Monday, July 10, 2006

Sent down the river


There be gators.. YES! THERE ARE GATORS!! Luckily for moi, my mommy not only brings the tater salad, she also has a pistol. Aint she the bestest ever? *sighs* She made us burgers.. *blinks* Come to think of it, I didn't see any damn gators. OMG! If I ate gator burgers I will be very very angry! *spits* I didn't see Steve Irwin either, I wonder if these two ate him. I bet he was crunchy and tasted good with hot sauce. What? We don't do ketchup, it's hot sauce or the highway yall.

This is the first thing you see when you walk up to the Nana Compound. The reptile smiles welcome you, they say come on in, relax, set a spell. Pah. At least they match the big fat concrete one down by the water. He's scary slimey and way too realistic looking for me.

So, this was my day. I went to the river, had to stay outside all fripping day LONG! My motto has been "Outside is the reason God invented inside." for a very long time. There is a variation on it that also fits. "Outside is the reason God invented air conditioning." Yes, that's right, I live in the south, it's hot.

We went to Nana Compound, where we were fed the food of the gods, at least according to my hubby. That's hamburgers to you and me. Then, we are herded into the death barge and carted down the river Stinks. *coughs* Oh fine! We went up the river to the sand bar. I didn't want to go, but I did. She made me. My mother made me go, against my will. I'm 30 *mutter mutter* years old and I'm made to go outside. *pouts*

When we pull up to the sand bar, at first I am most put out as there are these things there that I like to call PEOPLE. I don't do people. I don't like them, I do deal well with them, I don't think they really should exist. On further investigation, however, I find they aren't actual people, they are in fact insane rednecks, whom I know. These aren't people, therefore, they do exist. Don't look at me like that, I know what you are thinking, and you're right. Let's move on.

All of these rednecks are , loud, and erm.. ok, drunk. Some are even *whispers* relatives. One or two are classmates. Yes, it is in the water, and yes we still drink it and swim in it. Not the river, which I got into, against my wishes, as it was hot and I was dying.

Also: I despise fish unless they are mealed, fried, accompanied by hushpuppies, frenchfries, light bread, and on my plate. They BIT me! This is supposed to go the other way around. Someone needs to send them a memo, waterproof of course.

There needs to be a memo sent to the idiots in the boats to stop looking at my 16 yr old daughter and saying things like wohoo baby, and yummy and oh yeah and doing that hunching the air thing. I am not amused. My husband was well past the nonamused stage. My mother was turning purple and if her husband allowed handguns on the Puddin Party Barge, they'd have been ventilated in areas that have left THEM very unamused as well. However, he doesn't allow it, as he knows my mother all too well.

The day went well, all things considered, even the hunching wohoo baby boys, which besides me giving them the one fingered universal salute, I ignored. I was all smug too, thinking that I didn't sunburn. I bragged to my fellow author friends about it. I told them that I was too ethnically enriched to burn. Well pah, I've been living like a little hermit mushroom for too long. Did you know that if you stay inside 24/7/365 that the warrantee runs out on your damn natural immunity to the sun? I didn't. But oohoo nelly, I know it now! I glow in the dark! But, never let it be said that long term exposure to the Glamazon has NOT had some had some effects..

Cause, I wore my hot pink scrubs to match my SUNBURN!

Jenna Leigh

Your Friendly Neighborhood Magenta-Neck
Somehow that just does NOT have the same ring to it.. *sighs*


Karen said...

Oh, the things you learn from hanging around ME! I bet you looked ever so cute in your hot pink scrubs and matching hot pink skin. *G* Sounds like you had a fun day and nobody got killed or eaten, so that's a big plus, right?

Mechele Armstrong said...

Hope the sunburn feels better soon. LOL I seem to remember a vinegar for sunburn discussion with you at some point.