Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Do you hear what I hear?

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Wayyyyyy!!!!!! Q's the Ho, she just don't know, I'm gonna make her payyyyy!!

Ok, I won't, but I mean, it rhymed. Tomorrow is the 1st of December. Christmas is the season. But for what I ask?

I figure, hey, tis my blog, tis the season, I can get up on my soapbox decorated red and green just special like for the holidays.

However, December the 25th, is the reason for the seaon i.e. the spending of money. Christmas Presents are NOT holiday gifts. If you celebrate Hanukkah, kewl, Quanza, kewl (I can't spell, don't shoot me) but don't attempt to obliterate my favorite holiday CHRISTMAS by calling it by this generic name of Holiday. It's not a holiday tree, it's a Christmas Tree.

Deal or piss off. Southerners like Christmas, we eat, we start fires, we have a good old time. We have guns, don't take attempt to take our Christmas, or YOU could be covered in paper, bows and string, but, no pretty colors, sorry, body bags tend to be kinda bland dontcha know.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Woohoo! Finish Line Crossed!!

Well, I did it! Finished the Nano for 2005.
I'd had a few setbacks, the first of which was of course finding the time to write during the holidays. Selfishly I stayed in my little room and typed like a demon to get all my stuff down out of my weird imagination onto the word processor.

Imagine my horror when she who shall not be named (psst, Meme!) brought to my attention that I had been uploading the wrong sort of file. I'd been congratulating myself, prematurely as it turned out, that I was only 1200 words from completing my goal of 50,000.

Imagine, if you will (its less painful than actually hearing it, believe me) my shrieks of horror and torment when upon figuring out what sort of file I was supposed to save, txt as opposed to rtf, that I had in fact, 12,000 give or take a few to go instead. Oh woe was me, oh woe was Nee, who'd been saving it to the same sort of file, as we have almost identical computers, dude, we got Dells.

ACK! THE HORROR THE HUMANITY ACK ACK ACK!! So, like a more insane and demonic typist (I'm pretty fast, you know, at least 160 wpm) I went at it.

And tonight or this morning rather at app. 12 am I did it! Crossed the finish line and got my banner and of course these icons which I had to save to be able to put into my side bar *points* I must brag, I must preen, I must do this for the others when they finish.

Also, note, the Q was first, she will be getting the bells from me, make no mistake in this. How dare she finish prior to me? I must be the first! I see her as a strangely Nickoldeon-ish chiuahahuah (spelling? GAH!) tapping away at the keyboard whilst laughing hysterically and drinking hypercaffeinated beans. I also see her doin it while wearing payless discount skippies, but that's just for spite, you understand.

The force is strong with her.. THE DARK FORCE! *breathes* What is thy bidding, Q mastah?

Anyhoos, have a good weekend, eat leftovers and above all, DO IT TIL YA WIN!

Nano Champion 2005,

Jenn (yehaw!!)
I might be a redneck, but I'm an educated redneck. (Ok, would you buy well read? How about psychotic? We have a winner!)

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Just in time for the holidays.

Kidnaping, raping and killing.. oh my!

Someone sent me one of those warning emails. The good kind of chain letters that tell you to be careful this holiday etc. I decided to blog my reply.

There was a list of things we’ve all read. Dark corners are a no, be alert, watch for freaks, all that there. However, here is a little practical advice for the rednecks(or those with their givadamns busted) among you.

The following must be said in a carrying voice, as a preventative measure:

How frickin heavy your purse is with this huge loaded gun in it. OR How you cannot believe you still have the herpes, that commercial lied. OR How you wished you'd never had that sex change.

Oh and if you are in the mall and you are propositioned for sex for money, don't just give them the look of 'how gross ew freako not even!' Take the chopstix that the nice man from the Chinese carry-out gave you and use them for the purpose God intended. You give him a freakin ureteroscope OR colonoscope OR lobotomy (prolly had that one already tho mm) OR just jam it into any convenient oriface you wish.

Under any Circumstances
Do NOT tell your father(he will have a cow and go to jail for idiotcide)
Do NOT call your insane grandmother (who actually DOES have a flipping gun in her purse GAH!!)
Do NOT tell your mother AFTER she gets to said crazy grandmother's. Tell her at the time of the incident as she knows how to hurt people and not go to jail. (yes me, yall, dang pay attention!)

On a more serious note:

I have a few, lets call them suggestions for when a person is confronted by a would be rapist, serial killer, or garden variety pervo..

1. Pick your nose (if you can bring yourself to consume, do so, he'd prolly hurk and run from YOU) *this is an actual suggestion from a self defense guy, swear, I almost fell out of my chair laughing, but then I thought about it and went mmm and filed it away for this the last 20 years.*

2. Always stay with the group (if you can get my mother to be a part of this group, all the better, *see above references*)

3. Grab the balls, twist, then run like hell. (Laugh if you like, when you've reached a safe distance. If you wish, thumbing your nose, etc may all be employed but I don't really think it's needed. He will be crying if you've twisted them just right, you know, and therefore won't be able to see you clearly enough to appreciate the subtle nuances of what is pretty much the female version of the Touchdown Dance.)

4. Stomp his toes, then run like hell.

5. Scream, loud as loud as you bloody well can. Sound off like you gotta pair (of boobs, not balls, unless you count the ones in your hand that you are at that moment twisting) run like hell.

Are you sensing a theme here? Hmmmm..

6. Tell him that his mother and/or wife is looking for him. It might confuse him long enough for you to get away. (in the case of Norman Bates types, this would make him curl up in the fetal position on the floor, resist the urge to kick him in the balls, just fucking run)

7. If you happen to be Jenn, then by all means give into the urge to bite chunks off wherever you can reach. Spit them out, then RUN LIKE HELL!

8. Watch your babies like evil mama hawks.

9. If in doubt about a person you feel is freaky, beat ass and ask questions later (fine, run, then, pah)

10. Never let someone make you feel guilty for being suspicious of them. And yes, they will try to do so. Women are taught to be polite, we are discouraged to entertain the remote possibility that:

A: We are attractive enough to invite a sexual advance(EG: whatever you ugly biatch as if! pah pah and pah!) *methinks he protestes too much no?*
B: The perp would even THINK of touching us in an inappropriate manner. (I don't see no wings, and unless that bulge in his pants is his halo, well. .JUST RUN!)
C: That you shouldn't just ignore him in hopes he'd go away and thereby not make a scene yourself (bullshit! Leave the vicinity with all haste. Yes, folks, that'd be run like hell.)

If you feel you must apologize, do it in a public setting, if he don't like it? Tell him your friend Jenn said, "Fuck em and feed em fishheads and rice."

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Pilgrim GirlTurkeyCornucopia


Monday, November 14, 2005

My take on the hero.


For quite a while I've harbored a bit of a jones for this man. His name is Aaron Kwok. The star of a long running RP series I wrote, and a major player in quite a few of my more, mm.. well, never mind that.

Is there just someone you see that grabs your notice each and every time? And if so, what is it about them that makes you say OOOH BABY!

I'm a writer, maybe I dabble in it, or maybe its an obsession, either way. I've come to the conclusion that there are archetypes of characters that I like.

I, being a laywoman am not really familiar with the real terms for them, however, I do have lovely examples.


1. Batman: This hero is dark and broody. Tormented by an incident in his past that drives him to do the things he does. Usually, he is a hero, albeit the dark horse of the piece. Sometimes, however, the Bat turns bad, but he's always deliciously complex and compelling. Love the Bat (My favorite vamps are almost always Batmen)

2. Superman: Also a bit tormented, but more wholesome and also apt to seek counsel for his torment. He's open and honest and sweet, with a noble streak a mile wide. However, don't be fooled by his all American charm, he can be deadly if riled. Cops characters are good examples of the Man of Steel, even if they only have the tin badge. (the Buns of Steel are nice too btw *grins*)

3. The Cowboy:Why Blake Shelton? Why the hell NOT is the real question. He's not your usual comic book hero, but there are some famous ones in movies. The most notable is Captain Kirk who rode a huge spaceship/stallion through the Final Frontier. He was a stun-gunslinger but hey, move with the times, right? However, that green girl, well, that's just wrong. Sorry Jim. I am and will always be your friend, but that's just gross.

A subcategory of this hero is:

4. The Pirate: Argh! Johnny, yeah baby! The bad boy, insane, fun-loving, good for a laugh and a hot tumble on the high seas. (Or deep space) Privateers were sexy too. Jean Laffite is one of the prime examples. Captain Jack Sparrow, was at least to me, much better than old Will was any old day. Give me the noble bad boy. Only, make him use a toothbrush first because he'd do a green bitch too if he could find her. Hello? Mermaids? Ew!

Han Solo, Mel in Lethel Weapon and Gambit fall into this category.

5. Sabertooth: Bad ass wicked kitty man from the X-men. He's one of the most openly sexual characters Marvel/DC et al ever had the balls to create. All those women running around in skimpy, tight spandex with big gravity defying boobs and did they get a wolf whistle? Not even a wolvie whistle, for shame Logan! But Sabertooth, exudes testosterone and made the remarks all the teenaged boys were thinking when they bought those comics. He's a sexy beast. And if he could be tamed... Okay, just a little because too much would change him into ..

6. Wolverine: He's hot, mysterious, broody and though he's hairy as all get out, strangely sexy. Despite that seriously 80's hairdo, I'd boff the wolvie. (Hugh Jackmon, look out!) He misses being Batman by () that much. The difference is this: he's an animalistic bastard that runs wild, howls at the moon and goes a little crazy once in a while. Hell, he's me in the throws of PMS. But, seriously alpha with just enough of a soft side for you to know he wouldn't chew off your arm if you fell asleep in his bed.

There are many other characters, some combos of the above. But these are my favorite Alphas.

Beta and Gamma are another story.

7. Snape, Spock and yeah, ok, Johnny Depp in a lot of his damn movies, are good examples of Gammas. Methos from Highlander fits in there too. Women find them sexy for various reasons. Usually what they project onto the character. As in, Spock was sexy, despite or perhaps because of his lack of emotion. Women say they want a man in touch with his feelings. Bullshit, they want strange and quiet men with the ability to lift one eyebrow and say, "Fascinating." in a shitty, superior way.

8. Beta: Bones off Star Trek was one, he reacted to the situation, as in "OMG Jim! Have you lost your rabbit assed mind? Green bitches? I know medicine's come a long way, but come on dude! Sheesh!"

Scotty was just the fixer, though, its been said a man who's good with tools beats any of these others hands down any old day.

9. Joker: The bad boy that still makes you snort milk out your nose. Harley loves him for a reason. He puts up with her sick ass self.

10. Magneto: Sort of a Spock, but a leader. He's an Alpha with an agenda. A bad ass, one who will get what he wants in the end.

The above ramblings are meant to represent my own opinions, if you don't agree, comment. If you do? You need a life, as you are as strange as me..

Trekkie forever


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Ho hum, and all that

So, what do you do when you just feel, eh. Not good, bad, happy, sad (that is a song I think) Just, eh. Well, if you're me, you go off and sit by yourself, and you think. This is not an involved process, it just is something I do every once in a blue moon.

Tonight it was brought on by anger. Not at people I know, and not even at a TV show I watched, well, indirectly, yeah.

Ok, I'm a Christian. I am one in the general sense that I believe in God and Jesus. However, that is getting harder and harder to say, in the places I frequent, publicly, privately and here lately, even cyberwise as well. When all that is shown, or even written bout a Christian is a harpy that will not listen to another's thoughts, views, etc, why should anyone listen to us.

I know all that warrior for Christ stuff, and I respect it. However, take lets take a look at the definition for Warrior, shall we?

One who is engaged in or experienced in battle.
One who is engaged aggressively or energetically in an activity, cause, or conflict.

Where does the word harpy, bitch and/or shrew play into that? I don't see it. Did you ever think that your words actions, and just the way you treat others would push someone away from the very thing you are trying soo hard (read loud) to get them to go toward? Well, yeah, think again.

Anyhoo, I am a good person, I try and respect other people's views. But it's getting harder and harder when MY views are not respected, when my opinions are not even heeded because the Banshee's for Christ have decided now is a good time to scream and release their religious vitriol upon the unwashed and uninitiated masses.

War.. to make war.. to win.. if you wish to win, you'd best change your strategies and quick like. At least make an intelligent argument for this put upon, much maligned, and yes, disgraced thing that used to be a wonderful place for my beliefs to rest. Now, it is getting harder and harder to agree with something that seems to hate everything else. WWJD? Hon, he' d probably tell you to use your INdoor voice at least. At buy a dictionary for heaven's sakes, educate yourself .. that my friends, is not a sin at all.

Contemplative... and grouchy


Saturday, November 05, 2005

Why in the heck do I hear the theme to Rawhide?

Rollin rollin rollin!! Keep them words a rollin rawhide...

What? *looks at the picture* What was I talking about again?

Oh! Yes, yes, yes. I am rolling along on my WIP for the NaNoWriMo thing. Quite proud of myself, in fact. I've kept my word count up to date. Still not quite sure what the heck I am supposed to upload there, or how, but hey, it's all good. And that profile thing w/the book is wow!! Just, wow!

This guy? *points* He's just eye candy. Nothing to do w/my story, or the site itself.

Sometimes, ya just do things cause you can, you know?

Anyhoo, so, here's words in your eye, vim and vigor in your plots, lots of twists and turns on the road to those wonderful, beautiful, slippery dippery words that many a writer never really wants to put on his or her WIP.

Because, you know when you do that, there is the query letter, the SYNOPSIS (satanic in origin, this I know) and the all important submission. GAH!!!

What are those words? NO, not that man is one hot stud, though, yeah, he is *weg* Those words are......

The End

The Jenn

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Star Wars Saga Continues

Long ago,
in a blog not so very
far away...........

If you look in my archives, you will note that I did post on by blog about being a Star Wars widow. I may become a widow in truth if my husband watches this frickin movie one more time! Honestly, he has watched it four times in the 2 days he's had it!

I loved the first three movies (I mean the ones from the 70's and 80's) don't get me wrong. They were fun, actionpacked and filled with the most wonderous creatures that Jim Henson and George Lucas could think up. However, if I have to hear this squeaky little boy make a mockery of James Earl Jones one more time this week, I will become the Trekkie from hell and have a damn Spock-o-thon in retaliation!

Trekkies are much more intelligent in any case. We are more introspective, less apt to come at you with a large plastic glowing device that hey, has no redeeming value other than it's potential to put a damn eye out! And where in the hell is Han Solo? Sheesh!

Light sabers be damned! I didn't need any extras to play Star Trek, all I had to do was the Vulcan Nerve Pinch or if we were feeling really high tech, we had domino's as telecommunicators/stun guns. This was when we weren't playing Duke Boys or Cowboys and Indians, or just the 'Beat the crap out of our only boy cousin' game. (My all time fav btw)

Now, I must hear about Padme doing this and Anakin doing that. And the ONLY flippin part I enjoy is when he puts that mask on and says those fateful words.

"What is thy bidding, my mastah?"

GO DARTH YEAH IT'S JAMES EARL JONES AGAIN!!! WOOHOO! *blinks* What do you mean, that's the end? OMG! (Sorta like sex in my teen years pffth too much damn trouble and so not worth the risks)

Tomorrow is Friday, hope your weekend and mine is Dance free.


A dyed in the wool Trekkie and Proud of it!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

November is National Novel Writing Month

Ok, lets see if it works, huh? I am participating in this NaNoWriMo contest for the month of November. The picture should link you to my profile and story. I hope this gets me off my butt and gets me going.

Muses come in all shapes and sizes, and regions of the country. Ty to the lovely lady that kicked me in this direction. I appreciate her for a lot of things, not the least of which is her positive outlook on my chances of getting published.

My book is called In the Shadow of the Wolf, sounds good, I think. I like it, so far, but hey, I am like the wind in my attitudes, if nothing else.

Thank ya Mary!!!! (hugs)

To the other muses that joined along with me, *crosses fingers* Hope we all make our quotas!!!

May the Muses Make Words Count *weg* (Cookie Galore, muah!)