Friday, July 14, 2006

Changes? Or, Hormones, Hot, and Jenn .. not a good combo

The EFO is a vile and wicked kitty. Today, I took a cat nap. Perhaps this is why I awoke to him sitting on my chest, he was jealous or somethin. When I opened my eyes he was giving me his patented glare.

At first, he only licked my nose, which I found sort of sweet in that grossed out, he can lick his own butt sort of way. Then, he made me pet his ears. When I stopped he BIT me on the finger really hard. I was still asleep enough to be traumatized well beyond the extent of my injury. I screamed bloody murder and hubby came running. He overcame his usual fear of the cat and pulled him off the bed, claw by claw and put him out of the room. This ended nap time for Jennjenn. *sighs*

This has not been a good week for me. I started out the week pink. PINK is NOT a good color for me to be. I was burned, dammit! I am not all that hawnky! Seriously, I shouldn't be burning in the sun. Pfth. But, I did. Now, I'm the Cocoa Goddess (shut it, I've wanted to be that for a while, SO DEAL!) and I'm happy, but Monday, I was the Pink Princess, and I did NOT like it.

So, what's changed bout me lately? I don't know, but something has. I'm becoming more and more angry, less inclined to give, more inclined to take, less happy, more .. bitch. Ok, those that know me say, what the hell else is new? I've been one for a while, yes, I know that. But, I've been the bouyant bitch, the happy shiney bitch that makes you laugh while she cuts your throat and bathes in your blood by the light of the silvery moon. *pauses* That's a song isn't it? If not, it should be. Anyway, lately, I've found myself having these tendencies, and they are darker, meaner, more inclined to land me in a jail cell full of women that will trade me for a pack of ciggies. I smoke ciggies, I refuse to be traded for them, dammitall.

Where are these thoughts coming from? The ones that come out late at night and laugh in their tiny little voices and tell me to do things with sharp and/or blunt objects to loved ones that may or may not be fiddling with my A/C thermostat. *blinks* If this seems to be a petty reason to kill, maim, or bludgeon someone, then you aint spent a summer in the South, my little northern friend. More than likely, you've got no dang A/C and if you do have one, you don't even use the dang thing, so shut up. Until you've walked a mile in my flip flops and had them stick to the melted alsphalt, then SHUT UP!

Sweaty Nights of Summer:

Night 1: 2 am.. I'm awake because I've slept most of the night away in a stupor.. I hear a clanging noise and sit straight up in the bed, smack hubby and go WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT NOISE OMGOMGOMG GO AND KILL IT! Hubby asks, "Why do I have to kill it?" I inform him that he is in the possession of both the flashlight and the penis, therefore, it is his duty in life to perform this action. He sighs, picks up his flashlight, adjusts the aforementioned penis and jerks open the door to the AC makin a godawful racket.

I tell him to kick the damn thing.. he taps it with his pinky toe. I say again to kick it.. he gives it a slightly harder tap. OMG is he not a man? Do not they ALL believe in kicking and/or hitting things like the hoods of cars and tops of TV's? So, hot and sweaty and having a Southern Belle fit I scream KICK IT he does, the noise stops. However, he goes INSANELY PARANOID, thus beginning my descent into Psychoville. For those of you that just thought that it shouldnt be a very long trip, I heard that. (and ye shall surely perish) To top the cotton, he keeps turning off the damn airconditioner!! AACCCKKK!!!

Night 2: 11 p.m. After I've told the Memster nighties, and made myself take the shower, I'm laying in the bed, and my hair is wet.. I mean wringing wet with sweat, I'm burning up!! I go OMG, am I dying? Or even better *big fat grin* Am I having what I've been looking forward to my whole adult female life? Yes, girls and boys, the MENOPAUSE!! As I know I'm not this lucky, I smack the hubby on the arm and ask him if he's screwed with the thermostat. "Um, dunno." is the answer.

We'd agreed not to, since, we'd supervised it all evening long and it'd been fine. But, he has gone behind my back and TURNED IT UP ON 95 DEGREES.. jeez. I'm laying here in Lake Jenn wondering why I can't breathe and he's trying to give me the St. William act. You know, I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. I am hormonal this week, therefore, I may have overreacted a tad by jumping out of the bed, stomping down the hall and slamming the thermostat down on 50. I hope it snows in the house and we all get frostbite. Did I hear Jinglebells ??? GOOD!

Night 3: Well, day three.. I come home and since he won't run the air while we ain't home. IT IS ROASTING TEMPERATURE IN THIS HOUSE... The cat IS ANGRY! Therefore, now you know why he bit me. This is why it's all his fault.. If I catch the Catscratch Fever, or whatever the crap it's called, I'm blaming hubby and his ditty bag of neuroses.. I shall also use it as defense at the murder trial, well that and PMS.. because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.. Oh, come on, yall knew that was comin'

Aaahhh Those Summer Nights


Karen said...

Stop making excuses for that cat ~ Mr. Bean is evil and now he bites, too. It was only a matter of time. Soon he will steal all your chocolate and hide it in his evil overlord lair, just for spite. I warned you. Poor, poor Jenn.

Evil Feline Overlord said...

Neow Neow Glamazon, do not attempt to turn the Female Feeder Unit against me for it will not work. I have her completely under my power. Tho I will confess I did bite her yesterday, I have since apologized profusely by killing a june bug that tried to get in her hair. Jesus that woman is terrified of the most mundane of creatures. I mean seriously, FROGS AND BUGS? Is she not a puppy? (Note I do not use the other p word? See that you don't either. That word does NOT mean what YOU people think it does. Humes pfffth)
I was hot. The silly Male Feeder Unit had the AC off all day. I have fur and you of ALL people know how fur and heat do NOT mix. *licks self* He shall pay. We have made a pact. Screams and blood will both spill out into the steamy Louisiana night like hot sauce onto gumbo. That's a metaphor by the way. Well, I am off to plot while the Female Feeder Unit has control of the AC and it's down on a logical setting. The idiot male is in for it.. MEOWHAHAHHAAHHA.
PS: Jingle jingle

Mechele Armstrong said...

Yes, turning off the AC would be an offense punishable in my house. Geesh.

LOL I think the DH should be worried about the kitty.