas- This song is sad, and yet somehow manages to be hopeful at the same time. I've always loved Judy Garland's version best, perhaps because she manages to be sad and hopeful at the same time too. This may not be the tradional sort of carol, but Christmas is about hope and peace and looking for good in spite of the bad, and this song sums it up for me.


Those are my five faves.. but I'll sing along to any others I know, and there are quite a few, let me tell you. While I can carry a tune pretty well, I'm no Judy, that's for sure. But, Christmas has a way of making singers of us all.


Merry Christmas


Jenna






Monday, December 11, 2006

Becka has Tagged me! Bah Humbug

Four jobs I’ve had:
convenience store clerk
short order cook
secretary
Author (grins)


Four Places I’ve lived:
Marion
Dean
Haile
Bastrop

Four favorite foods:
Pizza
Sushi
Lamb
Ettouffee

Four movies I could watch over and over:
Rush Hour
Wizard of Oz
National Treasure
Kung Fu Hustle

Four TV shows I enjoy:
Heroes
Good Eats
Paula Deen
Little Britain



Four places I’ve traveled:
New Orleans
Baton Rouge
Dallas
Jackson MS





Four places I’d like to visit:
Ireland
Scotland
Paris
Italy


Four websites I go to (almost) daily:
Google
Yahoo
My Space
Coffee Time


Four people I’m tagging to do this too:

Mary Martinez
Karen aka Glamazon
Mechele Armstrong
Corrine/FeyRhi

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Rated Auurgh.. or Oh Johnny *sighs*


My husband can be counted on to buy just about any movie under the sun that has fights and/or a lot of special effects in it, so I was sure he'd get POC2 when it hit the shelves of our local Hellmouth. I was right of course. You don't live with someone for as long as I have without killing them without getting to know their neuroses ummm.. cute little quirks.
He's a total movie geek. I'm not jokin' yall. He LOVES movies, and when DVD's hit, he went insane replacing all his VHS copies with the new improved versions, making sure to have them all wide-screen.
When the Star Wars movies came out he almost lost his mind wondering which he should buy because as we know, Lucas aka the devil likes to change his movies as often as third grade boys like to change their undies... or as often as he himself likes to change his own. I'm just sayin! Maybe if he was busy doin other things, he wouldn't be switchin up those movies for my man to be wasting his money one when he could be spending it on more important things.. like me! Where was I before I started this I'm a Star Wars Widow and Lucas is the Widow Maker Rant anyways? *looks at picture* Oh yeah!
Pirates.. *dreamy sigh* Ok, I'm quite sure that most of the ladies and all of the teenaged girls and a erm.. few of the men out there think that Orlando is the dreamier of the two, however. Nobody makes my knees dip like the Depp. In the movies, he's so delightfully ditzy and naughty that you can't help but know that he had fun camping up his role as Captain Sparrow. I did point at the screen at one point and inform my husband that Johnny stole his run, this didn't go over well as you can imagine, if you've seen Cap'n Jack mince across the sands with his arms in the air. Hmm. Maybe the boys like Cap'n Jack too. My hubby, Orlando and Johnny's appeal aside and I know about it from eye witness knowledge about the first of those and secondhand from the countless sites dedicated to the latter two in photoshopped clenches. *wince* Moving on, and hopin hubby don't read my blog where I've just told he's been hit on.. and that there's no sites dedicated to him either.
Oh but ew, did Davey Jones have to have tentacles on his face?! All I could think was, well, if he get's hungry he can always hack one off and fry it up for calamari. Blech. But you won't be disappointed with the action in this movie, there's lots. It's also sort of darker, and more violent too. I know you go come on! There's buckles to be swashed, planks to be walked, but really this is a kid's movie, and there are bits that are scary, for little kids, not me.. um.. I'm not goin to revisit my humilating moment in the theater at the Harry Potter movie with the spiders.. I'm not and well, yall can't make me. Suffice to say, the f-bomb was dropped, repeatedly. GAH!
By now you've realized that this post was only an excuse for me to put up a picture of Johnny Depp.. ahhh Johnny.. I loved the movie but my eye was on the Sparrow the entire time. It's true, then there's the fact that if I say more, I'll spoil the whole thing for you. Can't do that, it goes against the code. Even rednecks have a code.
Land Ho,
Dread Pirate Jenna

Ho Ho Ho .. oh Just Shoot Me!


Just shoot me… Honestly, why in the world did I let my hubby talk me into going shopping today of all days? Of course, I did need to get those last minute Christmas gifts out of the way. *pauses* Ok, if the truth be known, I needed to get ALL my gifts.. Yeah yeah, I hear you, go ahead and boo at me. I'm no scrooge, I like to give, but I hate to shop. Factor in that I’m a princess of procrastination, a champion of puttin’ off today what I'll wait til the last minute to do next week and you have a retail disaster of epic proportions. And today, was no exception.

First of all, I'd told the darling teen queen of mean that she couldn't come with because..
One: She had to be to work at McHell by six and this would severely curtail my shopping time as I didn't get off work til 1: 30.
Two: We planned on buying the little darling some presents today. How the crap do you get the nosiest child on the planet, nay, in the known universe anything when she's right there asking Whazzat? Huh? Is it for me? Can I have it now? I don't need things under the tree? Please, come onnn!
Not that I actually have my tree up. *sighs* Yeah, I'm the grinch, sue me.

Our first stop was the mawl. I purposefully use my regional pronunciation of this word to both entertain you and show what it can do to the unwary shopper. Yes, mawlllll. We say it like that down here in the deep south. But beware, you can be mauled if you go in there without being prepared to wait in line and/or deal with twits who have no clue as to their main purpose in life. This purpose, I'm sorry to tell ya, is to serve ME! That’s right, Jethro and Jethra, you ain’t there to file your nails, chew bubble gum and roll your eyes. You are to step up to the counter when I walk up to it, and ask me if you can help me. I got the money, you got the time, savvy?
So, I spent no money in the mawl except at the lovely wonderful Starbucks *big caffeine grins* as they know how to treat an addict, I mean customer. They even write my name on my cup with a big fat black marker and everything. Besides, I didn't find jack crap. Eh.

However, hubby successful in another unnamed store, albeit peeved about his experience. While I distracted evil child with food, he hoofed it down the midway and got er.. something. He told her, I’m buying this and need to hide it from someone that’s with me. She smiled widely and stuffed it in the bag with a conspiratorial wink and then proceeded to spritz it with the store perfume thereby giving what amounts to the BAT SIGNAL to all and sundry, especially my child what's in the bag. He grumbled about listening to the whole spiel without even getting a glimpse of the signature sexy women in the glittering bras and wings. He was most put out about the whole project. I bought him a muffin in Starbucks to make up for it and I only ate half of it. Ahh, I feel the Christmas Spirit welling up inside of me..

Then, we went to get his frickin comics. *waits for an eternity after he goes inside*
Dear God Mama, what's he doin in there?
Dunno..
Go get him
No
Lemme out I will
NO
Yes
NOOO
OMG, I'm gonna die... *whines, wails, gnashes teeth*
*ten minutes after hell freezes over he comes out* What are yall glarin' at me for?
Nuthin.. just get in the car, Daddy before we die of hypothermia. (she can get all uppity when peeved you know)

And then we're off.. to saints preserve us.. the Hellmouth. I go in and immediately start looking for presents. Hubby stays with me, daughter takes off to parts unknown. She has her cell and hubby has mine, why? I have no idea as he doesn't know how to use it. It's in his pocket, it rings and vibrates, but he won't answer it. I ask why, he just stares at me like a deer caught in the headlights. "Uh.. what?" Making me snatch it from him and snarl in the middle of the Hellmouth. Does he not know they will pull me into the fold thinking I am one of the devil's own? Sheehs! However, I get pressies.. so I am soothed for a moment.. til HE DISAPPEARS! I turn and he's vanished, then he gets all iffy saying we did it. Well, no, not even.

Then the freak insists I go into BAMM. I am too tired for a round with Book Nazi and Moth Man, however, I did get Broken by Kelly Armstrong.. Wahhooo! I reread Industrial Magic today and it was as good as I remembered. I'm going to read Haunted as I've never gotten around to it. Love those books. Where was I? Ooh yes! He stopped at the Raisin Canes (blech) Got his icky food that he makes me hold so he can eat while driving (double blech)

And the race to Strop City is on! We make it just in time for daughter's work.. she changed in the back seat. *sighs* She gets that from her grandmother, I swear. Then he takes me to the Hellmouth in our hometown. Two trips to Hellmouth in one night! I think I need an exorcist.
Or more likely a good divorce attorney.



My heart my grow three sizes
but it shrinks right back the day after Christmas


Jenna The Redneck Grinch

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Champagne Christmas..



Happy Holidays from Jenna Leigh and Champagne Books!

Jake and Allie don't stand a chance against the Neighborhood Inquisition when they set their sights on getting them together. That's not a fiddler on the roof, it's the nosy neighbor with her night vision goggles in the gazebo, beside her is the lusty housewife with her sex-files, along with the mystical misfit and the diva ex sister in law all with the heroine's best interests at heart. Put them together and you have literary weapon guaranteed to split your sides with laughter. So, pick up a copy of Braless in the Buick today, you'll be glad you did especially right now because it's on sale at Champagne Books, just in time for the holidays!

Give the gift of love and laughter this season with a copy of Braless in the Buick and other select print titles on sale now at Champagne Books!

Champagne Books

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

So, I watched a movie that isn't for kids.

I've begun to like my child working at McHell quite a lot. It frees mine and hubby's evenings up for things like watching Clerks II without having to worry if MAYBE she shouldn't be watching that sort of thing. The answer is no, she isn't gonna. I'm not really sure if I should have watched it, but I'm glad I did. I love revisiting the old characters and meeting the new ones. Elias was funny, and hearing about Mr. Pillow Pants made me laugh so hard my head hurt. Do I want to watch it again? Do I have a choice is the real question. My hubby's movie habits are somewhat obsessive if you must know. He'll watch the movie until he's got it memorized and then he'll watch it again.


Anyoo, the movie was the raunchiest, crudest, silliest mess I've ever had the fortune to watch. I love the Dante character, because I've been a clerk myself. I've never been a dealer, but umm Kevin Smith is back as Silent Bob, and yeah Jay, the poster boy for Ritalen is back too, though, he seems to be more.. erm.. mellow? Maybe they sprang for him some qualudes this trip or something, I dunno.

I recommend this but only to those that don't get easily offended because they cover it all: sex(of all sorts), drugs, religion, race, creed, bestiality and if that wasn't bad enough, they even pick on LOTR and the poor Transformers. Gah! But, I liked the ending.

Oooh, but I did see the trailer for another one that I am SO going to see one that seems to have just hooked a hose up and SUCKED my hubby's life then blew it out onto the movie screen called FanBoy. It's all about STAR FREAKING WARS! (see previous post titled I am a Star Wars Widow) There is a scene where StarWars geeks meets the Star Trek WARRIORS *ahem* that made me hoot. Of course, I know and you know that if that ever happened I'd *coughs* I mean Star Trek would win. Yes.. cause I mean, I'm not a Trekkie, oh no no, a Star Wars Fan and a Spock Lover cannot co-exist all know that. It would be a warzone, and I'll say again, I'd win.




Spocks Gurl 4-ever
(oh, shut up, Glamazon)

Jenna Leigh

Sunday, November 26, 2006

I'm late, but still thankful


I've been a little busy with family visits, and then doing edits on the Wyvern(whoohooo yeah! *shaking the butt* Go Faelen, it's yo birthday uh huh! *coughs*) and revamping my website, but I'm still very thankful, for a lot of things too..

As I'm a redneck, number one on my list will ALWAYS be..

My mama..
She's wonderfully wise, witty, funny, mean (yeah, this is a good thing) sweet, smart, and full of life. Twice my age with three times my energy, I hope to be like her when I grow up.

My husband..
Compassionate, strong, caring, and easy going enough to put up with ME for the past eight and a half years. He's the one person I know I can count on no matter what. Love you hubby.

My daughter..
Smart, sweet, funny, and just mean enough to say no to the boys. That last one I'm REALLY thankful for. LOL! She's a capable minded girl, and I'm so glad she's mine.

The rest of my family..
They're all pretty cool. They don't try to kill me or each other too often and when they do, it's always entertaining enough to make it either into my stories, or at the least into my blog. Who could ask for anything more outta kinfolk? Except maybe some more sausage bread from my aunt. *whines*

My life..
I've got it pretty good. I have enough to eat, a warm place to sleep, clothes to wear, a job that I can say I hate, yet still keep. I'm also lucky enough to have another life as an author, which gives me the freedom to express myself in ways that I never thought possible, and probably keeps me from killing the folks at my dayjob, that I hate.. ok, I said that before, but it needs repeating.. not that I'm not thankful for it. *winks*


Thankfully yours,

Jenna

PS: Oh crap! I'm ever so grateful for the Evil Feline Overlord, slayer of junebugs, lizards and the odd mouse. *bows low* Forgive me my master. Pffth.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Sexiest Man Alive

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My real pick for Sexiest man is this guy, but hey, I'm not the owner of the magazine..

I'm a romance author, right? So, technically it could be considered research if I say, SNATCHED the People's Magazine off the rack at the Hellmouth and tossed it into my buggy faster than a choc-o-holic pulls the wrapper off a Hersey's Kiss. I'd know about that, as I'm addicted to both handsome faces and the cocoa bean's wonderful by-product. I need inspiration for my leading men after all. They have to have that certain something that makes women want to hop into bed with them, to read about them for over five pages, and well, I mean.. *sighs* Fine, I'm shallow as crap! On one of my loops today I admitted freely that I'd never read the articles in Playboy if I were a man. I also buy books for the cover, and what a cover this book had.

Two words: George Clooney

By themselves they aren't too much, ok, Clooney is a pretty well-known name in Hollywood. Rosemary was a wonderful woman, warm, witty, fun and her voice made you stand up and take notice. Nick Clooney, not so much, but I think he's handsome too.

However, George has always been this mouthwateringly handsome man with dark eyes and a snarky smile that lets you know he's thinking bad things .. or hoping he is anyway. He's also got this sarcastic wit that he usually aims at himself that I really love. Lot's of women realized his sex appeal in ER, but I've I've loved him since he was in Facts of Life, therefore, I have dibs. Yes, I am that old, yall shut up.

If it were only George in the magazine, I'd be happy, but imagine my delight when I turned the pages (wet with drool as they were, I did manage) and found Matthew McHottyheyhey and oh my stars and garters, Hugh Jackman as well, urm.. I may sort of kinda you know think he's kinda hot. *coughs* I flipped past some of the less than stellar entries, and almost thought the rest of the book was a bust I see Johnny Depp (OMG!) and ooh yeah Josh Holloway, who is fast becoming one of my favorite reasons to watch TV. Ah, yes, life is good. Damn the research.. I'm just gonna stare until I rub the glossy sheen off, then maybe I'll go and buy myself another copy. I do wonder if they are tax deductible and if I get paper cuts, can I get workman's comp?

Signed
Jenna Leigh
The Shallow Gal

Saturday, November 18, 2006

A Tale of Two Liberties

Last week I posted about the death of my grandfather in law. Well, we all gathered together to give him a proper redneck waking, which is to say, all of his children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren came in from around the US to say goodbye and eat and .. get drunk. *raises brow*

So, once all of the family arrived, the babies were kissed, tears were shed, and pantyhose were bought, we got ourselves ready for the funeral. The two children, four grandson, and two granddaughters were put up front and then, we attempted to corral the smaller ones, however, this is easier said than done. But, that helped distract us from our grief, and since it was mostly family, we didn't really care that the baby did the backstroke on the carpet at her Bubba's feet. Nobody but the preacher saw her anyway.

Then it was the trip to the graveyard, over 30 miles away in my neck of the woods. Yes, I'm a transplant, having moved away from my old hometown to live with the love of my life, in another Parish, my mother is most put out. We all line up in our pickups, SUV's and all, and the sheriff's car gets in the front and turns on his lights... as do we, as this is a new law, put in place by our darlin gov. *frowns* She needs to deal with the real issues and leave things like lights during funerals and helmets, etc alone, but that's another blog for another day.

Anyhoo, as we leave one parish and head into another, yet another policeman takes over our escort. At the stop signs, policemen wait with their hats off and their badges covered, which is a very nice thing to do, and always makes me tear up when I see it.

The trouble begins when we hit the bridge leading into MY old Parish. Oh the joy! We head off to the Y that leads to the town that holds the graveyard that will be Joe's final resting place, but we don't go Right.. no we go LEFT. I say, in my sweet dulcet tones, "Why are we going this way? Does not this smart policeman know the way to Liberty?" (yes, I did say this!) Ok, fine, I yelled at the top of my voice that we were going the wrong way and the po-po was insane, are you happy? It did no good, but I felt better.

Like lemmings we follow him for over 35 miles over hill and dell through some of the most twisted pathways and pig trails that F-ville has to offer until you have to practically pipe in sunshine. We pass a sign that says: Liberty Baptist Church with an arrow pointing down the road to take.. the policeman goes right past it. Again, I point, again I yell, again, we follow, like dumb ducks, until finally we begin to see granite headstones. Then, I notice something about the church at the end of the circle drive. First off, Liberty Baptist doesn't have a circle drive and secondly, it isn't white with a steeple.

They've brought us to the wrong church. They've brought my pawpaw in law to the wrong planting place! OMG in heaven!! The horror, the humanity, the utter unmitigated gall and atrocity! The.. *snorts* Ok, I laughed. Yes, I did. See, the name of this church is Liberty Hill Baptist the name of the church we're supposed to be at is Liberty Babtist Church. Now, what's in a name you ask? Well, about 15 dollars worth of gas and 5 inches off the short fuse of our uncle's temper! I thought he and the DH's daddy were gonna whack that cop! Good thing there was a handy graveyard to bury him in huh?

So, we all turned around in the convenient circle drive and went back the way we'd come, more than likely giving the people we'd just had pull off on the shoulder the idea they we'd just chunked our deceased relative in the hole and ran. We did make it to the correct church and we did lay Joe to rest beside his beloved Mae.. and you know, I'm betting he laughed too. He liked riding round and this time he bought all of us along for the ride.



Comments heard after the funeral..

"Gosh the trip back didn't take long at all! "
"Why didn't we go back the way we came?"
"Where we lost?"
"Did yall see that dog and quail statuary? How tacky OMG!! I want one."
"Why is the cop in such a hurry?"


Give me Liberty or give me death, but give me the right one!

Jenna

PS: No, I did not shoot the sheriff. But my father in law shot the deputy (the finger)
PPS: Good news was, no goats in the graveyard this time. Or Emus. Or Jackasses. Did I mention this is the woods? Do I really gotta?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Come Chat With Jenna Leigh and JMorgan




Chat on Coffee Time Yahoo Loop
Friday November 17th
6 PM - 9 PM Central
7 PM - 10 PM Eastern





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Join Jenna Leigh, and J. Morgan author of 'The Michelangelo Blues' from Triskelion Publishing, as they heat up the Internet with excerpts from their books, prizes, and more!!

Friday, November 10, 2006

For Joe

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I've already lost my grandparents.. maternal and paternal, however, one lone person stepped in to fill the void, and did so admirably for a very long time, and his name was simply, Joe. Not papaw, grandpaw, or any other moniker for me, as I had all those in the past, just a simple Joe would do. After his wife of many years passed away, he began that slow slide into old age that we all saw but chose to ignore in favor of believing he'd live forever, despite his own protests and yes, wishes to the contrary.

I knew he loved her and missed her very much indeed. He lived in that house without her to fuss and fight with him for seven long and lonely years and I knew it was hard, but he did it for one reason: grandkids. Wait, let me clarify, great-grandkids. The babies, the little ones and up until a few months ago, you could just say, the girls, then my hubby's brother finally broke the curse and made a little boy.

So, after drifting along in a life that must have seemed half full, made only brighter by the visits of the children of his grandchildren, and yes, the most recent addition to the family by his own son, Joe somehow kept his cheerful demeanor around him. I knew he missed her, as he'd tell us. I knew he felt his time was nearing an end, as he informed me of this when he had an xray during his last hospital stay. His "I'm bout ready for the boneyard." was met with a, "Aw, Joe, don't say that." by me and a hug. But, somehow, I felt he meant it this time.

With him, I've seen my own child have contact with someone who is older and wiser and she's learned patience. She's very good with the elderly,and I'm proud of her. With him, I've seen that old age is a sly and steathly thing that slips up on you without you really knowing it's happening until it's too late to do anything about it but sit there in your chair and let it run its course. With him, I've learned that heredity is alive and well and you'll reap what you've sown in the form of your grandchildren. One took him for long rides, another is shy and quiet, yet another is stoic, and all, including my husband are remarkably good with children.

I know that looking into his face, hearing his soft, time-worn voice, and even hisstoop-shouldered shuffle are like stepping into a time-machine and going into the future fifty years to have a gander at my husband. To look at Joe, his own son and my hubby and his brothers from the back was like looking at the same man, at 20 year intervals, spooky and strangely comforting. Like some cosmic continuity was in place, a greater hand at work, Father Time maybe? I don't know.

However, the most wonderful gift that I have from Joe, is my husband himself, for I know he got his honor, his heart and his patience from the man that used to sit in the chair and play school for hours on end with a bossy little girl. And allow that same bossy little girl to put stickers and glitter on his face. That man, will always be our Joe, and one day, I know he'll be my Bill too. Until then, I'll miss him.




Love ya,

Jenna Leigh

Oh, why the picture? Well, I'd like to think that he's up there with MY pawpaw, and right about now, fishin'. Maybe their wives are fussin at them about it too, as it should be, like it was, when they were all here, as matched sets.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Five Ribbons from Romance Junkies for Spellfire Moons!

I'm so psyched! And,yes, still psycho, it is still Monday, after all.

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HIGH CHAIRS AND HIGH STAKES is a brilliant story. The baby, Aurora, is adorable. While reading this story I could see it playing on a movie screen in my head. I laughed at Aurora’s baby antics. Matthias and Erin are two people made for each other, their love helped them to over come the evil that was threatening their lives and happiness. Shayla--Romance Junkies

To read the rest, click on the banner below.
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Yeehaw!

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Jenna Leigh

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Nanowrimo


No not Nano nano .. but National Novel Writing Month. You see if you can write 50,000 words in the month of November. I'm using it as a motivational tool to write Dateless. Yes, I know I've written on it.. However, I found out it supposed to be BIGGER. No, that's not a bad thing. Giving me a bigger yard to play in is very very good news, so, I'm counting all I have from this day forward and by then, it'll be 50,000 words. Will I win? I dunno, I mean I did write 50K last year, and submitted it. And after edits, and additions, that novel, The Wolf's Heart was accepted by Samhain Publishing (SQUEEE!) However, this year I have edits to do on, that novel and The Wyvern with Champagne Books and The Moon of Tigre with Midnight Showcase etc.. Hmmm, but the real IMPORTANT question is: Will I beat Glamazon, Sgt. Brie and all the rest of my friends? *rubs hands together* Oh, I hope so.. muhahahahahahahhahah!

Signed
Jenna Leigh
aka
Mad Cow Chocy Voodoo

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Spellfire Moons Makes a Joyful Noise on the Review Front



High Chairs and High Stakes takes a fun loving good witch and teams her with a vampire, just awoken from a deep sleep that is still trying to learn about life in this new century. Erin and Matthias burn right off the pages, and when you add cutie Aurora it makes a simply wonderful threesome against the coven. Erin just doesn't take herself seriously, but she does take keeping those she cares about safe very seriously, and shows Matthias that life can have the fun parts too. Matthias, sexy, British and a vampire who has an adorable little girl that he adores --I just can't add to that. And what he does with that voice to earn a living...well you will just have to read the book, but it made me laugh out loud being both perfect and unexpected. I was laughing and cheering for them from the start to the end. Ms. Leigh has given the vampire story a new voice and let the humor come out in it. I already plan on re-reading this story several times.



Oooh, they like me..they really like me!! *grins* Thanks so much Joyfully Reviewed!!


To read what the wonderful and wise, Jo has to say about all the Spellfire Ladies, go here
Joyfully Reviewed



And tomorrow is Friday, too, wow, it can't get any better than this yall!!
Squeee!

Doin the Redneck Rhumbah,

Jenna Leigh

Sunday, October 29, 2006

At Last My Muse Has Come Along

And I jumped on that horsie and rode like there was no tomorrow. Ok, so I mixed a song, and a metaphor and I basically called my muse a jackass. And you wonder why she doesn't visit often despite my offerings of chocolate, coffee and various southern fried foods.

Other authors will say write something no matter what, and I usually do too, but lately, I haven't been able to stay awake long enough to write much more than my name, let along a complete sentence, so I didn't even bother. However, last night, I sat down and well.. IT happened. I'm attributing it to my lovely vacation time spent in New Orleans, hence the picture. *grins*

Sometimes, it's like little people get together in my brain and begin to knit these bits and pieces of stories together into a something that I can turn in, like a craft project to my editor and publisher with a "See? I did it, I made this." I feel like a little kid home from camp, proudly showing something to their mom and dad. That I did have a productive time while away.. I can almost hear the tiny needles clacking together and the wee people talking back and forth as they decide that the heroine will do this so the hero will do that. And if it's a comedy, well, someone will very soon be acting like a complete and utter idiot. I'm rather good at writing one of those sorts of characters, you know, for some odd reason. Hmm, I wonder why?

Sharlene and Cade are FBI agents, but that doesn't rule out a bit of insanity now and then. Oh when the chips are down, don't think they can't and won't kick butt, in fact, if I'm not mistaken, Sharlene can kick it better than both her male counterparts and they know it.

I always try and make my characters real.. most of the time I just make them real mean and crazy, especially the women, but I like to keep them lovably so, I hope I succeed with Sharlene and Cade..

So, here's an excerpt that shows the women of Peony Heights aka The Neighborhood Inquisition and the men who fear..er, love them.

Unedited Excerpt of Dateless in the Dodge

Cade, Patrick, and Doug huddled around the window of the Secret Hideout watching the strange happenings in the yard. "Hmm." Patrick squinted. "I didn't know Merry could kick her leg that high. She's been holdin' out on me, the little dickens."

A small creak heralded the arrival of Frank. "I knew Dana could, which is why I'm coming in the back way. She gets a bit antsy after those workouts."

"Aw, poor Frank." Doug laughed. "Barely a moment's peace."

"Ssh, listen! She's giving them a piece of her mind." Patrick cracked the window.

"Ew!" Sharlene shook her head. "I didn't want him here!"

Who was she talking about? Him, of course.

"But, Shar, he's nice." Allie put her arms around her knees.

Gabby yelled in what seemed to be agreement. Cade smiled at that. At least the baby loved him. Sharlene paced back and forth. Despite her anger, he couldn't help but notice the way her skin glowed from her workout. The sun made her hair shine too. He had it bad. "What we have here is a failure to communicate." She whipped around and paced the other way.

"Is she quoting Cool Hand Luke?" Doug stood and walked to the window.

"Um..."Patrick seemed to be thinking about it. "Yeah."

"I didn't want that man here muckin up my plans. And I have some deep and dark plans the likes of which you have never seen!" She held up one finger.

"What plans?" Neeley's radar went haywire at that.

"I will share these plans with you at the time and place of my choosing." Sharlene put her hands behind her back, her shoulders straight. She looked like the soldier he knew she'd once been.

"When will this be?" Allie ventured to ask.

"When your men folk ain't listening in from the Secret Boy Shack behind me." At that, she whipped her head around and pinned them with a glare.

"Ack!" Patrick screamed.

Gabby's head popped up and she yelled, "Pah!" in a tone that would not be denied.

Doug glared at the offender. "Ah damn, we've been routed by a baby and a blonde FBI agent. This is all your fault, Patrick, you wear too much cologne."

"I do not." But Patrick stomped out of the shed to go down and gather the baby up so they could play with her new pink tool set he'd bought just for her.

Cade frowned. "But, what about Mission Impossible?"

Frank clapped him on the back. "Called on the count of girls."

"Ooh Frank." Dana's dulcet tones rang out across the yard.

"Ha ha! You're busted too." Doug snickered.

"Doug, honey? Did you get the weed eating done yet?"

"You sure you want to get tied down, man?" Doug sighed and walked out of the shed with his shoulders bowed.

May all the chocolate you eat go to your muse's hips..
Jenna Leigh

Monday, October 23, 2006

New Orleans Cont..

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting I got to talk to Sherrilyn Kenyon!! Yayy! I didn't faint, so I went home and ate some of the chocolate that Ange gave me. Only one piece (ok,four, yall shut UP!) She was so sweet, which is what everyone says, but since it's true, I'll repeat it. She was. Not as sweet as that chocy, but damn close. *licks lips* I may have some of it left. I need to hurry up and finish this dang blog. Go AG!!



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting This is the pic of Ange as promised. She pretended to be a rabid fan and asked me to sign her copy of my book amid fake squeals. I felt like a Beatle. I signed it Jennzilla. *grins*


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Karen on the phone on the way from the airport. Nee and I did not cry, I don't care what they say. *sniffles*

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Meme hugging a gator. I hope she didn't contract salmonella.


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Please do not attempt this trick at home. I am a professional Po'boy eater. I have eaten big fat sannies all my life. My jaws unhinge at the back, seriously.








Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting The Freaktastic Four at the Hard Rock Cafe`. We had a great time with the rest of the gang. I have pictures but won't post til they say I can. In other words, I have pictures but will keep them for blackmail purposes.

I will say this: I loved New Orleans, my experience with the LaSalle Hotel was nothing but great. The staff was zany, quirky and fun, yet efficient. Meme and I had all the towels and soap we needed, the TV and AC worked (thank you GOD!) and it was clean and well priced.

Everyone in the city was nice to us, they asked us where yall from. The others gave their answers. When I began mine.. they'd stop me. "Hon, we know where you're from.." *pauses* Do yall think that I have an accent? *snort* The only time we had a problem was at House of Blues. The man said you ain't comin out this way, I don't care who ya are. Meme and I gave our puppy eyes and he glared.. then hooted and told us, he was just playin. Then asked where ya from.. again informing me I needn't answer and then asking me if I knew where Springhill and Shreveport was. I do and he seemed delighted.

We even *gasps* went out at night for the Haunted History Tour. Our guide was fun. He told us at no time would a person jump out at us in a mask with a knife as part of a tour. If this happened it was called a mugging and to see him on tips on running and/or screaming and running. This didn't happen of course. I did have to walk with the slightly drunken weenies you see with me below out side of Jean Lafitte's.
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My camera was acting up, so here is the only pic that looks half decent from the tour.

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I met people that I've known for years, I made new friends, renewed old acquaintances and yes, had a wonderful time. Now, I have go back to work tomorrow. Will I be the same old person? Maybe, but I'll be sure and say that the streets weren't littered with the bodies of the dead. I didn't see any gators, foxes or even rats, I did a dead possum on the side of the road once I got about a mile from MY house. The people didn't steal me blind, they aren't surly, or grumpy or any of that sort of thing.

New Orleans is still struggling in some spots, but what I saw was beautiful and old and mysterious and just plain awe inspiring. I loved it, and I'll go back again at the earliest opportunity I get. I hope you'll give it a try too. We that would be four women and sometimes only two, walked that city in the dark.. we're safe if not sane.

So, don't listen to the rumors, go and see for yourself. Be smart as you would in any large city. I did go into the red light district and ew, not my cup of tea, but I still didn't get mugged or anything. In fact the only person who was spoken to in even a mildly harsh tone was Meme and that was on the phone by *coughs* my mama *coughs* when she answered my cell. LOL!!!

What did you learn in this blog? New Orleans is nominally safe (now that I'm gone) it's still fun, and KCon and Sherri were wonderful. Oh and don't mess with a redneck mama's chick cause she'll unpack the good knives and come after your butt in a hot second. Meme thinks she was evil, heck, that was her nice voice. I do get it honest.

Love
Jenn
Maker of the best sweet tea ever *winks*

PS: Thanks to Ange for the Godiva Chocy and her enactment of Jenn-fandom (((HUGS)))
Karen.. I have the card.. I shall be using it soon.. very soon. Starbucks will know me and despair!
Meems.. F**K Phil!
Nee the bridge didn't kill us it only made us smoke more
Mary.. so wonderful to meet you, finally!
Sollipop.. you shall pay for the chair.. and your evil hubby too
Mels! I finally got to meet you too! Redneckit up!
Nipps.. I've decided the bandages were but a ploy to cover up your hairy Hobbit feet
Mo.. thanks for the bag!
Tiff C is for Coookiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!
Jacs, Tink, Cy, Mama Lo and all the rest I know I'll forget, Whooooooohooo!
To Lauren who was freakin cool enough to let me smoke with her! *lights one up*
Oh and the Crazy Train riverdancing girl whose name I can't spell, you so frickin rocked!
I hope to see you all again real soon.
The good times rolled.. and rocked too.

PPS: I just got an email sayin that I can start edits on The Tail of the Wyvern! Yeah baby! *sighs* I don't even care that Tuesday is Monday yall.. *grins*


WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOO!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

New Orleans: I went.. I saw.. I walked all over the dang place


We the members of the Kenyon Cult..

And yall, I mean that in the best possible way I can say it. I've been a fan of Sherrilyn Kenyon since I picked up Fantasy Lover and opened the page and saw the pencil sketch of Julian's man chest. I sighed over the color of the cover itself (red) I drooled over the premise (paranormal) I hooted over the snarkfest the females had with each other within the opening paragraph. Plus, it happened in N'Awlins. Whoohoo!

That was the beginning of my love of all things Dark Hunter. Even though Julian wasn't an actual DH, hellooooo NURSE he's hot! and he's still one of my all time faves. I flipped over to the back of that book, saw her website and well, the rest is if not history then some serious chaos and disorder, and while my work on a certain fanfic loop is done, I'll never be free of my addiction.

Where's this lurve-fest all going you ask? Well, I'm getting there. This is a two part blog to show both my love and affection for a wonderful author and person and my love and affection for a wonderful city.

Day 1: I get on a bus with my hubby and daughter both about to step on their lips as they wave me off so I can meet the Neegnome aka Sgt Brie in Jackson Miss for our overnight stay before we head on into New Orleans the next morning to meet with some of the Kenyonites at Commander's Palace for lunch. I bought a small cd player and some used cd's at the last minute to make the trip go faster as I couldn't make my MP3 thingit work (read that Mozilla couldn't do it *pffth!*) As I listen to the Desperate Housewifes one, which is pretty good if I skip those talking bits, the lady I am sharing a seat with keeps scooching me over, therefore, I switch cd's to... Eric Clapton's greatest hits. As I cue up I Shot the Sheriff, I feel all empowered to push her back over to her side. I shall NOT give up my side of the seat to some ill-tempered woman that has a titch more 'back' than me. Nay, nay, thrice nay (nobody died on the bus trip)

Nee calls "Where the hell are you?"

Me: "I'm on da bus" the unspoken, 'with a seat hawg' must come through loud and clear because she snickers and tells me to call her when I'm almost there.. I do and she's waiting for me at the stop. I call hubby and daughter and they sniffle. Aww (ahahahahha! I'm free wweeeee!)

We fly to the hotel room like ninnies, yak and then snore for the rest of the night. Nee sets the alarm and asks for a wake up call being so prepared and some junk. *blink blink blink*

Day 2: The alarm goes off, she kills it.. the phone rings, she kills that too. But me, being this wonderful morning person *cringes at the lightening* gets up and takes her shower and gets ready. Nee glares at me from her hole in the covers under which she has burrowed. "What are you doing?" She growls. I fear she is a coffeevamp. She has this hiss that sounds quite like a perculator. Hmmhmm.

As the sweet one of the group for once in my life, I state that I am ready and waiting for her to do the same. She growls and bounds from the bed and shuffles in the bathroom with one eye open glaring at the sorry excuse for the coffeepot that refuses to emit anything but brownish water. However, we persevere, get ready and go downstairs for some slightly stronger blackish water which I, according to her corrupt by putting in milk and sugar (oh the horror and the humanity I have sinned!)

But like a slightly more feminine version of Willie and Weylon we are On the Road Again.. and damn does this woman fly like a bat outta hell! Oh, but I've failed to mention.. we don't like bridges. Yeah, and we've got to go over Lake Pontchartrain. *squeal!* We're chattering like monkeys and she suddenly notices all the water. "Are we on a bridge?" Her eyes go wide and her mouth gets tight.

I show my ignorance and have to look around for a minute or so, "I ur.. I think so."

"Augh!"

There is the sound of Bic's being flicked, it's like a rock concert in that car. Inhales.. then I try to rationalize. "Well, tis really a raised road. I can jump out if I gotta."

Sgt Brie gives me the eye. "Shet up." *puff puff puff* And on it goes for about 6 million miles until I decide to call Meme, who had just gotten off the plane. Well, what the heck pops up in front of our eyes but the dang airport exit. Nee says, heck, we'll go get em, cause it's both her and Karen as well as Ange.

"OMG We're in Kenner, ain't this where that Booby Spear's is from, Nee? Nee?"

"I'm driving, doon't talk ta mee." (Uh oh.. I hear the cheese in der.. *zips lip*)The road to hell ain't paved with good intentions.. it's paved with the(moderately hawt) bodies of middleaged housewives who don't like driving or riding in big assed cities!! AAACCK!!

All for these two (I don't got a pick of Ange yet but I will *hee hee heeee!* ) we went into TERMINAL HELLGATE

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I don't drive *pauses to get on her knees and thank God for this fact* Nee does.. *pauses to thank Him again* But we talk to Karen and/or Meme about 12 times in 20 minutes while driving to the airport.. "We're comin." "Weeeeeee're heeerree wooohooo yeah HELL YEAH HOT DAYAM! I SEE ANGE I SEE MEME OMG KAREN HAS ON SHOES THAT ARE 25 STORIES TALL!I gotta pee. My ass hurts. The bastards broke my suitcase, DEATH AND DISMEMBERMENT!" and stuff to that effect have been bandied back and forth. Nee and I are mainlining nicotine and caffeine as we are slowed to a crawl at the entrance to the terminal.

"Nee, I want my mommy."

"Me too. Call her and tell her to come get us, right now."

Karen: "I can hear you two! Shut up and pick us up at gate 5, you big babies!"

Jenn/Nee: "AAAAAAACK!"

Meme: "What are they doing?"

Karen: "Smoking and whining"

Meme: "Perhaps they need some liquor?"

Karen: "No, but I do!"

(snorts) So, I get out and almost break my fool neck as I have on heels over an inch tall (pah!) I find them or more correctly, they find me. We get back to the van where Nee has rearranged things so all luggage can be shoved into the minivan (ha!) Karen slithers into the back jumpseat in a shortish skirt and high heels without showing her arse. I was most impressed. We drop Meme off at the hotel, park Nee's car and all grab a cab (poor Tink got put on a huge Tupperware thingit) and go to Commander's Palace to eat.. FINALLY.

All of us sit I'm usin aliases to protect the innocent.. not for me, as there ain't one big and bad enough to make me innocent bwahahaha! Nipps, Jacs, Tink, Karen, Mo, Nee, Me, Cy, Ange, Er.. Rose (Hell, if I forget someone, I'm sorry! I was hungry and Nee'd scared beejezus outta me!) .. Ange has arranged this by the way (thank goodness) Who do we see when we sit down? Bill Cosby.. All of them whip out their phones and take his picture. I look at him and think Picture Pages and Pudding.. jeez, I'm old and a pig LOL! Nipps says, Dep and Shawn are coming. However, as always at first, I can't understand crap all she says. It gets better as the next little bit of time passes. I go .. Okies. The waiter asks us if we're sisters. *blinks* Ok.. perhaps Karen, Tink, Nipps and myself and maybe Mo. We all have dark hair and eyes and medium skin. However, Jacs is of an obviously different heritage (I'm not sure what, but she's pretty and looks really kewl) the others ranged from blonde to strawberrry blondes and really white skin. I went yeah but Sisters of What is the question dear.. The Kenyon Cult.. and I made a scary hand sign. Kinda got hard to be waited on after that. *snicker*

Suddenly.. Deb and Shawn come in.. I see a lady about my age and a guy come in. Two chairs are left, one by me and the other down at the other end. They are married. I start to get up and move, but the Deb person waves me down sayin she sits by him all the time, she'll sit by me today. Nipps intro's them as Deb and Shawn in her pretty accent. She sits down holds out her hand calls herself Deb and I said I'm Jenn and she hollers and I look puzzled.. she says.. I'm Sol.. it dawns on me who the damn hell she is!.. Oh and Shawn's really cool, wish hubby could have met him.

Have you finally figured out we're all nutters and we've been released from the booby hatch on New Orleans yet? It hasn't? Well, it damn well should have by now! We had a wonderful time!

We ate like pigs at Commander's Palace off our own plates each other's plates bowls... sang.. yelled hooted.. the cabdriver stalked Tink's cell.. dear Lord! I met Sherri! Omg!!!!! *pant pant* Hubby is most jealous. He's her biggest fan (in height more thank likely) All of them were sweet, I the LOS and DH loopers in person for the first time.. And I had a blast. I loved it.. even the damn Chair Incident.. you will all bloody well pay.

Loved it.

I'll post more tomorrow.

Tired as hell, but smilin

Jenn

PS: I came home and I made MY sweet tea (my only complaint)

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Going to N'Awlins..


Yeah!! The Home of the House of the Risin Sun.. the Birthplace of Jazz (some say) Where you can get down, get ill, get a tattoo, go see a stripshow on one street, go to a beautiful church on the next. Yes.. New Orleans is still struggling, but I'm sure I'll be able to see its former glory shining through.

What I'm really going to see is friends I've never met in person, and I'm soo soo lookin forward to it! And if you must know, that's what I feel the city is all about. Many feel that it's crime ridden and all that, but I'm pretty sure the people are friendly as ever.. for the most part. You only hear the bad things, as that sort of thing is newsworthy.

It really doesn't matter, because the group I'll be with includes:
The Redneckuberbitch(me) who will nag them to death.
Cheesecutterbitch (Nee) who I'm sure has some mad covert needle sticking skills left over from the military.
The Glamourpuss (haaa! Karen'll kill me for that!) who'll cut you with her high heels
TheMysticalwitchbitch(Meems) who will Meme them within an inch of their lives, then whack them with her murse of doom.

I will state for the record that Kitta.. aka AssassanistaBitch will be there in spirit cheering us on. In case of an emergency, I can channel her and cut someone off at the knees *coughs* with my fingernails.

You think we're scared? Well, think again, but we are savvy enough to stay out of situations that would get us into danger in the first place. Of course, there are others that are going as well, and they ain't so nice either.. Mmmm.. Cookie Galore hides a mean streak, this I know and The Stellar one would probably whack them a time or two as well... or should I say SHELLack them? Yes.. ok, I'm off to get ready, perhaps I'll even shave my legs so I won't shock the Cheesehead with my hirsuteness, *sigh*

Yall have a good one, I'm off to see Sherrilyn Kenyon!!! and you know.. perhaps consume a few million calories worth of junk food. Ooh and there is a Starbucks in Glamazon's hotel. Yes, I shall visit her daily.

Wish Us Luck.. I have a feeling we're gonna need it..


Les Le Bon Temp Roule' (I think that's how ya spell it)

Jenna Leigh

PS: And today is my birthday.. it couldn't get any better than this.. WHOOHOO!! *shakin the birthday ass*

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

It rained on Monday.. big surprise..oh, and so was this.. ew!


We all know that Monday's suck, big time, so rain only makes it more sucky. I won't fuss too much, as we needed some of the wet stuff. My daughter who is still a new driver drove home in it, slowly and carefully, which made me very proud. I was cooking chili and pralines *winces as she hears the sound of a far off Sgt Brie scream of joy* Dang! Yes, I can multi-task, I'm a woman.

As I do these two things, I'm looking out the window for her car, once I see it, I go and hold the door open so she can run in, she waves for me to come out, I give her the patented 'EFO it's raining, ain't happening' stare. She sees, my stare with and raises it with an eye roll, and gets out of her car, puts her purse on her shoulder and then.. does something very odd.. *blinks*

She goes and gets a baby carrier out of her back seat. (screams in horror) What the crap?!? I stand on the top step to block her way into the house. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

She plants her fist on her hip and snarls, "Look, Granma Gandalf, back up and let me through. I'm gettin wet and this is for a grade." and shoves me out of the way.

I sputter, "But..but..but.. that thing, is it real? Eww.. it's a baby! Get it out of here! The cat will kill it you know."

The EFO is already at the door staring at it with his tail fluffed out three times its normal size. (Like the Grinch's heart, but it does NOT mean the same thing at ALL!) He sniffs and meows in his tiny voice. It behooves me to point out that EFO is like a certain prizefighter in that he sounds small, but fights and is large.. he bites too. I won't name this fighter because I don't like people that bite off other's ears but he don't endorse grills, yall. However, no matter how tinny his mew, he is evil which he proves within 10 seconds of her sitting this electronic demonic baby(henceforth called EDB) down by swatting it with his paw. If it smells like hell and looks like a demon, it IS demon in his book and he will not tolerate competition for his spot as top demon.. er.. well, anyways.

The Teen Queen shoos him away and flops down on the couch for her half hour veg session during which time she watches the most heinously stupid shows that MTV and/or VH1 can shovel out. At precisely 5p.m the EDB lets out a high tinny wail that I'm sure has been calibrated to travel up and down my spine at the speed of the freak. ACK! Plus, it never closes its eyes! At ALL! Ew..

I would also like it known it has not even been blessed by my lazy assed genes so that it sleeps all the damn time. How dare these teachers give us some alien yankee baby that never sleeps and eats 2 oz of non-existent formula at a time? I tell you what, my daughter drank a whole bottle at 2 weeks and slept the night through. Jeez! Ok, she was 5'8" tall by the age of 12, but what's your point? And it is wearing this pink hoodie that makes it look like nothing so much as those kids in that movie The Brood. EW!!

But, get this, she can't dump it off on me, cause she has to wear this special bracelet that has a microchip in it that matches the one on the EDB.. and it records everything that happens! OMG! It's little sister, and it's watching her! Wow!

This whole thing was for parenting class by the way, which is a good for one thing.. If you don't wanna take care of the cryin lil twits, THEN YOU BETTER USE PROTECTION!!

Her grandfather teased her by saying, you be careful with my great-grandbaby on the way to school now! *snort*


It still looked creepy though.. ick! Just in time for Halloween.. Chuck Lives and he had freak nasty babies to send out to unsuspecting peoples' homes. They wait until you go to sleep then they come in your room and.. *urk*


Jenna Leigh
Who is terrified of dolls, but that stud holding the baby up there makes me feel LOTS better *grins*

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Blogging for Friday 13th Queen is playing too.. wow..

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More on the picture at the bottom. *grins*
I've had a rough week. I've felt sort of icky all this month. Tired, run down. My neck aches. I just feel so .. blech.


So, Friday 13th rolls around. The big bad day. Oh what the flip ever! I'm so not into that woo woo bad luck thing.

This morning on the way to work I tell hubby. Sh sh sh sh ha ha ha ha kill kill kill.. Happy Anniversary Honey. *grins* This is the day of the month we got married on, you see. He grins and says it back, without the cheesy Jason Musack, though, as he's driving and you know, can't have the music going and like.. SEE TO DRIVE!! *rolls eyes* Don't frickin' ask, yall. I don't want to open that can of hubby is a goober redneck freako worms. *sighs* Suffice to say, my daughter and I are not happy to ride with him, thank the bitch goddesses of the DMV that she has her lil piece of plastic that says SHE can frickin drive now. YAYYYY!!

Ooohkay, where the crap was I? oooh! Yeah! Friday the 13th. big old badass day. Right? Mmmhmm. Right.

I come home, early cause, well, hell, yesterday I had to stay all day by myself, I may add. From 7 to 5, I was alone, deprived of a lunch and breaks. *wails, gnashes teeth, whines and flails around upon the shores of despair* What? Oh shut up. So, today I ask my boss, the Big T-bone.

"Might I since, I was all by myself go home today?"

Before I get it all out he says "YES, GO JUST GIT GONE!!!"

*blink* You'd think they wish me to leave the pit of despair with all haste, wouldn't you? Well..just.. FINE! I know when I'm not wanted. I tell fellow evil co-worker that I am gone.. she gives me the snarl of snarkitude and I give it back. We are sisters of slavery, we know we are peons meant for the meat market. We know they will grind us down into numb little nubs of nothingness, they will use us up until there is nothing left and toss us aside. *sniffles*

So.. by golly, I ran out of that place and hubby and I went to..

The damn Hellmouth!

I had to get a new fan, my other one quit. Paid a dollar for it since the so-called fan season is over, to make way for Deer season. As if it's cold down here, pah! You know I think am fast approaching a milestone in my life. It is one I look forward to with all the glee of a child that hears the sound of the icecream truck's jingling tune. Yes, I've begun to experience what some call hot flashes, but what I like to call.. POWER SURGES.. oooh The Menopause is upon me, I believe. Some think of it as the end of womanhood. Oh bull! Honey, the day I can stop staking out the feminine product aisle is the day I shall celebrate.

I'm gonna build a big old bonfire in the front yard and guess what I'm gonna use as kindling. You guessed it! Them wings is gonna burn baby burn!

Anyhoo, I've been having a small medical prob, tired and icky. But I've found out about it and hopefully got it fixed. Yahoo for my doctor!! Hail to the man! He's wonderful!

So, this week has been bad for the writer in me. I've written a little on Dateless, but that is it. I've read over some of my other stuff, edited it, shored it up, polished it. But nothing, because I've hurt so bad and been so tired. Today I came home after the trip to Hell.. mouth and went to bed.. Then JMorgan *grins* tells me Whoohooo My book is OUT!!! Hoorah for JMORGAN AND CHARISSA!!!!

You can see their new releases at:

Triskelion

The Michelangelo Blues by JMorgan is a romantic suspense with some sarcastic comedy. The heroine is funny, and sassy, the hero is quirky, hot and sexy as hell. Reminds me of my hubby. *drool*

The Viper Queen by Charissa is a historical with a kickass heroine and a seriously hot broody hero, trust me, Charissa specializes in the big bad batman. She is the best at those. Dayam!

So, if you read my blog. And if you do, I ask why. The answer is probably so you can look at yourself and say.. Look, I'm not as crazy as Jenn is, so ha, I'm all good! Well, la dee da for YOU! But if you do read it and you're wondering why I have Chao aka Aaron Kwok up there at the top beside the drool factor that I have for him, well. He's sort of the inspiration for the character for my story The Wolf's Heart. Marcus Bei is a wonderfully wacky and wickedly hot werewolf who lusts after the sinfully sassy, sexy Elaine Westabrook. Alliteration much? What the hell do you expect at 3 a.m? Why am I mentioning them you ask?

Oh well, *shrugs* Samhain Publishing offered me a contract on them is all. It was waiting in my inbox as I lay on my lazy ass watching Man of the House for the third time. (killing brain cells!jaysus!) On Friday the 13th no, less. Yeah.. that's um.. all..


Yall have a nice night..
Well. Morning..

Jenna Leigh.


PS.. oh um..

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! OMG!! WHOOHOO!!!

Oh yeah, I'm freakin out. May never sleep again.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Why Do Fools Fall In Love?


You may as well ask why birds sing...

I write romance.. or I try to.. and I like to make my romances funny too.. so... I should know what love is right? Riiiiiigghhtt..

Singers sing about it, writers write about it, painters will paint pictures of it and save themselves a thousand words or more.

It's not a chemical reaction, like Tina Turner sang in the 80's fresh from her divorce from the wicked wacky Ike. He needed killin in my book, but that's just the redneck talkin, honest.

Love is a mystical, magical, maniacal sort of thing that just happens. Sometimes it goes BOOM! And hits you like the proverbial ton of bricks when you least expect it , and more than likely least need it to do so, and with the least likely person. That kind, while it burns hot, sometimes also burns out really fast too. Sorry, to say it, but this is true.

But often Love is a stealthy sly creature. Like the ninja it slips into your heart, and sits there quietly waiting for you to notice that hey, this person you've known all your life, or at least a year or two is THE ONE.

There won't be any cheesy harp music like in the movies, unless you have some sort of mental disorder. Oh but, if you do, more power to you. I'd be ok with an illness that played instrumental music when I met the the love of my life. All I felt was a mild queasiness that signaled that I may have probably in all likelihood in the worst case scenario met the man of my dreams. Dither much, libra girl? Sheah!

Then again, love changes.. almost like a living breathing thing, it grows into something else as time passes. Friendship can grow into a passionate love affair and visa versa. It can kill you, driving you crazy, make you weep, laugh, drink, thirst, hunger. It can consume someone's thoughts to the exclusion of all else. Make a strong man weak.. a weak man strong..just ask the Grinch.

But what is it? Why do human's feel it? Do animals feel it? Some believe their pets do.. I'm not so sure my cat loves me, but I'm sure he would miss the food I put in his dish. Dogs though, yeah, they have the I love you eyes thing down pat. Nobody can make those eyes like a dog..

Cynics will tell you it's just something to sell novels and cards on Valentine's Day. But a true romantic will tell you that Love is what makes the world go around, not the sun's gravitational pull or whatever the hell. I hope that if you haven't found THE ONE that you will.. I've heard that beer helps a lot.



Love is a many splintered thing *winks*

Jenn

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Bras, Books and A Starbucks, Hallelujah!

When last we left our intrepid southern mean girl, she was dreading her upcoming trip to the Hellmouth, knowing it would entail spending her hardearned paycheck upon necessary yet perishable goods on which her family would gorge themselves. *oink oink oink* However, this day was made slightly better than most by the fact that she got not 1 but 3 books from ze Book Nazi without Mortal Combat with said nazi as she was off in the bowels of her dark and forbidden cave in ze back *coughs* Sorry, the accent slips in you know. *grins* Master of Swords, Kick A$$ and Book of Spirits fell into her hot lil hands with no trouble at all with the added bennie of a large iced mocha for energy.

Woohoo!!

So, she hiked through the wilds of the Hellmouth on a caffeine high while avoiding the horrid evil people that liked to get in her way for no reason other than to piss her off. She didn't even have the armor of scrubs to make them afraid of her, instead she was dressed in a pair of cute navy capri sweats and bright red top. Mmph! How dare they use her fashionable looks against her. Well, she'd just run their asses over! Ahaa!! Note to Glamazon: You were right, shopping cart-a-cide does give you a nice glow.

Then, as she and sainted hubby were about to rush home to pick up Mozilla from McHell a ring on the Bitchphone alerted them to the fact that they weren't to get her until 5pm. Therefore, there was time to get the all important bra.. (shet it) So, Jenn.. being without the mother who loves to flash her goods to the world, decides to run to the store and get one. OOooooooh eeww eeek. She did so, with great haste and no little cursing of stupid pregant women whom are apparently off limits to ass kicking despite the fact that they want the cashier to ring up items one at a time even if there are 22 people behind her fat, pregnant tight pants wearing self! You know who you are woman, Karma is after you.. I have my contacts and they are on their way!

Anyway, hubby hopped around in this line like a lil boy having to go pee pee and he whined about it, but there aren't many options for the bazoomably endowed, so he had to deal. Yes, yall, I bribed him, stating I'd buy him food. Gah! However, as neither of us will agree on what foods shall be eaten, the mall was decided on as the food court offers a variety in one convenient spot. And lo... there is something new at the Mall...



***

Ahem.. do the dreamie fade thing please *wavy wavy woo woo*

Jenn hikes up the metaphorical mountain grown every morning and asks a very important question "Oh Dearest Java Goddess when shall I be blesssed with good coffee? Why must I be deprived of it? All of the other girls have it." She sniffs and lays coffee beans on her coffee altar before she turns sadly away.


The Java Goddess looks down at her sad little alcolyte as she shuffles off with her inferior cuppa and knows it is time.

"By the Blessed Beans this brave child has lived long enough without the good stuff.. ..

THUNDER BOLTS AND LIGHTENING..

GIVE JENNZILLA HER WISH!!"



Lo.. What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east.. and Starbucks is the one.. eh, I'm not gonna butcher the classics to let you know how happy I was when we pulled into the mall and saw the familiar little circle outside the food court.

I yelled.. "HUBBY!!" and pointed. He sighed, no doubt envisioning many trips to the mall that he'd not had to make because I hate the place. Oh hubby, the force is strong within you... Jethro the Redneck Jedi you are.

You must understand that I've lived in a culturally deprived outpost of humanity having to content myself with those little bottled Starbuck thingits that are frankly, nasty as hell. Sorry, Java Goddess.. ew.

So, I start to go to my food place and stop, only to be bumped into by my hubby who for once in his miserable life wants what I want if only because he don't want to stand in line. We get Chick Fil-a and I go to the *sigh* Starbucks. I get an Iced Mocha (my second if you're counting) It is divine. I shouldn't be surprised for the Java Goddess had chosen to bless me, as she loves me.


Today has been good. The booby fairy smiled on me and gave me two bras that fit. The Book Nazi was out so I got three books that I wanted. And lo and behold the Starbucks has gone redneckin!! Life couldn't get any better than this. I may never blink again, though. Caffeine is good!


Jenna Leigh
Java Ho
Third Coffee Pot from the Sun

Friday, October 06, 2006

Mozilla is Mobile

That's right, she passed her driving test with flying colors. Hubby was most cast down. I think he was hoping she'd fail so that this milestone wouldn't pass quite so readily. Instead she squealed out of the metaphorical driveway so fast she left tiremarks. One more bridge crossed on the route to the the empty nest syndrome that shall hit him very hard, I fear.

Anyway, we go to the DMV.. *insert the evil music here* This could be an awful experience, but it isn't, simply because I know someone that works here, and she's very sweet. That's right a nice person works at the DMV ladies and gentlemen! I also have to get my ID renewed and while I'm doing that with the nice person, the evil man is doing my child's lisence. My hubby is not my child's biological father and therefore can't do her stuff for her. I'm in the next booth doing my thing, and so, nice lady hands my old id over the side and says he'll have to wait which is fun. *grins*

Now I have a new id, on which I am grinning like a loon. Ffth.

However, daughter PASSED! She aced her test! hoohoo!! Go Mozilla! You rock! Now you can be drivin' Ms Crazy aka your mama.

Now back to your regularly scheduled insanity in which I attempt to write something that resembles a story. Oh, and erm.. I'm going to NOLA in about two weeks.. Yall better watch out!!

Jenna Leigh

Friday, September 29, 2006

Bite Me--My Vamp Addiction

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You could say I have a form of vampirism, if only literary. And ony if they looked like him..

As a child, I was terrified of vampires, beginning at the tender age of five when I stayed up late and watched Nosferatu on Scifi Theater on my 12 inch black and white. The sight of that thing crawling up the bricks and into the window to bite the neck of the lovely maiden had me huddling under the covers for over a year.

Just about the time I got over that and could sleep with my neck uncovered at night, along came a mini-series called Salem's Lot. Oh, Stephen, thou art the King of plumbing the depths of my psyche. This time the fanged ones were on a bigger screen and in technicolor. That tall green guy was the stuff of a 6 year old's nightmares. I put crosses on my neck.. I don't mean crosses as in a necklace, oh no, you people know me better than that by now. I drew them in magic marker on my neck. When I bathed them off, I drew them again. Thank God it was summer. I still won't watch it now. Though, I will admit, the parts I have seen are no longer as frightening as they once were, the little kid pecking at the window and the dude in the rocking chair with the glowing eyes still give me a big case of the heebs.

Score three for the King.. (1) no open curtains at night (2) no creepy strangers in my house after dark who can't enter without my invite (3) No corn (wait, that's another blog, sorry)

For six years I was terrified of vampires. Then three things happened almost at once.. Two movies Fright Night. (erm. wow) That man was seriously hot and I thought the words in my title for the first, but not the last time. You got it. "Oh yeah baby, bite Me." *sighs*

The other movie? Well, um, I'll admit to having a big old soft spot in my heart for Love at First Bite. George Hamilton may have had to wear clown white pancake makeup, but who cares? The drunkenly uttered line, "Renfield! They thought I vas a black chicken. *hic!*" will forever be next to the final nail in the coffin of my fear of vampires. (pun intended)

What was the death knell of my fear of the undead? Well, one day while I was in spending rainy recess in the library, I noticed a book on the shelf in my highschool library. While jr high kids weren't supposed to be able to check some books out, I was allowed as (a) I was special and (b) I was the librarian's pet. If you check out 10 books a week, this is sort of thing tends to happen *coughs* especially if you bring them all back again. The book was Interview With the Vampire. This opened a whole new world to me, a former fang-o-phobe.

The rest is history.. or

His and Her-story.

From Anne I progressed to..

Laurell K Hamilton-Anita Blake and Jean Claude
Jim Butcher-Dresden Files
Sherry Kenyon-Dark Hunters
MaryJanice Davison-Betsy the Shoe Vamp
Angela Knight-Mageverse and any other vamp she'll write for me (slurp)
Kim Harrison-I love her play on the Clint Eastwood movie titles!!
Charlaine Harris-The Dead as Series
Katie MacAlister-one funny lady

In other words, I'm addicted to fangs.. I love a story with bite. Gimme a good book with a dark broody hero who has a sharp smile, a taste for the red stuff, and an aversion to sunlight, and you've got a fan forever, literally. If you can add a sarcastic wit, some big action scenes and a few twists and turns in there, hey, you've got the makings of a hit television series. If you don't belive me, ask the Buffites who I didn't include because unlike most, I'm not a fan. Please don't stake me.. I liked the original movie better. But Spike would have made a way cool Harry Dresden for Jim Butcher's book to TV series.

So, now you know how one scared little girl made her way to the vampire romance aisle in the bookstore. It's a long and sorted story filled with pain, angst and yes, b-movies. I feel that it was a growing experience, and if it helps one fang-o-phobe come to terms with their fears then I know that I will not have blogged in vein. *winks*

Is that a stake in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Jenna Leigh

Thursday, September 28, 2006

I'm having a signing and a reading on Saturday!!

*Takes a deep breath* If you're in the area, stop by and pay us a visit!

Windows a Bookshop
609 Park Avenue
Monroe LA 71201
(318) 361-9004

Please join us for

Local Authors Day
Saturday Afternoon
September 30, 2006
2:00-4:00
Each author will speak or
read for five minutes; a
book signing will follow.




Sunday, September 24, 2006

Hmm, Quizilla has Spoken


What Kind of a Writer Are You?





You're a plotter, someone who carefully crafts an intriguing plot to keep the reader hooked from one scene to the next. You thrive on knowing exactly where your story is going, and what's going to happen along the way. Although you might veer off your original plan for the story, mostly you stick to your carefully planned outline. You're a born storyteller who enjoys sharing your stories with others.
Take this quiz!








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Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code



Somehow, I don't see it. Unless you count the characters haunting me day after day in my head as plotting. I do go over scenes over and over again until finally, I put them down.

I guess I'm a plot by the seat of my pants type of writer.


Tomorrow is Monday by the way..
Yeah, I know..ew

Jenna

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Drivin Ms Crazy to the Store.

I'm Ms Crazy and she's Mrs. Crazy..

Ok, so we're a matched set. So what?

Let me let you in on a little secret. I despise shopping for real clothes. I work in a place where I get to wear what amounts to jammies. And, while modern scrubs come in cute colors and prints for girls these days, they are still basically the same cut. Yes, that's right, scrubs are pillowcases with arm, leg and head holes. And no, I'm not talkin sheets, GAH!

Well, I have a function that I have to go to where I have to look 'smart' fashionable, and cute. That would be my book signing on the 30th of this month. If I'm going to bomb, I want to look fashionable while doing so.. Not scrub wearing, grubby, like when I go grocery shopping. I'll wear them then, I so don't care. People don't mess with a scrub wearer at the Hell mouth. They know you've been at work all day and are probably at the end of your tether. (more on that at the end)

Mommy and she's mommy when she has to pick out your clothes, not mother, mama or mom...it's MOMMY! I've regressed to being a two-year old. I don't even CARE!--says, sure, sweetie, we shall shop til we drop, and she gets this.. GLEAM in her eye that I can see over the phone.. I can hear it.. it makes a strange sound.. like this MUUUUAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Factor into it that I'm a big girl.. especially in a certain region of my anatomy.. (They're boobs Ed) and you've got a hissy fit waiting to happen in the racks of a regular store. However, Mommy knows of a store that has mondo kewl clothes as she sees them upon the grand teetons of her co-worker every single day. My mother is observant of the important things, you know. *coughs*

She zooms up in her truck (yes, she's a redneck too!) and kidnaps me and takes me to the store, nice place, reasonably priced and hey, they have a bunch of clothes for women with bazooms.


*Small aside, her hubby calls and says, "Hey, you know what I forgot?" She says, out of the blue.. "The bb gun?" OMG! what in the hell? They're crazy!*

So, I'm in the little cramped hole of a dressing room and she's standing right outside going..

M= Mommy
J= Me

M: Well? *pulling the curtain*

J: Don't open that! I'm nekkid! *jerks the curtain back closed*

M: There's only women here! Chill out!

J: I don't care! Back off! OMG! This shirt looks like something Dolly wore in Best Lil Whorehouse in Texas!

M: It does not.. *snatches the curtain open* finally, she triumphs.. EW!! It does, what the hell? Where did you get those? *points at those in question* I mean, I don't have them!

I'd like to say..as if I've contracted them, like booby VD or something, Jeez! Yes, mother, I caught them in the gym locker room, cause I didn't wear flipflops.. fffth! However, as I'd like to live without the humiliation of having a buttwhippin at the age of thirty *muttermuttermutter* I only say out loud..

J: Harumph! *snatches the curtain back closed* Then I whine cause I have a cute pair of dressy capris with the cuffs, however ,they have that damn freaky button on the inside which I hate, because.. you guessed it, I can't see over the bazooms. *sighs*

M: *taps foot* What are you doing in there? *snatches the curtain open again* Just leave that one undone! I do! You can't see over your bewwbeees! (she sings it, you know)

Then, thank God, she runs off into the store and finds a pair of pants for herself, which show her tiny, nonexistent arse off to full advantage. Yes, that's right Mommy is skinny.. tiny.. petite even!! I'd hate her but she's wonderful.. and she almost got into a fight with two large women who were mocking her when she exclaimed over a pair of pants that she said were, "Gorgeous!"

Ok, she almost got ME into a fight with them. I was innocently cursing buttons in the dressing room. I'd have gotten her back too. I had hangers and I wasn't afraid of using them.

So, I have three, yes, three new outfits.. a pair of dressy capris, denim capris, cute jeans, three tops .. and oh damn.. I forgot shoes..

Close your eyes, Karen.. I'm about to utter the P-word.

I'm bloody well going to Payless, surely they have something that will suit my cheap and tawdry needs. LOL!! Poor Karen, she's been traumatized. Ah well.. She'll like my cute denim capris when she sees them in NOLA next month (yipeee!!), I'm calling em that, not gauchos, DAMMIT!

As to the Hellmouth..

Hubby went to his favorite eatery. He took his food into the store and plunked it down into the cart and hid it under my purse.. *growls* I forgot it was there and walked to health and beauty to get the shampoo, tooth paste etc.

As I did so, I received strange looks and thought, well crap, they can smell these stupid chicken strips.. ew! However, I turn around suddenly and there is this HUGE glowering man behind me.. salivating.

"Why for you take off with my food?" He growls in his deep scary voice. People scatter in the face of Billzilla. He proceeds to treat the trip to the Hellmouth as a picnic. He pushes the buggy up and down the aisles, stuffing his face and throwing things into the buggy while I sip my iced mocha and yes, chill.

I think I'll just give him food on every trip. Sort of like that donkey and carrot trick to make him pull the cart. People moved out of our way because if they got too close, he either glared, or growled. The hubby only gets that way if you come too close to his plate.

In the immortal words of the smartest man on Friends. "Joey don't share food."




Jenna Leigh
Capris, I mean it!

PS: Karen.. PAYLESSSSSS!!!!!


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