Monday, April 17, 2006

The Q is correct. Cats ARE evil

***warning, slightly icksome***

**NOTE TO PETA** Yes, mice were harmed in the blogging of this blog. I'm sorry, but that is one evil cat.

Ok, so, I have to wait and ride home with hubby today. That means my day lasts from 7 to 5, blah. I did read almost an entire book in the 2 hr wait time, so that's good. Anyways, we come home and I make me an iced coffee. It has to be iced as it was 92 degrees today. I even played the sweet wife and fixed hubby's lunch plate which consisted of porkchop, bbq beans and tater salad. The damn thing weighs about 5 lbs, and he'll eat it all, which is sad, the skinny bastid.

So, I'm all happy and sweet and we sit down to watch Rachel Ray for a few minutes and unwind. Ok, my cat is hopping around on the shoes by the door. We've had a few mice here lately, due to the dryness of the weather and the mowing of the pastures around us. I thought, well shoot, here we go again.

It is slightly funny to see that freaky feline stick his foot in a shoe like some furry demented wicked stepsister from Cinderella. Catarella (shrugs) who knows? So, we snicker. Hubby's on one couch, I'm on the other. Suddenly, with a ferocity of a lion (ess, I know the boy's are lazy) on the African plain, he shoots out of the corner in hot pursuit of one of those tiny little field mice. OMG!!

Hubby has his plate in his hand, he doesn't drop it of course, but he jumps up on the back of the couch and screams like a girl. I laugh, really really hard. And point. *coughs*

**** Dreamie Sequence of Events****

Yep, wild frickin kingdom in the living room! Any minute I expect Marlin Perkins to come flittin in there with whatever unlucky schmuck that he had doin all the heavy work and say. "Yes, the american housecat is one of the most violent killers of rodents of all time! Watch as he pounces on his prey, hear the squeaks of horror. (from the mouse as well. My but the man hit high c that time, I'm most impressed, *blinks*what? Oh yes, back to the cat.) The cat has pierced the mouse's flesh with his canines."

***All pause***

Bean: I am a cat, I don't have canines, I have sharp teeth in the front of my mouth. Let's call em, felines.. *smirks* Thank yew... say I have canines again and I shall pierce your dangly bits with my even sharper claws.

**Back to the show**

"Hans, stand in front of me, yes, thank you. Now watch as the cat lets the mouse think he's gotten away only so he can run him toward his huge chickenshit human male. This amuses the cat to no end as it does the human female the cat calls Meowma to make her feed him. She falls for it too, stupid woman that she is. As if the cat cares not one whit for her except as a food source and a prop for his huge behonkus."


Bean: Do not tell ALL my secrets. I am getting you next, just so's ya know.

***Back to the Show***

"Er, it seems that we are too close to the action. Why don't we leave the camera here and come back later? Come Hans."

"Yes marstar... " Shuffles off.. *runs like hell when the cat feints at them*

Ok, the cat played with the mouse. And yeah, I know that cat and mouse is a saying for a reason. But, just, ew. That was icky... Finally, after my hubby jumped the coffee table and sat on me, I convinced him to dispose of the thing.

He took an empty saltine box and flicked it inside it with the dustpan. The stupid mouse immediatly jumped back out into the cat's arms. *blinks* Is he a .... hee hee.. Mousachist? *yall knew I was gonna say this at some point, so shut up!* Hubby, making that adorable squealing noise the whole, entire time, flicked it back in again and yelled for me to open the door. I did so, and he chucked box, mouse and all, out into the front yard.

I look down and there is a bit of gray fluff on the dustpan (cat hair the bane of my existance) and I jump and say OMG is it on the dustpan? At which point he screams again and throws the dustpan at ME..

Well, I retaliated by shoving him aside and running in the house. By this time, I've figured out it wasn't the mouse and I am ROFLMFAO. Literally. I lay on the floor and just hooted for about 20 minutes. I figure I've gotten my cardio workout for the day. *sighs*

So, here I am, safely ensconsed in my room with the door shut.
Hubby's twitchy.. (I've been helpin it along with the point and scream trick)
Cat's pissed as his toy is gone AGAIN! Humes are vile.. pah...ffth!.. (woe to the hubby that thinks he can sleep nekkie w/out suffering the consequences.. aka perforated penis)

Just so's ya know? This aint a Disney friendly household. If Mickey's lil weird cartoon self comes through the door, Bean shall open a can of Redneckus Felinus Woopus Arsus upon him like you wouldn't believe. It'll be a smack down. All bets are on the cat.

This episode of
Wild Jenndom
is brought to you by,
Redneck Willie
Badass Bean
Really Stupid Rodents

Ahhhhh.. At least Monday is over now.. *grins*
Jenna Leigh


Karen said...

Oh. My. God. I think I'm the one twitching now. What do they put in the water where you're at? Insane, you are all insane. Thank goodness I'm so normal. Whew.

Deshanna said...

Omigawd! That was hilarious. I needed that to make the narsty Monday go away. My Sgt. now thinks I am certifiable. But I ust said I'd rather be certified because you get paid more when you are. He just LOOKED at me. *snicker*

FeyRhi said...

That was one of the funniest things I have read in a looooong time. Of course now I have to explain it all to hubby who is wondering what all the laughing is about. I'll just let him read it. The part where Bill throws the dustpan at you is what sets me off. That was a 'better pick me up' then my coffee. Thanks hun! *muah*

Jenna Leigh said...

Oh yeah fun fun fun! Evil cat.. insane hubby.. such is the life of this poor redneck girl.. *sniffles* At least I have my ice mocha *slurps*

Mary Stella said...


Becka said...

I've got tears in my eyes! LOL Probably because I can picture this happening in my OWN house. hehehe

Thanks for the cackles! :D


Jenna Leigh said...

I am SOO happy my hubby's pain and angst amuses yall. No, really, I am! LOL I laughed soo hard I almost hurked. *snickers* Yes, well, Bean is Mean. It rhymes for a reason.. Meymey was inspired by him, dontcha know?