Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Spam I am... not

Bah. Just a test of grumpy broadcast system.

Friday, June 20, 2008

It's just an innocent article of clothing until..

On one of the loops I belong to, another author asked that we go and vote about reading romances. Well, I clicked on the link and winced, but still voted yes, because no matter what it was still a vote for something I believe in, right? Right. Then, after simmering about it for a few minutes, I hit the discussion button, commenting on my how my only choice for yes was antiquated and insulting.

However, that's not my blog, and I couldn't cut loose about the stupidity of the pollster who came up with this:

Yes! Yes! Yes! Bodice Rippers are my ultimate!

But this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. And it's this.
What freaking decade are those people living in? Bodice ripper? My grandmama read books with those beautiful painted covers that had woman bent back over the arm of the handsome brawny hero. The heroine's boobs were practically bursting out of her.. yes, I'll say it.. BODICE!

I used to like those covers because they had bright flowers, and there was usually a ship or mansion in the background, to tell you what the hero's job was in the book (ship captain aka pirate, landowner, baron, earl, etc) and the colors were eye catching. Of course, shirtless painted Fabio was way sexy with black, brown, red, etc hair too. I do love a good Fabio boob shot. Yes, that would be sarcasm. The man boobs on The Wolf's Heart, well, that's a different story. Marcus is hawt. Oohooo baby! Ahem.. anyway.

But even as a teenager, I knew that them big old girl boobs were their own bodice breakers waiting to happen. Oh come on! For the love of whalebone, did you look at those covers? Those women are cinched up tighter than Ft Knox. Just one sneeze and a seed pearl off her midnight blue velvet bodice flies across Capt'n Delamar's cabin at top speed! Go ahead and laugh, it's funny til someone loses an eye...then it's frickin hilarious! (And now yall know the real reason pirates have eye patches. Tis the Curse of the Seed Pearl. Ow crap my eye! I mean, um.. Arrgh!)

So, no, I don't care for 'bodice ripper' as a blanket term to decribe romance novels, especially since I write in the contemporary setting for the most part. I can honestly say that no bodices have ever been ripped in the making of my books. That's right, any and all boobies that come unbound in Braless in the Buick, broke out on their own, and were not freed by the ripping of bodices. Swear.

Plus, the way they phrased that question was condescending. It made me feel like a happy-go-lucky cheerleader hyped up on candy-coated Christmas crack if I said YES YES YES! Bodice rippers are my ultimate! The cheerleader analogy was irritating in the extreme because I'm a dark chocolate paranormal kinda gal, if ya wanna know the truth of it. This means I'd rather be out behind the gym smokin' with the vamps and weres--and whatever might come before the ciggy. *nudge nudge wink wink*

Now if they'd have offered the option: "Yes, I love steamy panty ripper books!" well, now that would have been a different story, which I've both read and written with happy grin on my face.

Burn Your Bodices!

Jenna Leigh

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

All Aboard the Sprain Train

Today, Paco, the Wundah Dawg lay on the back of the recliner waiting to ambush me when I walked in the door. What happens when I do is that he balances on his hind legs and 'hugs' me with a little sigh of happiness. Awww, how sweet, right? Yeah, whatever. Oh be quiet. I'm not heartless or anything. I fell for it, of course. Picked him up, letting lick my face, without a thought about what else he'd been licking before I'd come home. *ew* Anyway, he was so happy to see me, I decided to take him for his walksies right then and there instead of making him wait until I'd changed clothes and shoes.

So, I snapped on his leash, and let him drag me out the door and down the steps. Keep in mind that he weighs all of 7lbs, so there isn't much dragging going on. Basically, he runs to the end of his leash and wigggles his front paws really fast in the air barking until I catch up and he has slack to move forward again. This happens over and over, with him stopping to pee on every bush in the yard until I get tired of having my arm jerked and pick him up and take him back inside.

This is what usually happens, however, when Paco went to hike his teeny leg to loose the wundah wee, I took the one step to the left, to make sure I didn't get caught in the back spray. When I did, I stepped in an indentation, and turned my ankle. There was a horrible crunching noise and I went down! No I did NOT get peed on. Ick!

I think dogs are confused about human anatomy, because for some reason, Paco was convinced that standing on my back and barking really loud was very helpful. That or he just thought it was fricking funny. Either way, he kept doing it, while I screamed for my hubby to, "Come get this little demon dog off my back!"

I'll admit that the barking lent enough urgency to my screams to make JMo run really fast. However, as I was laying on the ground, he just stood on the porch asking, "Where the hell are you et?" in Hickenese. I felt like throwing the dog at him.

"Get over here and help me, now." I know I growled it but it led him to me.. FINALLY!

"Oh. My. God! Paco, what did you do?" His shock made wonder if he seriously thought this incident would go down in the annals of 'When Dogs Attack!!' You see the picture of my dog, yall. He's .. he's.. *snicker* he's a munchkin.

Anyway..I finally get the point across that I've hurt my foot. And that Paco's hasn't gone all Mini-Cujo and went for the jugular, as if he could reach it without a ladder and stilts.
JMo got me into the house with much cursing and a quite a few tears.

Don't worry, neither of them cried long. JMo ate supper and was fine. As for Paco, well, I'm thinking of calling in that pet whispering fellah, he's kinda cute. And yes, that EFO stood at the door the whole time glaring at us. I know what he was thinking too. "This is what you deserve for getting the dog in the first place. I hope it's broken. MEOWHAHAHHA!"
The Walking (well, limping) Wounded

Sunday, May 04, 2008

I am Iron Man! Well, okay, I'm just a fan

After ten years of marriage to my handsome comic collector hubby, JMorgan, I'm used to being dragged to the theater for EVERY SINGLE COMIC BOOK MOVIE THAT COMES OUT EVER!! Though I fuss, secretly I enjoy sitting back and watching an hour and a half or so of rock 'em sock 'em action that doesn't require much thought. It all started with X-Men, which, I'll admit, I've been a long time fan of, for one reason only: Wolverine. Hugh Jackman did a great job portraying my favorite X-hunk. *pauses to think about him in that tank top* Anyway, X-Men was the highlight of mine and the hubster's movie going madness, at least, until.. NOW!

Iron Man has blown the rest out of the water. The minute Robert Downey Jr came on screen, I was mesmerized. He was the perfect choice to play Tony Stark, the smart, yet debauched, destructive playboy. RDJ's witty snark fits right into that iron suit as if he were made for the part. He also brings a destructive, slightly psychotic edginess to the role that kept the cheesiness to a minimum. The suit making process, however is the best part of the whole movie. The first suit and the second suit, for entirely different reasons.

The rest of the cast, even Gwennie as Pepper Potts was wonderful as was a bald Jeff Bridges and Terrence Howard as Tony's best bud. But I loved the Vanity Fair reporter, Christine simply because she was so mean, and yet still got to 'pump Iron' as it were. I'll save all the, OMIGAWD his armor was hydromatic, it was automatic, it was GREASED LIGHTENING!! sort of thing for the true fanboy, my hubby, but.. I will say that the movie doesn't have the usual outer space baddie, upscale mutated baddie, or even long lost brother/sister/uncle/cousin(sorta redneckish ain't it?) baddie, which is how most of these sorts of movies go.

No, it's written on more of a global scale telling how people should be held accountable for their actions. How someone no matter how rich or smart, can still make mistakes. It's ultimately the story of how the horndog Tony goes from being a philanderer to a philanthropist. And don't worry, all the explosions keep it from being too preachy.

I cheered at the appearance of S.H.I.E.L.D. because I know that where they are, the Avengers, with Captain America and the rest cannot be far behind. And there's also the fact that The Incredible Hulk is coming up in a few months, and in the Big Green Machine's movie, we're going to get another glimpse of .. IRON MAN!


Okay, fine, my secret's out, hubby has been my cover for years. But, I'll say it loud and proud. Hello there, my name is Jenn, and I'm a comic book hoor. Since I was just a young chickie Iron Man/Tony Stark the sexy, tormented genius has been one of my favorites, so this time I drug hubby to the theater. Are yall happy? Eh, that's okay, for this movie, I'll come out of the comic closet and admit, that I am one very satisfied FanGirl.

And yeah, I'm listening to the Ozman right now,

Pumpin up the Iron Man,


Thursday, May 01, 2008

I've been hit with a tag from Dee.

Does this qualify me for Dee-saster relief? *snickers*

Tell seven random and/or interesting things about myself. Get five blog buddies to play, too and link to their blogs. Don’t forget to post the rules!

1. I'm addicted to 80's music, especially metal.

2. Can't stand spiders.

3. But think snakes are kinda cool.

4. Love reading about other countries but am afraid to fly, so will probably never visit them.

5. Wants to win the lotto, but can't remember to buy a ticket.

6. Own a lot of crocs. They look great with my scrubs. *winks*

7. Is a Trekkie who lives with a Star Wars lover affectionately dubbed Jethro the Redneck Jedi, who on bad days I call Darth Lord of the Sticks.

Hubby..*wheeze* I am your luvah *wheeze cough cough* and I'm taggin you too.

Melanie Gilbreath aka Meme has been mimi'd! muhahahah!
Mechele Armstrong

Okay, I'm done and remember, it's all Dee's fault!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Interview with the Baby Vampire

You hear about people interviewing their characters all the time. I've never been able to get into it until I was trying to do my logline/tagline for Dateless and it just happened. So, here it goes, in a channeling her strange little I'm a freaky baby demon mindset type of way.

Gabby, Supah Secret Agent Baby's cunning plan involving Gah(Sharlene) and Cah (Cade)

1. Jump on Gah and suck her face until it bleeds. Then, trap Gah in the backseat of Cah's truck and whack her with my rattle until she sees stars. It made her look all goofy like my mommy does when my daddy kisses her. *gag* But then she screamed and so did Cah. I laughed.

I'm the best at bad backseat behavior.

2.Make faces at Gah until she gives me soda to drink. Smirk about this because she knows she's not supposed to do it. Meet a new man in with blonde sticky up hair who smiles a lot. I smile back, then growl and spit and hiss. I am what my mommy calls 'sugared up' from the soda. Yay! But I don't like the new man. Cah said I could bite him.

Who is Rosemary? My mommy's name is Allie.

3. Next time I see Gah, I grab her and try to pull her bathing suit top off. This wasn’t really part of the plan but, I bet Cah would give me some of his cheese crackers if I did it. And if I couldn't, there's always biting...again. Maybe I'll bite the new man with the sticky up blonde hair. Mommy, I think maybe your name is Rosemary.

Hey, do I hear bees?

4. Bat my eyelashes at Gah when I see her in the grocery store, then cry my no-fail fake tears for which I've won the Diva Diaper Demon Awards. This way she’ll take me from my mommy, and then, I can con her into giving me some of her ice cream. Okay, yes, this one was just for me, the heck with Cah’s crappy crackers.

I happen to like my baby rap songs. Baby G's in the hizzhouz!

5. Make Mommy take me to Gah’s house and then stick passie in her mouth watch the boring 'Fewd Netwuk' with her til she goes to sleep and I can take all her good DVDs. Hey, this diaper bag is good for more than just diapers. Ooh, Blues Brothers, it shall be mine.

I'm on a mission from Mom.

Love ya,

The Smallest Member of
The Neighborhood Inquisition
(Like you didn't know!)

PS: My daddy made me leave before I could see if all my plans worked. I was so mad, I waited til he fell asleep and gave him twirly hair. I do it all the time, so I'm good at it.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Where is The Wolf's Heart?

According to Deshanna, it's in Kansas City! And she took this photo despite the great danger to herself. *snickers* Oh shut up, I'm sure there was danger of some kind, she could have sprained her finger pushing the button on the camera or something! Work with me, people!

Our supah spy wasn't scared though, this is why her code name is No Fear Fox.. she sends out massive amounts of survey questions in a single email. And um.. and she's a major fox. Yes, anyway, moving on from weird stalker author suckuppage to the real stuff.

Thanks so much to Des, for both the picture, and the fact that there's one less copy of The Wolf's Heart in that Borders because of her. While she does offer me great distractions in the form of the aforementioned surveys when I can't write (or just need a reason to procrastinate), I do learn lots about all my friends, and it's a great way to keep in touch. But most of all she's always encouraged me to keep writing by being a friend who is also a fan.

Now it's my turn. I look forward to reading her work one of these days and will be honored to be a fellow LOS'er alumni with her. Hope to see you in the funny papers; and on the shelves very soon, Des. Please don't make me stalk you for real. You know I can.