Saturday, December 31, 2005

Take the Jenn Quiz today. Amaze your friends with all that you know about the strange
species of redneck known as Jenn.
Or, if you are bored and wanna waste time, go ahead, have a ball. Make one of your own and email it to me!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

You've got mail

But why do I have it? I don't mean the things you get from your friends, associates or even slim acquaintances. I mean this crap you get from some jacked up porn site that you've spent your life being blissfully ignorant of, well, that game's over. Pfth!

Today I got a few emails worthy of a rant. One I got from Paypal in an account used strictly for business. I have no paypal account with this email, therefore I knew it was a fake. However, it looks very official despite all that. I have a paypal account, and my password is..


Well, it ain't spam, that's for sure. Pah!

Others that I get have this sort of subject.

Grow it larger: are they talkin veggies? If so, I suspect they mean the root variety *snicker*

Jendirectmeds: If my name or part of it is in the title, I am sooo gonna trust em. If they but knew the types of meds I actually take, they'd run far far away never to trifle with me again. Yeah, whatever, I hope they read my blog and I scare the crap outta em at least.

Herbal Viagra: Dude, you put your weed in where? :O LMAO

Nasty $mutty teans (the actual spelling, so we know what they've been doin w/them fingers to make em all fumblin and all): Does the little dollar sign make it funkier, jazzier, less like porn and not only porn but apparently illegal porn if they are beneath the age of 18? If so, where is the freakin FBI when I need them? Teen porn is illegal right? Mm.. is this one of those Catch 22 things? What a quandary.

And last but certainly not least

Booty Call: *blinks* Booty call? WTF is that? Do I look like someone that actually answers my phone much less for a flippin booty call? I'm married with a kid, an evil ass kid that makes me wish never to have sex again and p'raps have yet another evil kid. No, she's not that bad, ok, yes, she is! Pah! anyhoo, booty call my er.. ass! Idiots, twanks and nonspellers!!

Hell, they even spammed my blog. But apparently setting the antispam thing stops them. Or else, they are too damn lazy to type in that wiggly code that's up there when you go to comment. Not only are they annoying, but they are also lazy. For shame you spammers!!

If Seuss where alive today, would he have written this book instead?

To: Sam I am
From: Cindyloohoo@whoville*com
Subject line: Spam

I will not read the spam
I will not read it on a train
I will not read it on a plane
I will not read it in a car
I will not read it from a jar
I will not read it with my eyes
I will not read it with all the lies
I will not read the spam
Just, Damn!


Who likes the real spam grilled with cheese

Saturday, December 17, 2005

The Wintertime Blahs

Warning: The definition of Blah is to feel bad. However, it starts with a b, so ,Jenn uses her blah feelings as a reason to bitch. Not that she actually needs one. Long ass bitch session to follow.

The cartoon is called Invader Zim. Maybe I have the alien flu or somthing. Whatever it is, I feel like ick. I have a fever, I'm congested, coughing, sniffling, sneezing, etc. I sound like the before person on a Nyquil commercial! Gah! *coughs* I wonder if this puter can catch this virus? *spritzes with the Lysol, just in case* Pause.. *coughs up kidney from the spraying of the Lysol*

Anyhoo, I got an xray. Well, I was told in not so many words to go away and take my plague ridden ass far far from them all. Yes, I was lynched. However, I had to go grocery shopping, there was no food in my house(according to my hubby the hawg) But, he'd decided that seein how I am the sweetest of all wives (haaaa! snort.. *coughs*) he wanted to take me out to eat. *blink* I am sick, I can taste nothing at all, therefore, being Rednecks of the Cajun persuasion we decide on Mexican. This is based on the premise that hot ass food will kill any and all germs, open up your pores and allow the ill humors to be leeched from you body. Ok, so, that aint how Meemaw put it, but you get my drift.

So, here we are, in an area eatery. When asked smoking or non, I reply, smoking. Oh, shut the hell up! I am sick, yes, I am! I don't want to hear how bad ciggies are for me. I can tell you this, you tellin me how bad they are for me is much more hazardous to YOUR health. So, chill out, smoke a ciggie, it will help ya relax, honest. Well, they lead us to the back forty, otherwise known as the smoking section. I sit down and immediately realize its about 40 degrees in this damn place. I ask if we can move, promising that I will not light up my damn cancer stick until I reach the confines of my vehicle. The only other two patrons laugh and say sarcastically. "Too damn cold for ya huh hon?" *cocks brow* Their lips are blue whilst pursed round their Marlboro 100's. Fortunately before I get a chance to answer, we are moved...


To the flippin Leper section!! It isn't cold, but its quiet, too quiet. I'm quite sure this is the part of the restaurant where someone was hanged or shot or some eerie business. I'm eating my chips and salsa wondering if I'm next. The tv is tuned to the National Geo. Channel, too, another ominous sign? Yeah, the animal documentary is on, there is a big ass huge snake eatin some equally big ass huge bird. Do they think they can kill the appetite of not one but two master gourmands? Well, think again, darling. I'm scarfin the salsa n chips, and I make the comment to the hubby, "This stuff aint even hot today, mmph." All proud of the fact that I've not gulped down half my Diet coke.

He gasps out an answer and I look up to see sweat on his brow and his eyes are bugged out. Immediately I think OMG Zombie's done et Bill's legs. Preparing to launch myself out of the booth.

What? Honey, I don't have to run faster than the zombies, I just gotta run faster than YOUR ass if they are after us. Then I see him pointing at the salsa. "Yes.. it is hot. You are insane." He finally gets out. I happily shrug and pretty much drink my salsa. (erm, for future reference, don't do this dumbass shit. just cause you can't taste it, don't mean you won't FEEL it later on in the evening.) So, with large brass boobs, I am the great Redneck spicy food champeen, I continue to be a dumbass.

Then, they bring the cheese (ooh slurp drool yes) and we eat and yumm yumm yumm. Then the food. I have fajitas w/shrimp, chicken and beef combo. I aint a pig, its called carry out, I am a future meal planner. So, we eat, and share off each others plates, etc. Then this kid comes running in and out and in and out yelling at some freaking old barn door at the end of the booths, screamin about a scary lady (oh shit! freakin scary? wah? *shrugs* I have salsa, I will dash it in her eyes and run like hell. It burns! It burns! I imagine so, cow, JALAPENOS!! YEHAW!)

Since, they've pissed me off, they aint getting a tip. I am a good tipper, I was a cook and a waitress and I know how that shit is. But they've shit in their financial nest if they think they're getting their 15% from this pissed off chicky that was froze out of the smoking lodge.

Then, it hits. The tummy cramp to end all tummy cramps. I haven't even eaten a third of the fajitas.

Dear Lord in heaven, Habanaro is not thy name, Thy Kingdom come, on earth as it is in pepper chili head heaven.

GAH! Suddenly I recall a salient fact. I haven't eaten since the night before. And that was a simple bowl of hot an sour soup (sensing a theme?) I have no coating on my poor abused stomach, I mean, I'm the lil girl that ate longhorns at my daddy's knee. I have a jar of jalapenos stockpiled in case of emergencies. Salsa is good on black eye peas, mm and a multitude of other things. Pepper sauce is on every table for as far as the eye can see. This aint Cajun Country yall, it's more Hot Sauce in the City.

So, I wince. Hubby freaks and goes to pay the bill while I pile my leftovers into a handy dandy container for private consumption. (near my toilie is the operative term here) He comes back with a frown on his face.

He waits til we're in the car to inform me that we were grossly overcharged. Hubby is nonconfrontational. I am too, usually. However, if he's learned nothing else in our 8 years of marriage, it's this: A sick Jenn will hurt you. She will cut you all the while smiling maniacally and giggling an insane clown giggle that is akin to nails screaming down a chalkboard.

I get a fever and I am pretty much out of my gourd. I go a bit off, get rabid, I lose my volume control and shit happens. Think Tequila and lots of it. I'm drunk, in other words. I don't drink, at all, alcohol interferes with some meds I take so, I am a tee totaler. However, you can be fever drunk, don't think ya can't.


Then, he stupidly takes me into the Walmart. Please note, this place and I have shared a long and varied history littered with, if not bodies, then words, foot stomps, purposeful product misplacement (on both our parts. Yeah, I am just petty enough to stick can goods into the men's shoes.) and bitching, ranting, and raving about crap from the temp in the store (too hot) My theory is that it's next door to a hellmouth, that's why its so damn hot there, hence the name of HellMART! *scary echo here* Bloody concubines of the devil go sashaying down the aisle in their satanic red vests. You think they are there to help. Well think again, oh innocent Hellmart Virgin. Ye shall be sacrificed to the gods of commerce on an alter that has tasted the blood of millions. The term squeezing blood from a turnip comes to mind, and YOU just fell off the turnip truck baby!

I tell you this in all honesty: I love kids (long as I aint gotta deal w/em for long periods of time) I like old peeps (long as I aint gotta deal w/em for long periods of time) I love people, well, you get my drift. However, don't bring your ADD, Hyperass/badass/loudass/freakozoid chaps up in the damn store and let them run around like chickens with their heads cut off. I can't see them if they are short, they are apt to be run over 'accidentally' by my shopping cart. Aw.

And if you are old, don't get in that damned chair and canoodle around the Walmart like a Sunday driving twit with all the time in the world. Your asses are retired, I have a job, I'm jealous in the first place. Plus you're draining all the Medicare I pay in by living your life of leisure.. that's two strikes. I will take your old geriatric ass out, get the hell outta my way!

If your ass is larger than 2 ft wide, place it either to the left or the right of the aisle. Do NOT put it out in the center so I can't get around it. I will take your ass out! I have can goods, they are potential weapons of mass destruction. The mass bein your ass when I shove these green beans right on up there! *growls*

Then there was Books A Million. Book Nazi has the flu! HAAAA! *shakes ass at her* *coughs*

Nobody died, this time. There is always next time though.. in the JennZone. Yeah, that music is scary, but then again, so am I!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I'm Dreamin of a White Christmas

Not really. See, the south is not prepared for such things. Not my neck of the woods anyway. I mean, it looks pretty on TV, and if it stays just on the grass, it's pretty here. However, we don't really do snow down here. We get icy rain, sleet, and snow all mixed. It half melts in the day, then at night refreezes to resemble that fondant icing on those fancy cakes these days. Only, make the fondant slicker than whale shit and harder then all get out and you have what we get.

We don't have snowplows, snowmobiles and all that stuff. Heck, we're stupid enough to tie the hood of a car (yall know we keep in the yard for just such a reason) to a bigfoot truck and go if not sledding, then Street Skiing.

The cops watch, the EMT's just wait. *CRASH* Then all sorts of redneck yellin, cussin, and laughing. If its bad, then its praying.

So, if we have a White Christmas, I am gonna turn into the Grinch, hitch poor Zoe to a car hood and we are going to my mama's come hell or high water. Too bad the river don't freeze, then I could just walk across.

I'm a Mean One,

Empress Mey

Monday, December 12, 2005

Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Every where you go..
La la whatever.

Pretty, huh? That's the Gallaria Mall in TX, at least I think it is. I haven't been there in a long time.

The last time I went, I was 8 or so. It seemed so big then. I was much smaller, of course.

Well it's almost time. Just a few more days and it will be present swapping, wassel drinking, baby kissing, candy making *gasp* and all the good stuff.

My favorite thing is spending time with my family. I love my mama and my aunts, uncles and cousins. My little bro? Well, I guess him too, after all he gave me the babies. I soo think they are the bestest in the world.

How do you spend Christmas? With family or with loved ones. At a home, or on the town? Will you be working?

Also, take some time to think of our troops STILL over in the sandtrap. That must royally suck. Hope they come home soon, safe and sound.

So, be careful, have a good time, eat lots, and above all.


Jenn the Redneck Reindeer

Friday, December 09, 2005

Tis the Season to be Jolly Fallllalalalalalalalla eh whatever

The stockings are hung, the tree is trimmed, the pressies are wrapped,
and parent's is skint!

Big bucks shelled out for crap they play with for a week then tear up and throw away. Or, they don't like it, it don't fit, and YOU have to go back and exchange it.


My favorite part of Christmas is opening the presents. However, what do you do when the whole thing is over, besides paying the bills, that is. We like to just vege out on the couch; and lie to ourselves stating we will start earlier on the pressie buying for next year.

A lie, a rank untruth! Anyways, have a Merry Christmas, yall, the countdown has begun. Not much longer til the tinsel, mistletoe, wassel, carols, snow, lights and all will come to an end leaving you wondering why you feel so let down.

Merry Christmas!!!

Santa's Favorite Ho Ho Ho

Monday, December 05, 2005

Deck the Halls

Fa la la la la la la la laaaa!!!!

Merry Christmas, tis the season for little bitty lights to be put up all over the place. The things are beautiful, for all that they are tiny and aggravating as all get out.

Each year, at Mama's they put up the lights, the decorations, the santas, the snowmen, all of it. Me? You're lucky if I put up a tree. Why? Lazy, basically. I love Christmas, but I don't like to decorate.

We have our tree up right now, with the lights and the angel on top. I don't have any ornaments on it because I can't find the darned things.

I've almost finished my shopping too. WOOHOOO. I got my mother's and hubby's out of the way, now the step father, the grandfather in law, and all that to go yet.

Oh, and get this, I have MY present out of the way too. *growls* I had to shop for my own present, hubby's are insane, you know.

Ho Ho Ho Yall.

Jenna Claus

Friday, December 02, 2005

I belong to Angela Knight's yahoo group. Some zany person, (thank YOU) put this link up. I spit coffee on the screen and said OMG! It's ME!! Then I looked around for the hidden cameras. Warning, this isn't child friendly, or is it yuppie friendly. LOVE ITTTTT!!!

Went to the Hellmart today. Hated it. Despise this time of year, all the screaming kids, the parents that tune them out, the freaks that like to cut me off with their buggies, the bitch of a checker that pissed me off not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES! I didn't kill her... they should have gave me free chocy at the door for that.

When you don't kill someone, you should get a reward. Like the Pavlov dog thing. I WANT MY NONMURDEROUS CHOCY YOU BASTARDS!!! *growls*

Now, to top the cotton. My exhusband's wife is getting a little pissy with my child. Tellin her she needs to call them. Well, she needs to learn, that phone works both ways. Have they sent my baby a Christmas, Birthday, or even a Are you still alive card. Any of this shit would have been nice. Unlike my child, YOU have a job, unlike my child YOU are an adult (exhubby is not much of one, hence the ex portion on the front of that) Oh, and hey, pay me a lil more child support and I might be able to afford the long distance phone call to YOUR house. Till then, piss off and die!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH. Tis the season to be killin...

La lalalalaallaaaaaaaaaaaaallaa la la la *bang* *gag* *gurgle* *thump*

Love yall, but please stay well beyond the perimeter of my cage, I am in a biting mood.


Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Do you hear what I hear?

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Wayyyyyy!!!!!! Q's the Ho, she just don't know, I'm gonna make her payyyyy!!

Ok, I won't, but I mean, it rhymed. Tomorrow is the 1st of December. Christmas is the season. But for what I ask?

I figure, hey, tis my blog, tis the season, I can get up on my soapbox decorated red and green just special like for the holidays.

However, December the 25th, is the reason for the seaon i.e. the spending of money. Christmas Presents are NOT holiday gifts. If you celebrate Hanukkah, kewl, Quanza, kewl (I can't spell, don't shoot me) but don't attempt to obliterate my favorite holiday CHRISTMAS by calling it by this generic name of Holiday. It's not a holiday tree, it's a Christmas Tree.

Deal or piss off. Southerners like Christmas, we eat, we start fires, we have a good old time. We have guns, don't take attempt to take our Christmas, or YOU could be covered in paper, bows and string, but, no pretty colors, sorry, body bags tend to be kinda bland dontcha know.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Woohoo! Finish Line Crossed!!

Well, I did it! Finished the Nano for 2005.
I'd had a few setbacks, the first of which was of course finding the time to write during the holidays. Selfishly I stayed in my little room and typed like a demon to get all my stuff down out of my weird imagination onto the word processor.

Imagine my horror when she who shall not be named (psst, Meme!) brought to my attention that I had been uploading the wrong sort of file. I'd been congratulating myself, prematurely as it turned out, that I was only 1200 words from completing my goal of 50,000.

Imagine, if you will (its less painful than actually hearing it, believe me) my shrieks of horror and torment when upon figuring out what sort of file I was supposed to save, txt as opposed to rtf, that I had in fact, 12,000 give or take a few to go instead. Oh woe was me, oh woe was Nee, who'd been saving it to the same sort of file, as we have almost identical computers, dude, we got Dells.

ACK! THE HORROR THE HUMANITY ACK ACK ACK!! So, like a more insane and demonic typist (I'm pretty fast, you know, at least 160 wpm) I went at it.

And tonight or this morning rather at app. 12 am I did it! Crossed the finish line and got my banner and of course these icons which I had to save to be able to put into my side bar *points* I must brag, I must preen, I must do this for the others when they finish.

Also, note, the Q was first, she will be getting the bells from me, make no mistake in this. How dare she finish prior to me? I must be the first! I see her as a strangely Nickoldeon-ish chiuahahuah (spelling? GAH!) tapping away at the keyboard whilst laughing hysterically and drinking hypercaffeinated beans. I also see her doin it while wearing payless discount skippies, but that's just for spite, you understand.

The force is strong with her.. THE DARK FORCE! *breathes* What is thy bidding, Q mastah?

Anyhoos, have a good weekend, eat leftovers and above all, DO IT TIL YA WIN!

Nano Champion 2005,

Jenn (yehaw!!)
I might be a redneck, but I'm an educated redneck. (Ok, would you buy well read? How about psychotic? We have a winner!)

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Just in time for the holidays.

Kidnaping, raping and killing.. oh my!

Someone sent me one of those warning emails. The good kind of chain letters that tell you to be careful this holiday etc. I decided to blog my reply.

There was a list of things we’ve all read. Dark corners are a no, be alert, watch for freaks, all that there. However, here is a little practical advice for the rednecks(or those with their givadamns busted) among you.

The following must be said in a carrying voice, as a preventative measure:

How frickin heavy your purse is with this huge loaded gun in it. OR How you cannot believe you still have the herpes, that commercial lied. OR How you wished you'd never had that sex change.

Oh and if you are in the mall and you are propositioned for sex for money, don't just give them the look of 'how gross ew freako not even!' Take the chopstix that the nice man from the Chinese carry-out gave you and use them for the purpose God intended. You give him a freakin ureteroscope OR colonoscope OR lobotomy (prolly had that one already tho mm) OR just jam it into any convenient oriface you wish.

Under any Circumstances
Do NOT tell your father(he will have a cow and go to jail for idiotcide)
Do NOT call your insane grandmother (who actually DOES have a flipping gun in her purse GAH!!)
Do NOT tell your mother AFTER she gets to said crazy grandmother's. Tell her at the time of the incident as she knows how to hurt people and not go to jail. (yes me, yall, dang pay attention!)

On a more serious note:

I have a few, lets call them suggestions for when a person is confronted by a would be rapist, serial killer, or garden variety pervo..

1. Pick your nose (if you can bring yourself to consume, do so, he'd prolly hurk and run from YOU) *this is an actual suggestion from a self defense guy, swear, I almost fell out of my chair laughing, but then I thought about it and went mmm and filed it away for this the last 20 years.*

2. Always stay with the group (if you can get my mother to be a part of this group, all the better, *see above references*)

3. Grab the balls, twist, then run like hell. (Laugh if you like, when you've reached a safe distance. If you wish, thumbing your nose, etc may all be employed but I don't really think it's needed. He will be crying if you've twisted them just right, you know, and therefore won't be able to see you clearly enough to appreciate the subtle nuances of what is pretty much the female version of the Touchdown Dance.)

4. Stomp his toes, then run like hell.

5. Scream, loud as loud as you bloody well can. Sound off like you gotta pair (of boobs, not balls, unless you count the ones in your hand that you are at that moment twisting) run like hell.

Are you sensing a theme here? Hmmmm..

6. Tell him that his mother and/or wife is looking for him. It might confuse him long enough for you to get away. (in the case of Norman Bates types, this would make him curl up in the fetal position on the floor, resist the urge to kick him in the balls, just fucking run)

7. If you happen to be Jenn, then by all means give into the urge to bite chunks off wherever you can reach. Spit them out, then RUN LIKE HELL!

8. Watch your babies like evil mama hawks.

9. If in doubt about a person you feel is freaky, beat ass and ask questions later (fine, run, then, pah)

10. Never let someone make you feel guilty for being suspicious of them. And yes, they will try to do so. Women are taught to be polite, we are discouraged to entertain the remote possibility that:

A: We are attractive enough to invite a sexual advance(EG: whatever you ugly biatch as if! pah pah and pah!) *methinks he protestes too much no?*
B: The perp would even THINK of touching us in an inappropriate manner. (I don't see no wings, and unless that bulge in his pants is his halo, well. .JUST RUN!)
C: That you shouldn't just ignore him in hopes he'd go away and thereby not make a scene yourself (bullshit! Leave the vicinity with all haste. Yes, folks, that'd be run like hell.)

If you feel you must apologize, do it in a public setting, if he don't like it? Tell him your friend Jenn said, "Fuck em and feed em fishheads and rice."

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Pilgrim GirlTurkeyCornucopia


Monday, November 14, 2005

My take on the hero.


For quite a while I've harbored a bit of a jones for this man. His name is Aaron Kwok. The star of a long running RP series I wrote, and a major player in quite a few of my more, mm.. well, never mind that.

Is there just someone you see that grabs your notice each and every time? And if so, what is it about them that makes you say OOOH BABY!

I'm a writer, maybe I dabble in it, or maybe its an obsession, either way. I've come to the conclusion that there are archetypes of characters that I like.

I, being a laywoman am not really familiar with the real terms for them, however, I do have lovely examples.


1. Batman: This hero is dark and broody. Tormented by an incident in his past that drives him to do the things he does. Usually, he is a hero, albeit the dark horse of the piece. Sometimes, however, the Bat turns bad, but he's always deliciously complex and compelling. Love the Bat (My favorite vamps are almost always Batmen)

2. Superman: Also a bit tormented, but more wholesome and also apt to seek counsel for his torment. He's open and honest and sweet, with a noble streak a mile wide. However, don't be fooled by his all American charm, he can be deadly if riled. Cops characters are good examples of the Man of Steel, even if they only have the tin badge. (the Buns of Steel are nice too btw *grins*)

3. The Cowboy:Why Blake Shelton? Why the hell NOT is the real question. He's not your usual comic book hero, but there are some famous ones in movies. The most notable is Captain Kirk who rode a huge spaceship/stallion through the Final Frontier. He was a stun-gunslinger but hey, move with the times, right? However, that green girl, well, that's just wrong. Sorry Jim. I am and will always be your friend, but that's just gross.

A subcategory of this hero is:

4. The Pirate: Argh! Johnny, yeah baby! The bad boy, insane, fun-loving, good for a laugh and a hot tumble on the high seas. (Or deep space) Privateers were sexy too. Jean Laffite is one of the prime examples. Captain Jack Sparrow, was at least to me, much better than old Will was any old day. Give me the noble bad boy. Only, make him use a toothbrush first because he'd do a green bitch too if he could find her. Hello? Mermaids? Ew!

Han Solo, Mel in Lethel Weapon and Gambit fall into this category.

5. Sabertooth: Bad ass wicked kitty man from the X-men. He's one of the most openly sexual characters Marvel/DC et al ever had the balls to create. All those women running around in skimpy, tight spandex with big gravity defying boobs and did they get a wolf whistle? Not even a wolvie whistle, for shame Logan! But Sabertooth, exudes testosterone and made the remarks all the teenaged boys were thinking when they bought those comics. He's a sexy beast. And if he could be tamed... Okay, just a little because too much would change him into ..

6. Wolverine: He's hot, mysterious, broody and though he's hairy as all get out, strangely sexy. Despite that seriously 80's hairdo, I'd boff the wolvie. (Hugh Jackmon, look out!) He misses being Batman by () that much. The difference is this: he's an animalistic bastard that runs wild, howls at the moon and goes a little crazy once in a while. Hell, he's me in the throws of PMS. But, seriously alpha with just enough of a soft side for you to know he wouldn't chew off your arm if you fell asleep in his bed.

There are many other characters, some combos of the above. But these are my favorite Alphas.

Beta and Gamma are another story.

7. Snape, Spock and yeah, ok, Johnny Depp in a lot of his damn movies, are good examples of Gammas. Methos from Highlander fits in there too. Women find them sexy for various reasons. Usually what they project onto the character. As in, Spock was sexy, despite or perhaps because of his lack of emotion. Women say they want a man in touch with his feelings. Bullshit, they want strange and quiet men with the ability to lift one eyebrow and say, "Fascinating." in a shitty, superior way.

8. Beta: Bones off Star Trek was one, he reacted to the situation, as in "OMG Jim! Have you lost your rabbit assed mind? Green bitches? I know medicine's come a long way, but come on dude! Sheesh!"

Scotty was just the fixer, though, its been said a man who's good with tools beats any of these others hands down any old day.

9. Joker: The bad boy that still makes you snort milk out your nose. Harley loves him for a reason. He puts up with her sick ass self.

10. Magneto: Sort of a Spock, but a leader. He's an Alpha with an agenda. A bad ass, one who will get what he wants in the end.

The above ramblings are meant to represent my own opinions, if you don't agree, comment. If you do? You need a life, as you are as strange as me..

Trekkie forever


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Ho hum, and all that

So, what do you do when you just feel, eh. Not good, bad, happy, sad (that is a song I think) Just, eh. Well, if you're me, you go off and sit by yourself, and you think. This is not an involved process, it just is something I do every once in a blue moon.

Tonight it was brought on by anger. Not at people I know, and not even at a TV show I watched, well, indirectly, yeah.

Ok, I'm a Christian. I am one in the general sense that I believe in God and Jesus. However, that is getting harder and harder to say, in the places I frequent, publicly, privately and here lately, even cyberwise as well. When all that is shown, or even written bout a Christian is a harpy that will not listen to another's thoughts, views, etc, why should anyone listen to us.

I know all that warrior for Christ stuff, and I respect it. However, take lets take a look at the definition for Warrior, shall we?

One who is engaged in or experienced in battle.
One who is engaged aggressively or energetically in an activity, cause, or conflict.

Where does the word harpy, bitch and/or shrew play into that? I don't see it. Did you ever think that your words actions, and just the way you treat others would push someone away from the very thing you are trying soo hard (read loud) to get them to go toward? Well, yeah, think again.

Anyhoo, I am a good person, I try and respect other people's views. But it's getting harder and harder when MY views are not respected, when my opinions are not even heeded because the Banshee's for Christ have decided now is a good time to scream and release their religious vitriol upon the unwashed and uninitiated masses.

War.. to make war.. to win.. if you wish to win, you'd best change your strategies and quick like. At least make an intelligent argument for this put upon, much maligned, and yes, disgraced thing that used to be a wonderful place for my beliefs to rest. Now, it is getting harder and harder to agree with something that seems to hate everything else. WWJD? Hon, he' d probably tell you to use your INdoor voice at least. At buy a dictionary for heaven's sakes, educate yourself .. that my friends, is not a sin at all.

Contemplative... and grouchy


Saturday, November 05, 2005

Why in the heck do I hear the theme to Rawhide?

Rollin rollin rollin!! Keep them words a rollin rawhide...

What? *looks at the picture* What was I talking about again?

Oh! Yes, yes, yes. I am rolling along on my WIP for the NaNoWriMo thing. Quite proud of myself, in fact. I've kept my word count up to date. Still not quite sure what the heck I am supposed to upload there, or how, but hey, it's all good. And that profile thing w/the book is wow!! Just, wow!

This guy? *points* He's just eye candy. Nothing to do w/my story, or the site itself.

Sometimes, ya just do things cause you can, you know?

Anyhoo, so, here's words in your eye, vim and vigor in your plots, lots of twists and turns on the road to those wonderful, beautiful, slippery dippery words that many a writer never really wants to put on his or her WIP.

Because, you know when you do that, there is the query letter, the SYNOPSIS (satanic in origin, this I know) and the all important submission. GAH!!!

What are those words? NO, not that man is one hot stud, though, yeah, he is *weg* Those words are......

The End

The Jenn

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Star Wars Saga Continues

Long ago,
in a blog not so very
far away...........

If you look in my archives, you will note that I did post on by blog about being a Star Wars widow. I may become a widow in truth if my husband watches this frickin movie one more time! Honestly, he has watched it four times in the 2 days he's had it!

I loved the first three movies (I mean the ones from the 70's and 80's) don't get me wrong. They were fun, actionpacked and filled with the most wonderous creatures that Jim Henson and George Lucas could think up. However, if I have to hear this squeaky little boy make a mockery of James Earl Jones one more time this week, I will become the Trekkie from hell and have a damn Spock-o-thon in retaliation!

Trekkies are much more intelligent in any case. We are more introspective, less apt to come at you with a large plastic glowing device that hey, has no redeeming value other than it's potential to put a damn eye out! And where in the hell is Han Solo? Sheesh!

Light sabers be damned! I didn't need any extras to play Star Trek, all I had to do was the Vulcan Nerve Pinch or if we were feeling really high tech, we had domino's as telecommunicators/stun guns. This was when we weren't playing Duke Boys or Cowboys and Indians, or just the 'Beat the crap out of our only boy cousin' game. (My all time fav btw)

Now, I must hear about Padme doing this and Anakin doing that. And the ONLY flippin part I enjoy is when he puts that mask on and says those fateful words.

"What is thy bidding, my mastah?"

GO DARTH YEAH IT'S JAMES EARL JONES AGAIN!!! WOOHOO! *blinks* What do you mean, that's the end? OMG! (Sorta like sex in my teen years pffth too much damn trouble and so not worth the risks)

Tomorrow is Friday, hope your weekend and mine is Dance free.


A dyed in the wool Trekkie and Proud of it!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

November is National Novel Writing Month

Ok, lets see if it works, huh? I am participating in this NaNoWriMo contest for the month of November. The picture should link you to my profile and story. I hope this gets me off my butt and gets me going.

Muses come in all shapes and sizes, and regions of the country. Ty to the lovely lady that kicked me in this direction. I appreciate her for a lot of things, not the least of which is her positive outlook on my chances of getting published.

My book is called In the Shadow of the Wolf, sounds good, I think. I like it, so far, but hey, I am like the wind in my attitudes, if nothing else.

Thank ya Mary!!!! (hugs)

To the other muses that joined along with me, *crosses fingers* Hope we all make our quotas!!!

May the Muses Make Words Count *weg* (Cookie Galore, muah!)


Sunday, October 30, 2005

Time well spent?

My mother decided to get her eyeliner permanently tattooed onto her lower lid. I was aghast that she would do this as, she is a big needle phobe. Really bad, I mean, she won't be in the room when someone else gets a shot. So, color me surprised.

Color her happy with the results. She said, it didn't hurt at all, they deadened the area and it took about 2 hours for both eyes. I sat in what was called the Serenity Room, and read my book.

The Techs were nice, they provided me with a bottled water even if I wasn't a client and also canned music, which, I am sorry, I don't care for unending Bolero. However, it is better than Enya, who for so many years accompanied my slumber, that I have but to hear the woman's voice and I start to snooze. Love her, can't listen to her at work, that is a no snoring zone.

Anyhoo, they stopped when they finished the first eye and allowed her a smoke break. She said, she didn't hurt, but she had that vaseline crap under the eye like a prize fighter or something. But, not much longer after that, she came out with both eyes done and we went shopping. So, basically no down time there. She said that they used a manual needle thing, and not a machine for more control, less vibrations, etc. Interestin.. *eep!*

The aftereffects? For her, she said, it felt like she'd been crying and her eyes were tender.

However, be advised, all I spoke with about this procedure *points* said OMG THAT SHIT HURTS LIKE HELL! ACK ACK!

A friend of mine said, it is the most painful experience she's ever gone through. I tell you what, I like lipstick, I like the smell, and the feel. I am not getting my lips tattooed, no, heck no.

We went to the Picadilly, then shopping. My Mommy bought me some shoes, a pair of houseshoes and a big fluffy purple throw *sighs* I love itt!! The Serenity Room didn't hurt me none either. Quiet, relaxing, no interruptions of the reading time. Tats are a good thing, as long as you are only waiting on someone to get them done, that is.

The Still Blank Canvas (stretchmarks don't count)


Thursday, October 27, 2005

My Mother has lost her mind!

I like her, she's fallish, she aint got jack shit to do with my blog though.

Ahem, let me tell you a story, it is an old story, but the retelling of it doesn't diminish the veracity or the impact of what follows. Please, step into my life aka the Jennzone

Jack O' Lantern

My mother, let us call her Nana, as that is what my daughter calls her and it's easier to type. Now, then. Nana is afraid of needles. I mean like really scared. It is a phobia of hers that goes back a long way. She doesn't like them, threading one to sew makes her sweaty and shaky. And, she like cusses and stuff, but that is cause she can't see jackcrap and gets pissed, that is neither here nor there. Where the hell was I anyway?

Frankenstein's Bride

Oh yeah, Mama tells me tonight, I am going to have my eyes done, and you will have to come with, in case I can't drive later. I went, you're going to get your eyes dilated? I can't drive woman, you know this! Gah!!

"I am not going to get them dilated! I am getting my eyeliner permanently tattoo'd on." She sounds smug to me.

"What? You are doing what?" My voice, I confess rises an octave or five. "Mother." I strive for calm. "You are aware they use needles for this, right?" This is the woman that won't come in with ME when I am getting a shot. *snorts*

Scared 1

"Well, no, I did not know this, Jennifer." She sounds all snippy, like only she (and yeah, ok, me! piss off!) can. "I am quite aware of the procedure, I want it done, and I am doing it, and you will drive!!"

*blinks* waits... *blinks a few more times* "YOU ARE INSANE WOMAN!" I am very brave, no? Telling my tiny evil mother she's nuts. *tee hee hee* I am brave as she can't see at night and she lives over thirty miles away. In other words, I am safer than if I were in Fort Knox.

Toungue Out To her, nyah! *looks out her window, just in case*

"No, I am not insane, you are coming w/me and you are holding my hand, I HAVE SPOKEN."

PoutyI am a grown woman, I don't have to mind her, you know. I mean, I am married, with a 15 year old daughter. She ain't the boss of me.

So, this Saturday, I am going to a tattoo parlor w/my freakin mama! Jeez Louise!! Aw, here it goes!

Headlines in the Monroe NewStar will read.

Nana is now too hip to be square.


Woman's daughter is a big old stick in the mud. (film at 11)


OMG! THAT IS ONE BIG ASS NEEDLE OMG OMG OMG! (that'd be my mama, I am sure she is gonna have a cow, I just know it!)

CowGood thing I'm the Grand Moobah huh? Well, I am the Grand Moobah, except when I am with Bessie the Branded Bihotch. (That's my mama, yall)

Jenn, the semifreaked, but mostly proud daughter.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Hump Day

She is called changing woman. I just think she's pretty,but she means something in the N.A. pantheon. I am gonna use her to get through the week w/out quitting or killing peeps.

She shall be my talisman of calm and stoicism. Yes, I am a great warrior woman of wisedom. Or more accurately, I just don't give a damn.

Hump day, it's all down hill from here, hope Friday comes soon. Premature Efridayfication aint ever sounded so damn good.

Have a good week yall


Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Step into the Jennzone

No, dammit, this aint freakin Taradise, Hiltonville, Spearsland, or what da fuck ever. I live in hell, or close enough to it so I get the fumes (ok, it's the paper mill, that crap still stinks!) Have you ever had the feeling you just don't matter in the grander scheme of things?

Yeah,besides the we are small lil specks in the big bad universe thing, dammit! I mean, hell, nobody matters a shit when compared to global warming, disease, famine, strife, George W. being elected for a 2nd term.. oh, oops, sorry, ok, we don't not really. But you'd think if you've been somewhere for over 5 years, you'd be meaning something, right? RIGHT? Not even close. Deal with it, they all say, if things go right, you get ignored, if one little thing fucks up, you are so fuckin shit on until the damn clock shows quitting time.

And, hey, if you have an albeit small but annoying beef you put on the table, with a solution included, I might add, you're just blowed off like the tiny little peon you are. Life sux, work sux, my spelling has gone downhill since graduation, I could so give a damn.

Now, I have a new outlook on life in my work place. FUCK YOU. Yep, that bout covers it, I don't give a damn about you, and the less YOU talk to ME the better. I will do my job, damn good I may add, and I will make sure the customers are happy with me. However, insofar as the rest of the bullshit goes, I just fuckin quit. I don't want to be included in the little reindeer games if it means I am always stuck flying in back of a flatulent, petty, overblown, stupidass bunch of fiber eating dickheads that wouldn't know Goodwill to Man if it bit them on their salaried asses.

Oh, yeah, I care if this is read by them too, can ya tell? Nah, didn't think it showed too much. I've had it, deal with the new, no nonsense, take no prisoners RoboJenn who will cut you down with the efficiency she's shown heretofore at her job thus far. I hid it, you see, behind the sweet demeanor it took 35 years for me to build up. I decided that load of shit is too heavy to carry, deal with it or fire me. After today, I could give a fuck.

The Rant Queen has left the building.. (Ok, almost)


Friday, October 21, 2005

WHOOOOHOOO!! Harry comes to TV!

No, not Houdini, he is named after him though.

No not the hirsute Henderson one either..(Although, I am sure Bigfoot would be welcome in his books)

NoNONO!! this is not a return of the beloved and goofy judge from Night Court.. not that Harry.

His name is Harry Dresdon, he is Chicago's only wizard, well, the only one that is listed in the yellow pages. And he is comin to TV! And who is he? NICK CAGE OH YEAH !!! I have always wanted him to play that part. Some said, James wassis, from Buffy -- Spike. I thought, no, I would forever see him as the blonde fanged Billy Idol wannabe, so, no. Some said .. well, ok, the discussions were endless, so much so that they were banned from the McNally's Mailing List that was put in place for fans of this lovely series of books.

Added Note: In my haste to get this up here, I did't look closely enough at that picture (Plus the damn thing is tiny and well, it was late, thanks to Dan for clearing it up for me!!) Dunno who the hell he is, don't actually care right now either! It is still gonna happen, yehaw!!!

Jim Butcher has been a long time friend (in the sense that I read his books and therefore as he provides me such wonderful reading time, I love the dude) Authors can be friends, or rather the characters they create can be. Harry is like an old friend, when you open the book, you say, "Hey, there you are, I was wondering what you'd been up to." Ok, you don't say that unless you are borderline psychotic and/or have a vivid imagination.

I am lucky enough to be in possession of both. But in the case of Dresden Fans, the psychopath is wide and the views are scenic. His fan base has grown because he keeps his characters real despite the fact that they are so surreal.

Were's that are college kids and get this ACT that way. Yeah, the leader of the pack had coke bottle glasses before his g/f told him to buy a clue and some contacts.

He has human characters that are strong despite their weaknesses. Murphy, the cop is a prime example. She's frail (in the world she works in) small, but mean as hell. Even if she's scared spitless, she still steps up to the plate. But, in a realistic way, not that stupid I am going to run over here in the bushes and get ate up by wolves unless you save me and prove your undying love sort of way.

His vamps are varied. There are bad vamps (ew smelly and decayed) sexy vamps (meowr, Thomas *slurp*) and just plain weird vamps. Also, vamps that are mean but in human ways. Controlling father keeps kids under his thumb by controlling the purse strings, etc.

Harry himself is no Greek god. Just normal, tall, gawky, but ok looking (Nick Cage ohhh yeah!) and his small ego is balanced out by his overdeveloped sense of selfpreservation. eg.. I have long legs for a reason, wizards should be able to run fast. His magic is not all sparkle and pop, it has to be prepared, like a paranormal boyscout. He has his weaknesses and his strengths. He also has a weird, quirky sense of humor, one of my fav things about him.

So, in all, Mr. Butcher's books are about the little guy against the man. Sometimes, the man is a huge monkey made of small monkeys or a walking tree at the Walmart or er.. ok, so, the man isn't always a man. Just read the damned things..or *squirms in delight* WATCH THE DAMN SHOW!! HELL YES!! The following link has some info...

Please mind your step. There is a flaming monkey pooh hazard in these parts.

Jennzilla/Big Dresden Fan (in case yall couldn't tell before *coughs*)

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Birthday Blog


Born on October 19
1945 - John LithgowEmmy Award-winning actor: 3rd Rock from the Sun [1995-1996, 1996-1997, 1998-1999]; Tony Award-winning actor: The Changing Room [1973]; Twilight Zone-The Movie, I’m Dancing as Fast as I Can, The World According to Garp, Terms of Endearment, Raising Cain, The Pelican Brief, Cliffhanger

1931 - John Le Carré (David Cornwell)author: The Russia House, A Small Town in Germany, The Spy Who Came in from the Cold, The Night Manager.

Elvis and Priscilla got divorced on this day.. mm. How freakin depressing!

Pah! what a boring ass day I have. However, I was looking at some sites(thanks my loverly friends in cyberville) and I found that in N.A. my animal is a Raven or a Crow. Interesting to say the least.

9/22-10/22Crow people are not loners. They feel secure with other people and work best in groups. Crow people are not loners. They feel secure with other people and work best in groups. Crows have a strong sense of loyalty and have the ability to turn thoughts into reality. Confidences and trusts are kept with Crow people. Taking time to look within and gain inner strength helps make those important decisions without hesitation. Crows may have the appearance of not having courage and strength, but discerns quite well situations that may be dangerous. Masters of alchemy, crows can transform desires into reality. Crows often have difficulty in making choices, however, when those choices are made they act with vigilance. Talkative and good natured they love and thrive on new experiences. Cheerful and fun, yet annoying and bothersome. Crow people may have a two-sided work ethic: workaholic and lazy. Easy going crows love groups and come alive in social settings. Their excellent negotiating skills is marked by their balance for justice. These people can be indecisive and gullible also romantic and easy going. Crow people need to balance the mind with the emotions.

I am ivy in the Celtic Zodiac. (Poison Ivy? well dur)

The power of the Ivy lies in its ability to cling and bind, making it a potent symbol of determination and strength to the Druids. Ivy has been known to strangle trees and was once a portent of death and spiritual growth. Being evergreen in nature, the Ivy represented the perennial aspects of the human psyche. The Celts associated Ivy with their Lunar Goddess, Arianrhod, and their ritual to this deity marked the opening of the portal to the OtherWorld...or the Dark Side of the Moon. This door symbolized an entrance to the Realm of Faery and thus, the Ivy was representative of the mysterious and the mystical. Ivy was once carried by women for good luck and used to aid in fertility. When used correctly, it was said to heal headaches, muscle cramps and assist in the art of prophecy. Ivy was symbolic of the journey of the soul and the spiral toward to the self. It encouraged assistance toward others in their search so that they, in turn, might offer assistance. Considered to be powerful indeed by the Celts because of its ability to kill even the mightiest Oak, the Ivy has a tendency to create dense, inpenetrable thickets in the forest. It was regarded to be much more powerful than the Vine and rather sinister in nature.

I have the boar, goose and the butterfly as my animals. Pretty much me, I guess. I am a piggishly flighty woman, who is also cute. Mm.. I can deal with that.


I was off work today celebrating all by myself. I loved it! No hey, mama where is my glasses? Honey, can you look at this bump? etc. ME ME ME!

I got some cool pressies, I am getting dinner made for me, and my fav dessert, lemon ice box pie too. Life is good, I love being in my midthirties. Its just a number after all right?

Bachelorette Party Party hearty..

Jennzilla, the old

Sunday, October 16, 2005

You don't know what ya got til it's gone.

SadI miss my Nee. I do, for real. She's off to the wilds of inlawdom. Her bro in law got married this weekend. I always talk to her everyday, which, may seem strange as we have never met in person. It is weird how she and the rest of us all started talking.
Note: Most names are changed to protect the innocent. However, in this case, it's to protect our sorry ass hides.

Nee is from the frozen north, she's quiet, calm and sweet. She is also the deet queen of the group. If you want to know something, ask her. Not that she ALWAYS knows the answer, however, she's just anal enough to look it up. Easier than the dictionary, mean as hell in the process. LOL.

Meme is a sweet southernish person, sort of. She's been adopted into that area after so many years of living there. However, she does have a strangely foreign (read northern) accent that peeks out now and again. Funny, sweet and strangely at the same time, mean as hell, love the Meems.

Kitta, the one and only true foreigner, she comes from across the water; unlike one of the insane moobah's hubby thinks, she is not accessable by car either. *sighs* She has a sharp dry wit that can cut you while you laugh at the joke. The baby of the group, but by no means, immature, Kitta is a vile and evil hume. If you tell her this she will smile and say, thank you. Scary thing she is.

Livinator, bawdy, funny, mean, and so damn smart its scary. For right now she is M.I.A., but still, she fits in with us when she's there. Insane woman, she's the closest to me geographically, and some say we sound a lot of like. It's true, we are legion, we are Louisianians.

Reinie is our own princessa. You remember that snooty rich girl with all the highclass clothes and the shitty tude in highschool? You do? Well, do you remember the other one, almost like her but with a sharp witty mean streak that took no prisoners in regards to class, rank or anything else? The fun one, the one that wasn't stuck up, mean, or overly pretentious, that one, yes, well, there ya go. Reinie princessa, the queen o mean, but in a good way.

So, what makes a group a group? It isn't really like background in age, religion, politics, or anything tangible in our case. We all like to write, we all like to be snarky, we all like to yak. (Ok, not Kitta, but she's just being quiet as she's thinking up evil stuff) We are cybersisters. We got each others backs, we are our own best cheerleaders (Nee! Your stuff way sux!!) and we are honest with each other. I'd like to think we are family. Hope they do too..

Oh by the way, I am the crazy aunt they keep in the attic. Did you have any doubt?

Firehair 2

Friday, October 14, 2005

I went, I ate, I could hurl.

Hungry This is my hubby when he saw the fried cheese.

YowzaThis is my hubby looking down my shirt. Pervo.

I went to drop off the Mozilla today, with Mamazilla. She had my bday pressies with her and insisted that I try on the blouse she bought me. It is a sweater, clingy, soft, light lavender, very nice. However, let it be said that it has a very low neckline. I am rather busty, to say the least.

Hubby's eyes about fell out of his head! While its gratifying that you still have the power-o-cleavage after 7 years of marriage, it is also disconcerting for him to stalk you around the Walmart, looking down your shirt with a leer that would do any geriatric on Viagra proud.

Athena's was delish, coffee was too, and I got home before dark. How old does this make me sound? Hell if I care! LOL

Hummos is gooooddddd
Frankenstein's Bride


Thursday, October 13, 2005

Tomorrow is Friday baby yeah yeah yeah

Candlelight Dinner And, as my birthday is next week, hubby and I are going out! Yes, an actual grown up dinner in a restaraunt without golden arches or a buffet in sight. We shall be Greeks for the day. Its our favorite place to eat, and we go there as often as possible.

My husband is one of those people that like to make someone feel cherished. Its a good quality, but sometimes, he just takes it to a whole new level.

Cupid Bouquet Couples Dating Burning Heart

Sometimes, a bit stalkerish. But, I am not complaining. The man remembers my birthday, our anniversary (each month) what sort of food I like *for instance, white piece spicy w/cajun rice from Popeyes* the books I wanna read, etc.

I am not going to say I don't do the same for him, I do. But, I think the hubby is special, as not many men are this thoughtful and sweet. *it aint stalkerish if I am his wife right? RIGHT? okies*

So, tomorrow I get rid of the Mozilla.. handing her off to Mamazilla for a trip down south to my brozilla (are you sensing a theme? well, it's true, we are all insane and have sharp teeth) So, for the entire weekend, it shall be me the hubzilla (not really, but I like him to match, he's too sweet for zilla-dom) and of course the evil and most heinous, Beanzilla (felinius meanius maximus)

Have a good weekend yall!!